Maple's Book of Randomness

Yay yet another subtopic in this book that will likely never be expanded upon because I'm probably gonna get distracted or get another new idea or just never have any other ideas for this.

And I'm also ignoring my very clear promise to myself that I would work diligently on the Sandstorm book.

Anyways, if I do continue to repeatedly update this section of this book, this will all just be essentially life updates, or things that I've been thinking about/bothering me. And I'll include dates too. Also I may cuss a little bit but that's just how I talk so children cover your ears while you read this.

02 February 2025

Got a few things to talk about today. I'll number them off so it's easier to read.

1. Starting off with my goofy-ahh dream that was like honestly the most terrified I've ever been in a dream. More so then when I dreamed about three tornadoes. So I guess in reality it was a nightmare.

So in case all of you didn't know, I play collegiate level lacrosse for an NAIA program. I'm not exactly the best on the team (even that's being a little generous), but I can hold my own in some parts.

But anyway, we were in a huddle after a practice or something, and my coach announced that there was an arm surgery taking place that needed a volunteer from the team. 

I don't know, it's a dream so it's some goofy stuff.

My hand immediately shot up to volunteer. Maybe I thought this would like make me super strong or finally be able to compete or something, but I didn't even let my coach finish his sentence before I volunteered.

My coach then gave me a sheet of paper that had all the details of the surgery on it. For some reason it was scheduled to happen in like two hours at a clinic like a mile down the road. And the surgery was gonna be performed by Lourde. You know, the singer from "Royals"? WTF? Then I read over the rest of the terms for the surgery that I had already signed agreement to.

And Oh Shit. This wasn't just an arm surgery, it was a full-blown arm amputation. I was going to lose both of my arms to be replaced by prosthetics. 

Then I realized that I would never be able to play lacrosse again, and my scholarship was going to get thrown out the window. I'm quite scared of change, which was definitely a big part, but I was also terrified of the financial burden this was gonna cause. 

Safe to say that I was very happy to have hands still when I woke up.

Later in the day I thought about how most dreams have some meaning, so I think that this might have been saying that I jump into things too quickly, and jump to conclusions, which was funny considering what I was thinking about before I fell asleep the night before:

2. I'm really scared that I won't really ever feel love. Like the giddy feeling when you look at someone who you find incredibly attractive, or the nervousness when you go on a first date. I'm now in college and still have never had a girlfriend. 

I've bottled my emotions up a lot because I find them to be roadblocks to greater things, but I think that in that pursuit that I may have bottled up a lot of the good ones too. The closest I've ever felt was feeling protective over someone, and idk maybe that's just how I express love? I sure as hell isn't what it's described as in all of the books I've read and movies I've watched, but at the end of the day those are just fiction, right?

Maybe I'm just overreacting and that's all it is. I've had crushes before, hell, I have one now, but it's still not that giddy feeling it's described as. I know that I really really like this person, ad maybe deep down I do love them, in that bottle I mentioned, but I don't know how to release that feeling.

This kind of leads me into the next thing, which is kind of funny considering what I just talked about-

3. I think I found the person I want to know for the rest of my life. I really hope she feels the same way and wants to know me for the rest of her life too.

And it doesn't even have to be in a romantic way. If it does end up as that, and we get married in the future, which would be awesome and I'd be super excited for if she shared these ideas, that's incredible and I've now gotta find out how to love.

Even if we both end up deciding that it's best for us to remain as friends, she's the most trustworthy person I know, and I confide with her in a lot of ways. Even the big love thing I just talked about. Before I went to bed I warned her that she might get uncomfortable with all that stuff and sent it to her in a massive 6-7 paragraph rant, and she said that not only was she not uncomfortable with it, but she was honored that I'd confide in her first.

Then she consoled me that panic attack, and after we had gotten past that changed the topic to something much more enjoyable and we talked for a good thirty minutes about stupid stuff.

Again, doesn't have to be romantic, but it'd be great if it were too. I may-haps have a big fat crush on her (dw she knows).

She's on this app somewhere, so if she happens to stumble across this and read it, I hope she knows it about her.