I remember it all too well-taylor swift fanfic: T saves a teenage girl from hell

Taylor's POV
I thought Ellie was getting better these days but her diary. I read things that really scares me.

"Everybody hates me because I'm sick, I'm damned for life, so, since isn't there a reason to live why should I even try"

No one hates you Ells, no one.

"If my body will get sick another time I'll just let it be, I won't fight against the will of my inner self to die, it's my last chance"

There was even a date. 4 days ago.

The sentences went over and over, there were tons of them, I just stopped reading because I physically couldn't. I'm glad tomorrow we have the chance to talk together with the doctors.

*the next day* Ell's POV
We are at the clinic, the doctors are talking with Taylor leaving me alone in the all with a nurse, she's nice don't get me wrong but I hate that they don't trust me even for a few minutes alone.

The nurse guides me to the ambulatory where my nutritionist, my psychiatrist and Taylor are there.

"Hello Ellie, how are things? Since last week have you seen any improvements in energy levels? Tell me everything" the nutri asks, I like him, he's nice but I just don't need all this stuff, it's Taylor that's overdramatic.

"It was fine" As soon as I say this Taylor gives me a look that I can't even explain, we're absolutely gonna talk about this; I can't help but wonder what they want from me. Can't they let me be like everyone always did?

"Honey we need you to talk, see Taylor this is how she's been acting lately, Elena I want you to talk about this with Taylor and I in the session after your weight in" the psych says.

"Okay jump on the scale and turn around, take your shoes off please" I did what he said and tried to look at the number but Tay noticed

"Hun you're not in the position to look at the number, it shouldn't matter" omg I'm gonna explode any seconds, why are they acting like I'm sick? Like I have an eating disorder? It was all just a slip, I can't be that fragile to have and ed. I roll my eyes.

"Anyhow I saw it and I gained weight which is awesome so can you take off my tube and let me go home?" I tried not to sound rude but it obviously didn't work.

"Hey, Ells sit and we're gonna talk about it- I do as he says finally thinking I'm gonna go back to a normal life- we can't take it out, Taylor took notes of how much did you relied on you tube and it was more than half of meals, so no we can't take it out and you can't go home because you have therapy now" my eyes watered and I couldn't control my emotions. I was mad, outrageous, sad and desperate all at the same time. I'm not sick and no one is believing me, I'm not a baby and I don't need to be treated like one, I took care of myself for my whole life and it wasn't different from now. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, a full panic attack coming at me.
I shut the door, lock it and fell to the ground defeated, I feel helpless. I can't help myself nor Taylor, I'm just a burden and I don't want or need this tube.
My hand placed on the tube, pulling hard, enough to take it out without noise but also enough for making me bleed. Finally free. Fuck what did I just do? How am I supposed to tell Taylor, I'm locked in this situation just like I'm in this bathroom. I fucked up.
Panic spiraling in all my body, my chest aching, my nose bleeding, I need to calm down, I need to feel something.

A knock on the door, Taylor's voice bringing me to reality, god I'm all dirty with blood, the blood of my nose but also the blood of my arms. How am I gonna explain this.

"Baby are you okay? Can you open the door for me? It's just me, therapy's in 15" No one can understand how much I need an hug right now, her hug.

I open my lock, "tay please don't panic" as soon as she sees my face I started to sob, finally letting my panic out. She sits me on the floor, locking the door again and burying my head into her chest, I feel so safe.

"Shh it's gonna be alright, I'm right here, now breathe with me baby please" I copy her breath following the ups and downs of her chest, her heartbeat grounding me. She caress me, wiping some blood from my nose with a soft tissue.

"Can I call help?" She asks, I calmed down but I really don't want to see them right now. I shake my head as a response.

"Baby what about you let me tell them what happened and I try to ask if we can come back tomorrow? But you're eating tonight" I nod and give her a sad smile.

I'm sorry for acting up but it was just a matter of time my explosion, I couldn't stand that situation anymore.
I need to tell Taylor, she's probably worried sick right now.

There's a knock on the door.
"Open up, I'm just gonna check if your throat is okay, clean you off a bit and we'll see each other tomorrow afternoon" the doc says, as I open up I can see his madness mixed with delusion and sympathy. He checks and clean in a few minutes, without saying or asking anything.

"You can go home, but you'll eat at least half of your meals and you'll drink in supplements the others" I nod and go hug Taylor.

"I'm glad your throat is okay, does it hurt?" She asks caressing my check, I nod a bit.

The drive home was filled with an echoing silence, not an uncomfortable one, just a shared sadness one.

"I need to talk to you Taylor, I really do" I cried as soon as we closed the entrance door.