Something's always Happening in Nockfell (Sally face oneshots)

POV: Travis Phelps

Warnings: F slur, cursing

This chapter is based off of the song "candy" by Alex g. istg I love that song sm

I feel disgusted with myself. I'm a faggot. Father would hate me if he found out. He already hates me.. I don't even want to imagine what would happen if he found my journal. My journal filled with disgusting poems and rhymes for.. Him. I hate him!.. But do I? I wish I knew. I wish I knew a lot of things. I have a lot of unsolved questions.

I let out a sigh as I walk up to my dresser, getting on my knees and sweeping my hand underneath it, grabbing out my book. Father thinks I write down important things in this. I wish that was the case.

I stand back up and grab a pen out of the cup of pencils on my dresser as I walk back to my bed, sitting down. It creaks, creating a loud noise, but it goes away just as quick as it came. I like the silence, but sometimes I miss noise. This house feels so cold and dead. It gets lonely pretty easily.

I open up the book and flip through the pages, stopping on my last blank page. I'll have to buy a new book soon. I think I'll go crazy without something to do. 

Writing down such sweet words makes my stomach twist with both guilt, and sadness, because I know I will never know the feeling of being loved. I can love someone all I want, but it doesn't mean they'll love me back, and even if they do, they will never love me back the same way I love them.

"The sweet taste of forbidden love, a bitter-sweetness that's hard to shove, a desire so intense, It lingers like a scent, Like sugar that rots your teeth, and leaves you empty, weak, and hurt, a hunger that never subsides, a yearning so deep and wide, for that special someone, so close, yet so far, In their sweetness, they give you a scar, a longing that never ends, a memory that's never lend. A sweet indulgence, a forbidden taste, a craving that's hard to erase, a sweetness that's hard to bear, a love that's forever there, in their smile, a glimmer of light, in their absence, a dark endless night." (Cheesy as fuuckk)

I stare down at the words of love with a sick feeling. Love disgusts me, yet I long for it so hard. Maybe I wouldn't feel this way if he was a girl. Why couldn't he have just been a girl? Then I wouldn't have to feel so guilty.