The Art Of Being Alone

Wayne W. Dyer once said “You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” and that | believe should be enough to close this part of the book.

But you are reading a self-help book so you want me to keep saying something until you are forced to believe that solitude is good. Though, | am not going to do it. Do you know why?

Because that’s our problem. We want others to make us believe in something. Hold our hands and show us the path. And when people leave us in between the journey, we feel lost like it’s all dark and scary. What you don’t realize is that you need to walk alone to reach where you want to go. Everyone has different goals so they cannot take the same route as you. You will meet some good/bad people on the way but eventually, they will turn the other way to move towards their journey. And in the end, you will be left alone. The choice would be yours, whether you want to stay on the way and cry and scream at people for leaving you while they enjoy their journey. Or do you want to keep walking and get closer to your dream destination? In both cases, you will be alone. But the choice of crying and seeing yourself as a helpless person or to keep walking and enjoying the journey will be in your hands.

After fifth grade, | never stayed in any school for longer than 2 years. | kept switching schools until college. Being an introverted and extremely under-confident child, it was already quite tough for me to make friends. And when | would finally make one friend who could turn into my best friend, | would have to start from scratch again. | had a really close friend in high school who is now married but | had to leave her because | changed school. Then | had another really close friend in +2 but then it was time for me to leave my hometown and shift to another city for college.
And then as God was creating a perfect illusion, | met my then-best friend on the first day of college who was also my roommate. For 4-5 months, the two of us were such great friends that even professors knew that we always stayed together. And for the first time, | felt like | found a best friend. But then | got really sick and had to come back to my home town for 15 days. When | went back after 15 days, | was already replaced. | knew that now | no longer fit in her definition of ‘fun.’ So, boldly | asked her to pick either her new friends or me. Well, you can imagine the rest.

| was alone for almost 3-4 months back then.| met some new people after this 4 month gap and long story short, they became some of the most amazing people | ever met. | met my girl gang who | still miss. These girls made me understand that ‘women uplift each other and women need each other more than they need men’ Society tricked us into believing that women are women’s biggest enemy but honey, you cannot even imagine what a woman can do for another woman.

Now back to my point, when my college life came to an end and | came back to my hometown, obviously we had to leave each other. | was with my friends for a short period but leaving them felt like leaving a part of me (for a while). When my college life ended, | thought distance cannot come between true friendship. This is what social media gurus say, right?

The initial few months were great. My friends and | used to connect every now and then to gossip about our college, remember the stupid things we used to do, and share our general life updates. It was going well until after a few months, every one of us got busy with our work. And even when we tried to take out time to have a call, we somehow ran out of topics to talk about. Our lives, profession, and environment were now different and so were our priorities.

It was in those moments that loneliness started hitting me. And | know even though | have said that loneliness andbeing alone are two different things and | still stand by my words. But it is also true that your heart misses people who made you feel at home just by their presence. Their stupid jokes, their gentle touch, their inspiring words, and their hidden care and love. It all makes you miss them. Missing the people who you cannot be with anymore. And realizing that you wouldn’t be able to meet the people who were a part of you creates loneliness.

Though, what | realized is that people are on and off in everyone’s life. They come and go, for good or bad. In case you didn’t understand, | meant that after watching this great web series and movies on friendship and romance, we are just manipulated into believing that ‘there is something called forever.’ However, when your own friends or partner leave you, you feel betrayed, lonely, and incomplete. You and | have nourished a belief that people have to be available for us 24/7. But real life doesn’t work that way. People aren’t ambulances who can be available to you whenever you want. They have got their own shit to deal with. They have got a career to work for. A family to nurture. A goal to achieve. And a few breaths to inhale in silence.

And this was one of the harsh truths that | had to accept when my college life came to an end and | had to say Goodbye to my friends. Initially, | used to feel sad and lonely too but later | realized ‘that is how things are going to be for the rest of our lives.’ This is the part of adulthood when you have to say Goodbye even if you don’t want to. This is part of being an adult when you have to let go of people to get a hold of your career. That’s why | said earlier that Loneliness Is a Part of the Journey. | am not saying that you have to choose between career and friendship. But it happens automatically that you wonder, ‘How did my friends slip away from my hands?’

That’s the bargain of making a career and living your dreams. Yes, there are some people who are lucky enough to have both but that seldom happens in reality and more inmovies/books. For example; One of my favorite series is FRIENDS but if you observe this series, all 6 friends hang out with each other all the time. They are always sitting in a coffee shop but that’s not possible in reality. You have a job, career, studies, and a lot more things to look after. You cannot just sit around all the time.

So, let’s make a new belief or rather an agreement that “you cannot expect people to stay forever.” Not because they are bad but because they have a lot to deal with in their own lives and that’s a part of growing up. The concept of forever is just a fantasy that you have bought from some random series. In our generation, forever means following each other on social media and once in a while commenting on each other’s posts and keeping each other in our memory lane. That’s it. Other than this, if you are expecting

anything from anyone, you are just preparing yourself to get hurt. So, kill your expectations of other people and realize one simple truth,

“You are on your OWN now. Except for YOU, no one is going to stay by your side forever. People cannot babysit you forever.”

So, even if you are around people or you find good people in the future (like | had), Know one thing: you cannot be dependent on anyone.

You will have to create enough space in your heart for yourself so that being with yourself feels safe and loved. And being with people feels like a bonus, not a short-term pleasure or escape.

So, ask yourself what you want for yourself. If you chose to keep walking then make one more choice - the choice of loving the person who you are with and that is YOURSELF. When you love yourself, you will view the journey as a treat. As | said earlier, it’s liberating to be with yourself. You arewith just one mind, one voice, one type of opinion and perception. You wouldn’t have to take the burden of becoming who you are not to please people you don’t like just to fit in, just for them to hold your hands until the end. When you know you can walk alone just as fine, you will be astonished to experience such simple joys of life that your soul enjoys.

| hope you understand what | mean. | am not asking you to push people away. Never do that. It’s hard to find people who truly love you. All | am asking is to not forget yourself in the noise of the world.

The next section of the book is based on - turning solitude into your growth period. But it can happen when you start viewing your loneliness as solitude. As a privilege, not a curse. When you are ready to walk with yourself, let’s learn to walk toward your dream life. Shall we?