Give 'Us' A Chance

CHAPTER 22

I mentally chuckled. How useless thought, isn't it? 

"Mr. Thomas?" 

He cleared his throat, "yes?"

"You are here since morning; you don't have to do anything now. Thank you so much for your help but you can leave now. I am totally fine, and I will be coming to work from tomorrow onwards." I said this as firmly as I could and didn't meet his eyes but the sense of vulnerability inside me only, I can see. Few seconds passed and then he spoke.

"Uh, are you sure-"

"Yes, I am absolutely sure. Thank you for your assistance." 

"Uh, uhm yeah. No problem actually." I finally shifted my gaze to him, put down Lily and ruffled her hair again. "It was nice meeting you muffin. See you soon."

"Same here Mr. Thomas. Thanks for the muffins once again." She brightly smiled at him, and he just chuckled. He stood straight and looked at me. He hesitantly nodded at me and left. I looked at the door which was now slightly open. I went there to close it. When I turned back, I saw Lily at the same place, and she was looking at those muffins with a pout. She looks a bit sad. Why does she look so sad? 

"Uh Lily?" She looked at me with a pout, "yes mom?"

"Let's eat something." I mentally facepalmed. She looks sad and I am asking her to eat food. But it's fine I will ask her when we will be eating. 

"No." I furrowed my brows. "What do you mean?"

"I don't want to eat anything; I am not hungry. I want to sleep." Without waiting for my reply, she went to our room and closed the door. Was she sad because he went away? But why would she be sad? Didn't they just meet few hours ago? I feel so mentally exhausted right now. Am I really exhausted or is it fever? I was about to go to the room as well but then my gaze fell on the food. Food which he made. I don't know what came into my mind, but I went there took a plate and poured some alfredo and salad. Taking a spoon, I sat on the floor leaning against the counter blocking my view from everything. I looked at the plate and took one spoonful of alfredo in my mouth. I sighed. 

And then another.

Then another.

Another one.

I don't how many spoons of Alfredo I shoved in my mouth but there was this wetness on my cheeks. I sniffed. My eyes were blurring. I guess I am crying. But why? I sniffed again. Shush, you can't cry too loud your daughter is there too. To stop me from crying I stuffed my mouth with food. My cries were muffled. But it's not enough. It's not enough. Anyone will be able to hear. Shush, shush. I can't cry. Why am I even crying. Oh God. I tried to stop my cries again but only an annoying squealed came from my throat. Gosh, this is so annoying, so frustrating. Why can't things go the way one wants to. Everything has to be difficult. So difficult. 

And then, I couldn't. I couldn't stop and started to cry. So, fucking annoying. How idiotic. Who the fuck gets suspicious or uncomfortable when someone is helping you out of kindness. Who the fuck gets confused about how to thank that person who helped you. I squealed a little louder this time. First time, for the first time my daughter was not only having conversation with someone but was happy to be with the person. I am her mother, won't I know about how she feels. Only that first day of her school, she asked me about his dad, and then not even for a single time she mentioned. I always wondered why? She can't be that mature to understand some things. More tears welled in my eyes. 

Doesn't matter what I do for her, doesn't matter how much I do for her, the place of a dad only a dad can fill. Not me. I know how it feels like to be without parents. My parents. I bitterly chuckled. Parents? They don't deserve the title. Who the fuck leaves their children without any information.

I still remember when I was just a small child. Every day, I would wake up and went to my parent's room to wish them good morning. That day, I thought was the same. I woke up and went to their room to wish them. Only to see neither my mom is there nor my dad. They loved me and my brother Luca equally. Or should I say dad loved us both. My mom, Eve loved us but not much. At that time, I was too young to understand anything but as I grew up, I understood she never dearly loved us not only us but there was something very wrong with her. But dad was total opposite. He always gave us time unlike her, he always loved us dearly unlike her. He in fact loved mom too much. I still remember how lovingly he used to look at her. My grandparents lived with us at that time too. I asked them about their whereabouts, but they also didn't know. I asked Luca but he was also unaware. Whole day passed but neither of them came. I was a crying mess because I thought something happened to them. Then, at midnight. Someone rang the bell. When my grandpa looked for who came at this time, I saw my dad. Dad, who was always so put up looked total opposite. His hair and dress were so disheveled it felt as if he had a fight with a wild cat.

His eyes were bloodshot red and looked drunk. I was so scared to even look at him. But grandpa and grandma tried to confront him but nothing. He didn't utter a single word; he went to his room and after few minutes came out with a bag and looked at me and Luca with no emotions and went away without glancing back. Neither I know where my mom is, nor I know where my dad is. I don't know what happened. I was a crying mess for days maybe weeks or months. Who leave their kids behind in that way? Lily never felt how it feels to have a dad, but I felt how it was to have a family, and I also know how fucking annoying, confusing and upsetting it is when that family breaks. And things don't just end here, my life only got difficult with the time I grew. 

I sighed. I rested my head back and looked at the ceiling. When I grew up, I promised myself to give a perfect family for my children and see how well it's going. I don't even have a father for her. I closed my eyes and tears slipped out. The plate in my hand. He made food. He cooks too good. Maybe I should make him my chef instead of my personal assistance. The food he made was neither over spicy nor too normal. Just perfect. Too perfect. 

But, why did I cry? 

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