In Trench I'm Not Alone

Each breath felt like fire, burning in his veins and charring his lungs. Tyler was going insane and he knew it, he could feel it. Deep in his body, in the form of flames.

The quiet buried into his mind, ripping him apart until he wanted to scream and scream and scream until his throat felt like the rest of him.

And finally after living in silence for longer than he thought possible, he snapped, craving the release music gave him from his own thoughts, he combined that with his desire to scream and found himself shrieking song lyrics as loudly as he could, his words echoing back to him, bouncing off the concrete walls.

He could only think of one song, the words tearing out of his chest. Welcome to the room of people who have rooms of people that they loved one day, locked away-

His voice stumbled and tripped over the lyrics 'locked away', wishing he picked a different song that didn't have to do with being locked up, but he was already in too deep and pushed through.

Halfway through the song and his throat was already starting to give out, but Tyler couldn't care less, the pain was so much better than the silence.

He slowed as he got to the bridge, allowing himself to sit on the floor, curling his legs under himself, his broken voice singing out a shattered All my friends are heathens, take it slow.

"Wait for them to ask you who you know," a quiet voice sang from behind him, near the door, their voice so smooth it felt like a deep breath.

Tyler's breath stuck in his throat, now fully aware of his tear-soaked cheeks, how red his face and eyes probably were, how unkempt his longer hair was. He really didn't want Josh to see him like this, to see him at what was most likely his worst.

"Go away, Josh," he whispered, keeping his eyes on the window in front of him, focused on the window sill instead of the dreary gray outside.

There was silence for a moment, then the sound of his bed squeaking as Josh sat on it.

"I like your hair," he said quietly.

"You don't get to like my hair," Tyler hissed through the burning in his throat.

"I- I'm sorry, Clancy, I didn't want to leave you..." Josh sounded close to breaking down, but Tyler refused to look at him.

Tyler tugged on a strand of his hair, for once his words leaving him, so unsure about what to say that it unnerved him.

"Clancy-" Josh tried, the tone of his voice nearly matching how Tyler felt.

"Stop, Josh. Ok? I'm trying to not blow up at you, give me a minute," Tyler said through his teeth, pressing his hands to his face, his breath burning through his rapidly pumping lungs.

"Should I leave?" Josh whispered, the pain he felt evident in his voice.

"Don't, don't leave," Tyler said quickly. "Just-"

The bed creaked under Josh as he shifted, pulling his legs under himself. "Ok..."

It took a moment of silence to get Tyler's heart to slow down, his breath to cool in his chest. He stood, and without looking at Josh, sat next to him on the bed.

The silence felt less damaging, more comfortable now that Josh was here.

"Clancy isn't my real name, by the way," he muttered before he realized what he was doing.

He could feel Josh's surprise, even though he clearly tried to keep it under wraps. "It's not?"

Tyler scrunched up his nose. "I don't like hearing my real name in their mouths..."

"How'd you get them to go along with the change?" Josh asked, his voice careful and quiet.

"I never liked it, even before I decided I hate this place. I changed my name a long, long time ago, the Bishops don't even remember the original me," Tyler said, closing in on yet another batch of tears.

"You don't have to tell me anything," Josh said quickly. "I won't ever ask or bring it up again, I promise."

"It's Tyler. I'm Tyler, nice to meet you," Tyler said, almost as quickly as Josh, his words cracking under the lack of confidence.

He looked at Josh finally, almost wanting to laugh at the completely dumbfounded look on his friend's face.

"Nice to meet you too," he said after a while, sounding unsure of himself , "So, it's like a stage name."

"Pretty much," Tyler shrugged, starting to relax back into himself.

"I won't use it if you don't want me to, I'll keep it a secret," Josh said earnestly, more sincere than Tyler had ever seen him.

"Josh, I'm giving you my real name because I trust you, ok? It's like... I mean, I don't have anything else for you, I wanted to give you something to connect us even when we're far apart. It's like a piece of me, a very important piece. Just don't lose it?"

Josh smiled slightly, the room feeling lighter than it actually was. "Ok, I won't."

"Ok, good. I have a quick question to ask you," Tyler said abruptly, unsure how to introduce this conversation and figuring it was best to just get it out of the way.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Are you..." he hesitated, gathering his thoughts before trying again. "Are you real?"

"Like... what?" Josh asked, his eyebrows furrowing together in confusion.

"Like... You're not just a manifestation I made because I'm lonely, right? Because how else would you be able to just, show up?"

Josh paused for a moment before breaking out into a grin. "No, I'm real. Really real, I promise."

"You promise a lot," Tyler observed, finding Josh's smile contagious.

"It's a bad habit, I'll work on it. Can I like your hair now?"

Tyler sighed slightly, his fingers finding it once again, curling the ends and tugging slightly. "Um. Yeah, you can like my hair."

"Great, because I have a lot of suggestions for it, ever try space buns?"