i didn't end up falling asleep until the early hours of the morning. after the high wore off i just felt miserable. i wrote and wrote to cope but that just wore off as well. i didn't cut but i got damn near close. i had the blade in my hand but i dropped it and walked away.
there was just so much swirling around in my mind. the email, the thought of people being worried about me, my career, just everything. i mean i felt like a completely different person. i didn't call auggie because i knew he was studying for his finals and he needs all the rest he can get.
i woke up to the constant ringing of my doorbell. when i opened my eyes my head was pounding. i felt dizzy and my body just fucking hurt. i heard star barking downstairs at the doorbell so i dragged myself off my bed and went to the door.
when i opened it there was gracie.
"holy hell d i thought you were dead! do you know what time it is?" she asked.
"what?" i asked out of it.
"geez how much did you smoke last night." she said walking in.
"i don't remember but i feel like fucking shit." i said as i plopped down on the couch. "what time is it?" i asked.
"it's almost 4pm!" she said.
"what?" i asked surprised.
"yeah people have been trying to get a hold of you all day. you weren't answering. when you didn't answer my calls i knew i had to come check on you. also because you said last night you would call me when you wanted me to come over." she said.
"oh." i mumbled.
"yeah but im worried about you and so is everyone else. especially your fans" she said setting her bag down.
"what do you mean my fans?" i said.
"the picture you posted on your story last night." she said.
"WHAT? I POSTED A PICTURE?" i asked. gracie nodded. "holy fuck i need to get publicist.
"i agree. but really d, and i want you to be honest with me, what's going on?" gracie said.
"can we talk about this maybe when my head is pounding and it feels like i could throw up at any second?" i asked.
"here let me get you some medicine. also when's the last time you ate?" she asked.
"i don't know. yesterday morning?" i said.
"d...you know that's not good for you." she said.
"i know. ugh i have so many emails to answer. i'm gonna shoot myself." i said
"hey don't say that." gracie said as she came back with a glass of water and some medicine.
"thank you." i said.
"yep. now what do you want to eat?" she asked. i shrugged.
"you choose. i'm fine with anything" i said. she nodded.
"can you you hand me my laptop?" i asked. when i opened it there was another email.
"holy fuck! why won't these damn people leave me alone?!" i yelled.
"what? what happened?" gracie asked.
"another email but this time from taylor with tree cced. oh my fucking god what do these people want from me!" i said frustrated.
"hey take a deep breath. let's take a look at it." gracie said.
"okay but first i need to see what the picture i posted was." i said.
"you sure you want to see it?" she asked. i nodded. gracie turned her phone to show me.
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"oh my fucking god no way...." i said.
"it's okay we can delete it." gracie said.
"delete it?! it's been up for over 12 hours! the whole world has probably seen this by now." i said putting my head in my hands.
"hey it's okay. take a deep breath" she said.
"why is nothing working for me?!" i said as i bursted out crying.
"woah...hey it's okay d" gracie said a little off guard by my random outburst.
"NO. ITS NOT OKAY GRACIE. IM SICK OF PEOPLE TELLING ME THAT EVERY TIME SOMETHING GOES WRONG. IM LITERALLY FUCKING LOSING MORE AND MORE OF MYSELF EVERYDAY!" i yelled.
"hey take a deep breath. shhhh" gracie said as she hugged me. "just breathe in and out. in and out" she said. star noticed my distress and jumped onto the couch and laid across my lap.
"what can i do to help? hm?" she asked.
"i want auggie..." i cried.
"do you want me to call him?" she asked.
"no i need him here with me." i cried.
"okay okay. let me call him okay?" she said.
gracie's pov
i'm really worried about d. i'm not 100% what's going on with her but i know it's bad.
"auggie?" i said.
"hey gracie what's up?" he asked.
"um final wise...are you done?" i asked.
"yeah i just finished my last one actually. i was gonna go see mom and dad in maine then make my way to la. wait...who's in the background crying? is that d? it sounds like her cries." he asked.
"um yeah it is d." i said as i looked back at her from the kitchen.
"is she okay?! what's going on?" he asked.
"i'm not really sure. i don't know if you saw her story not, but she's not doing well. when is the fastest you can get here?" i asked.
"i can see if i can get a flight out. what's going on?" he asked.
"i'm not sure. a lot? i'm trying to get her to open up but i'm not really getting anywhere." i said.
"okay i'll be there as soon as i can. keep me updated?" he said.
"of course. bye auggie" i said.
"bye gracie take good care of her" he said.
after i hung up i turned my attention back to d. when i went back into the living room she was completely fine.
"what the fuck?" i said.
"what?" she asked looking at me.
"you were just having a breakdown not even two minutes ago." she shrugged. she looked like she was hiding something in her hoodie pocket though.
"delilah what is in your pocket." i said she looked at me with a guilty look.
