hey guys imma try and write. i'm sorry if there's a bunch of typos i just cannot see anything lol.
a vape. a vape was in my pocket. no way in hell could i let gracie see that. she would most definitely send me somewhere where i dont want to go to get help.
"delilah im serious. what's in your pocket."
"gracie it's nothing. just leave it." i said.
"no i'm not just gonna leave it d this is serious. why do you have a vape?" she asked.
"bro if you knew what it was why are you asking me why i have it."
"because i wanted you to be mature and tell me yourself." gracie said sitting next to me. "i really need you tell me what's going on d. or at least someone i can get to help you."
i let out a sigh and looked down at the floor.
"i'm sorry. but i just don't know what to do. like my head is in such a dense fog and i can't find my way out. it's getting harder and harder by the day. i just want a break but i can't break the cycle." i said.
"okay and what can i do to help?" gracie asked softly.
"is it bad that i need taylor? like really need her. she's the only one who'd understand. i-i mean i've told her like everything about me." i said.
"no it's not bad that you need taylor and i think it would be really good for you to see her." gracie said.
"you think so?" i asked. she nodded.
"she's still in la too. do you want me to call her to come over?" she asked. i hesitated for a second. then i nodded.
about an hour later the doorbell rang and i got up to answer it. when i opened the door there stood the blonde. the blonde that felt like my mom. i immediately brought her into my embrace and just broke down in tears.
"shhh i know. i'm sorry." taylor said as she hugged me.
"here let's get inside okay?" taylor said. i nodded.
"alright ill see you two later okay?" gracie said as she got her stuff and left.
"taylor i missed you." i cried into her.
"me too d. i'm so sorry for what all happened. i just didn't have a say in any of this. my team wouldn't listen to anything i would say. the only people on my side were travis my mom dad and brother. i'm so sorry sweet girl." she said as she held me.
"it's okay" i sniffled.
"but i do want you to know that i am so PROUD of you. you've reminded me as my little self ever since i met you." she said.
"i'm sorry for dragging you here. i just don't know what to do anymore. i mean i'm taking my medications. i'm doing all that i need to do." i mumbled.
"do you wanna talk about it? if you're ready to talk we can. if you're not, that's okay too. we'll go at your pace." taylor said.i nodded.
"i don't know. i guess im just really overwhelmed? i mean i just started this whole music thing, i already have a grammy, and all these nominations. but part of me feels like it's going to fast. so fast to the point where it feels like i'm suffocating. like i don't have a break to just breathe and step back." i said
"i know exactly how you feel d. i really do. and i mean you're about to turn 19. i remember when i won my first grammy. it was overwhelming but there was a part of me that was proud of myself."
"yeah i guess that's where we differ...i can't feel proud of myself. i just feel like a burden most of the time." i said.
"oh d..." she said hugging me. "when's the last time you ate buddy?" she asked. i just shrugged. i actually did not know.
"okay let's get you something eat. do you want something in particular?" she asked.
"no you can choose. gracie was going to order me chicken tenders but then you came over so i guess some chicken tenders?" i mumbled.
"we're like the same person." taylor said with a smile.
about half an hour later our food arrived and taylor and i cuddled up on my couch as we ate.
"d..i was thinking it would be better if you stayed with me for a little while."
"but the restraining order-"
"don't worry about it. i'll take care of that. i just want to make sure that you'll be safe. and me being halfway across the country i don't know if i like that. travis and i have a couple spare bedrooms so you could pick the one you want. only if you're okay with it. i know this is a quick turn around but i just want you to be safe. i've heard that a lot of people are worried about you, including myself, so i just want to keep an eye on you for a little while." she said. i nodded.
"can i bring star?" i asked.
"of course you can. star is such a sweet girl i'm sure she'll be now problem." taylor said. i nodded.
"um when would we leave?" i mumbled.
"well i know that auggie is coming to la. so we can wait for him to come check on you. how does next week sound? travis is doing some one on one training in the offseason so it works. he's not usually home all day." she said. i nodded.
"thank you tay. i really appreciate it." i said.
"you don't need to thank me d. i'm just happy you are safe." she said. i nodded.
hopefully moving forward i can get myself out of this mess.
hey guys sorry this is insanely short. it was just getting harder and harder to write due to the keyboard freaking blocking everything m. i'm not really sure what to do anymore because i deleted and reinstalled the app and the keyboard is still messed up. but anyways hope you enjoyed lol sorry for the late update!
