In Trench I'm Not Alone

The camp was finally in sight. Real civilization and real people after being so alone on Voldsøy, with the obvious exception of the Torchbearer and the Neds.

Except that the Torchbearer hadn't been real. And now that he was finally in front of Tyler for the first time, all Tyler wanted to do was kick his ass.

"Hey, real quick before we get into camp, I have a question I want to ask you, and only you," Tyler said to the Torchbearer, shooting a firm glance that wasn't meant to be mean at the other Banditos.

The few of them shrugged and trudged towards the collection of tents.

Josh was silent, patiently waiting for Tyler to get to the point of this unofficial meeting.

"Are you kidding me?" Tyler hissed, grabbing Josh's sleeve near his shoulder tightly, fighting off the urge to shake him.

"What?" Josh asked, sounding genuinely confused, only furthering Tyler's anger.

"I thought you were real this whole time! I should have known I was right when I started thinking I had just made you up!" Tyler felt his hands shaking, his other hand that wasn't tightly holding onto Josh's shirt went to grip onto the front of his own shirt so tightly he thought he might rip it.

"But- no, but I am real-" Josh defended, looking concerned.

Yeah, that's right, be concerned.

"You LEFT me, ALONE, on an island for YEARS, Josh! And the entire time I thought you were really real! You have no idea what I was going through there, I thought I would never make it out. You know, the only thing keeping me alive was knowing that if anything happened to me, you'd be left alone. But that wasn't even true!" Tyler's voice cracked, his voice unused to speaking at anything louder than his normal speaking volume.

"Clancy, Tyler, I'm sorry," Josh winced, his hands coming up to gently hold Tyler's wrist like he was scared of Tyler doing something to him. "I couldn't leave this place, I thought the best thing to do to be both places I needed to be was to project myself, I didn't think-"

Tyler felt his grip loosen as Josh used his real name, his breath stuttering in his chest in disbelief. "You know my name?"

"Yes!" Josh nodded frantically. "I was there, I know everything, I swear from the bottom of my heart."

"You still remember my name?" Tyler repeated, letting his hand slide away from Josh's sleeve.

"Of course, I never forgot," Josh said truthfully.

Tyler let out a breath that felt like it had been trapped inside of him the entire time they were on Voldsøy, and nodded. "I thought-"

Now it was Josh's turn to grab Tyler, his hands on Tyler's shoulders, holding him firmly, reassuringly. "Hey, I get it, ok? I know what you've been through, and honestly it would be a miracle if you got out without any trust issues. I should have just been straight forward with you from the beginning, but I was worried."

"Worried about what?" Tyler whispered.

"Um. Of this reaction actually. Or of you just pushing me away off the bat because you thought I wasn't... well, real, I guess. And after a while, I kind of forgot that I wasn't fully there, with you."

Tyler let this sit in his mind for a while, processing it, soaking in it, and then he smiled. Just lightly, barely, but noticeably. "I'm sorry about my mood swings, man," he muttered, rubbing a hand over his freshly shaved hair, the texture of the buzz helping to calm him even further.

"It's a risk I'm willing to live with," Josh said, and to Tyler it seemed like he was trying to fight off a smile.

"Ok, I accept your excuse, especially if it felt like you were also stuck on that island," Tyler said after a short moment of gathering his thoughts.

"I did, I really did. It's weird, being whole again, y'know? The part of me with you didn't know what the part of me with the Banditos was doing, if that makes sense. I have two sets of completely different memories, and it feels like I've lived twice the amount I should have."

"Ok, well that's upsetting," Tyler let himself smile fully, starting to relax back into his body. "Thanks for staying with me when you didn't need to. I guess that's better than what I thought, than if you were just forced to stay there like I was, the more I think about it."

"What can I say? I like holding onto my friends. I know what it's like, to feel like everybody leaves, and I don't want to be that person."

"I appreciate it, thank you," Tyler said quietly, leaning forward, nearly falling into Josh, wrapping his arms around him, and for the first time, gave the real Josh a real hug and got a real one back.

After a moment, almost too short for Tyler's wounded heart, Josh pulled away. "We should get to the camp before they start wondering what happened to us."

Tyler let out another breath that felt like he was releasing more than just air, and let the Torchbearer lead him to the Bandito camp. The place he had wished to return to for an amount of time that he didn't even want to measure.

But as he walked, he felt the painful truth stirring in his chest. He had spent so much time trying to get back here, to get away from Dema, and while both of those things were great, being where he seemed to belong and getting far away from the city that oppressed him for so long, none of it seemed that important anymore.

Spending years with only Josh made Tyler realize how much he truly needed his friend and now that he was close to getting everything he ever wanted, all he wanted was to do this for Josh.

Of course, their relationship was nothing but a friendship, and Tyler had no desire to make it anything more, but to him, and hopefully Josh felt the same way, their friendship was just more than a mutual bond. It was a reliance, the same way his lungs needed air. And he realized that the reason he had been so upset at Josh for not mentioning how he wasn't really there was because he had been scared that since Josh was full and whole again, that he was going to leave.