"love you too gracie. i'll see you tomorrow" i said.
"alright see ya tomorrow" she said and then she hung up.
"fuck." i said to myself. i needed an escape or something. just something to get my mind off of everything. then i decided to call my aunt sarah.
"hey d what's up?" she asked.
"nothing much. are you home?" i asked.
"yeah just got back from work. everything okay?" she asked.
"yeah i'm just really stressed. i was wondering if i could come over?" i asked.
"d you know you're always welcome you don't have to ask." she said.
"k i'll be over in a little while. also by any chance do you have anything...like you know?" i asked.
"what do you mean?" she asked.
"like to smoke." i said.
"like weed?" she asked.
"mhm." i said.
"d i thought you didn't smoke?" she said.
"well...that was a lie." i said.
"well yes i do. i always do. work is too fucking stressful. come over soon." she said.
"k i'll be there in like a half hour." i said.
after that i hung up and got ready. once i arrived to her house she invited me inside.
i recently just bought my aunt a house because her old one was damaged in the fires earlier this year. the house i bought her was very private and pretty relaxing. we made our way to the back balcony and had a seat.
"so. what's going on?" my aunt asked as she rolled the cigarettes.
"too much. i just need to relax. this shit is eating me alive." i said.
"tell me about it." she said as she handed me the blunt. i lit it and then took a hit.
"well, my mental health is just fucking awful. i don't know why. like i don't know what's triggering it. i think it's just that i feel like my music career is just going too fast and i haven't like caught up with it yet." i said.
"how've you been coping?" she asked.
"i mean ive been going to therapy. it's helped a little but not enough. i've been writing my feelings into songs. aaron came over earlier and i showed him some and now he's worried about me because of what i wrote in them. last night was awful. i barely got any sleep. i ended up calling auggie crying because i was just so over everything. self-harming is getting harder and harder to avoid. i'm still clean but it's just getting hard. and to top it all off i got an email from taylor's team today saying she wants to disregard the restraining order SHE put against me." i rambled.
"damn." my aunt said.
"i know. so honestly i really just need this weed. i'm so over everything. i don't usually smoke but this time is different. i really need it." i said as i took a couple hits.
"well understandable." my aunt said.
"i wish auggie was here too. i need him. he's not even going to be here for my birthday." i said.
"im sorry d." my aunt said as she pulled me in a hug.
"i need birthday sex. but i can't even do that." i said.
"okay you did not need to tell me that." my aunt said pushing me off her playfully.
"what? what did i say?" i asked.
"yep that weed is definitely working for you." she said giggling.
"wait what did i say??" i asked.
"you said you needed birthday sex." she said.
"i said that out loud? damn." i said as i slumped back.
"it's okay. you're almost 19 i don't expect anything different. i mean i was like that too at your age." she said laughing a little.
"speaking of boyfriends, did you ever have one?" i asked.
"yeah i was actually married." she said.
"oh what happened?" i asked.
"well he got really sick. he ended up passing and i promised him and myself that wouldn't re-marry. so here i am now." she said.
"damn i'm sorry that happened" i said.
"it's okay, really. it just shaped me into who i am today." she said. i nodded.
"okay we've been out here for a few hours. and im high as fuck. let's go inside." i said as i stood up.
when we got inside my phone started to ring and it was gracie.
"heyyyyy gracieeeee" i said.
"woah what's wrong with you??" she asked.
"what do you mean?" i asked giggling.
"are you high?" she asked.
"what? high? me? i don't smoke i don't know what you're talking about." i said.
"yeah okay well i was just checking in on you and making sure you're okay." she asked.
"me? oh i'm great." i said.
"yeah you're definitely high." she said.
"am not!" i giggled.
"anyways if you're driving please make sure you are somewhat sober. i don't want you getting hurt or hurting someone else" she said.
"yeah yeah okay." i said.
"i mean it" she said.
"i know. bye gracie!" i said and then hung up.
"i think im gonna head home." i said.
"alright d be safe okay." she said.
"k i will" i said.
when i made it home i decided to have a bath. baths always seem to calm me down so that's exactly what i did. after my bath i just laid in bed until i fell asleep.
the email.
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