The Art Of Being Alone

              III. Define Who & What You Are Not

Let me tell you one thing. When you will walk on the journey of self-exploration, you will realize one thing, you are not easy which is a good thing. But that is one of the key reasons why people give up on themselves. It becomes a lot more to handle than it sounds.

In fact, when I started my self-exploration journey, I was overwhelmed and confused. I didn't know where to start. I am not a subject and there wasn't any index that I could follow. And after a lot of trial & error, reading, and experimenting, I followed one piece of advice that helped me get started on my journey.

The advice: If you cannot figure out who you are, figure out who you are not and who you don't want to be.

It's easier to know who you are not and what you never want to be than to start with who you are in the first place. When you make a list of who you are not, and who you don't want to be, you will also get a sense of clarity about what you don't like and why you don't like certain things. It helps you get to know your choices, principles, and thinking patterns better.

You can start by making a list of things you hate or you are against (even if those things are well-accepted in society) and alongside, write or make a mental note of why you don't like those things.

TASK: Take it as your assignment or task or whatever you want to call it. Sit down every day for 5 minutes, alone with no disturbance around you. Let yourself be immersed in your personality. 抖阴社区 down one or two things that you think you don't like and then write why you don't like those things. It will help you to know your values, hence, getting closer to yourself a little. Not only that, but you will also understand that you are not a follower and that you don't accept every definition that's been thrown at you. It willhelp you THINK INDEPENDENTLY without accepting the world’s definition.

Though, let me give you a warning. As you get to know more things that you are against but the world accepts, never share those things with anyone. Yes, | am asking you to keep your opinions to yourself. Let people think you agree with them. And that’s not because you are a people pleaser or you are afraid to voice your opinion. But because the world is full of clowns. Not everyone has an open mind to accept that differences of opinion can exist. Don’t go out there and scream your perception. Don’t think that people will agree with you.

In fact, that’s the reason most people just follow the crowd. They know if they voice their opinions, they will be kicked out. This fear is one of the reasons why most people are followers, not thinkers.

Make sure, you don’t make that mistake. Give your opinions only when specifically asked. Otherwise, keep your thoughts inside you. | do it all the time. | know that people are different from me. Their upbringing, educational background, and experiences are different from mine. So, it’s obvious they wouldn’t have similar opinions. | don’t judge them for their opinions and | don’t let anyone judge for mine. And just because your opinions are different doesn’t mean they are superior. Maybe if you stay silent and listen to the other person, you will get to know a new perception.

So, go ahead and make a list of everything that you think you are not, or what you never want to be. For example; While | was in college, almost every other student used to drink. | never touched it even when my friends asked me to at least try. Why? Because | knew | am not this and | never will.

“If you compromise with your principles once, it will become your habit to cheat your principles anddo what’s cool.”

| am not saying you should drink or should not. | am saying | never wanted to try it. So | stood my ground. Now, it’s your turn to stand tall on yours.

That was the one reason | was often misjudged and left alone. | didn’t want to just belong to some group. | wanted to be with people who align with my values and principles. This is the thing about knowing what you don’t want. Once you set the lines clear for yourself, you stop taking the garbage in. You stop taking the bare minimum from people. You stop laughing at jokes that aren’t funny and you stop saying yes to everything because now you know what you are not, what you don’t want, and what you will never be. It raises your standard. It makes you feel that you are not here to adjust to everyone or everything. You simply learn to reject what you know you don’t want. It’s that simple. There is no such thing as learning to say NO. All you need to do is learn to know what you don’t want. Set the standards high and if people cannot climb those standards for you, then they will automatically stay away from you. This is how you attract good people and stay away from toxic ones. In fact, your eyes become blind to those who are toxic. In one simple glance, you can tell they don’t align with your values.