CTRL+E TO BE WITH U

Prologue

A lot of people have the courage to open up to someone they like, while others can't find it in themselves to be that vulnerable. I guess I fall into the second category, but like, I'm not about to just put myself out there and get rejected, so, I do the next best thing. Instead of confessing my feelings in person or even in a letter like some people do, I end up writing a whole draft of a love letter in my Google account. I know, I know, it's so baduy na, but who cares? It works for me. It's like my little secret, something I do every time I get these strong feelings for someone. I type it all out, let my heart spill in the words, but I never actually hit send. It's like a thing for me, every time-my own little ritual. I write them an email in my drafts and then leave it there, never sending it. "Para lang sa "all the boys I loved before"-favorite movie ko yun, eh." Pero instead of paper, email na lang, diba? It's almost like I'm pretending, in a way-writing them this letter but keeping it locked up in a place where only I can read it.

I guess it's a little safer that way. I get to vent out all the feelings without risking anything. If they don't ever know about it, then I can just move on. No harm done. It's like keeping a diary, but with way more dramatic flair. Honestly, I'm kinda addicted to it at this point. I just keep drafting these letters, keeping my feelings hidden in my inbox. Sometimes, I wonder if anyone else does this or if I'm just weird for holding onto my emotions this way.

"Then why the hell don't you just send it to them?"