in which all good things come to an end, and nico rosberg and poe mckenna find that out the hard way.
IRL AND SOCIAL MEDIA FIC
male!oc x nico rosberg
? antoneiiis 2024
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BOTH OF THEM ARE WIDE AWAKE. Poe is lying opposite Lewis in the bed, his back turned to him. The bedsheets are half-draped over his shirtless form. The other end of the sheets are tangled around Lewis' lower half. Poe has been quiet since, not a single word uttered from him. Though he can feel Lewis' eyes on him, he doesn't even turn to face him.
He should tell Lewis to leave. He knows he should. But he can't find it within himself to even say a single word to him. It happened again, they did it again, but this time Poe feels guilty. Last time he hadn't out of anger, acting on revenge.
Boundaries that had been broken the first time, the line had already been crossed and they couldn't go back and act like they could fix it... Neither of them know what to do now.
It's too quiet in the hotel room, the only other sounds being the air conditioning as it cools down the room and the breathing of the room's inhabitants. Or, well, the steady breathing of one and the quiet sobs from the other.
They should have stopped from the very first time the lines were starting to blur. But the problem was, neither of them wanted to. Because Poe was seeking comfort in the only person who he had in that moment. And Lewis let him because it was something he had yearned for years. But seeking that out in the form of your best friend? Knowing the risks involved? Doing this as an act of revenge against the one person they know would hurt the most if he ever finds out? And the worst part is, he knows. Nico found out the first time. Poe is afraid of what Nico would say if he finds out for the second time.
This would never be love. Lewis knows where he stands. Poe's loyalties would always lie with Nico. So the fact that this even happened... They both hate themselves for it.
Poe had already received strike one when he walked out on Nico. This and the time before are strike two. He's afraid of what strike three would entail.
"Poe." Lewis' voice pulls him from his thoughts, but Poe still doesn't look at him. He can't. Not anymore. Not after he had the Brit beneath him just hours ago.
He forces himself to stop crying, wiping away the fresh tears while the old ones stained his cheeks with salt. His eyes sting and his lungs ache. Crying isn't going to fix this. Nothing would fix this. He has to accept that.
"Poe," Lewis tries again. His voice is softer this time. Poe shuts his eyes. If he pretends he doesn't hear him, if he pretends he can't see him, then he won't have to face reality. "Say something."
The unsettling silence filling the room is making it difficult for Poe to ignore everything. His chest feels tight and his stomach is churning, his thoughts filled with worry and guilt. He'll always be ashamed for this. For a moment that would never last because it was neither of theirs to have.
"I don't know what you want me to say..." he says quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. He rolls over onto his other side now, looking at Lewis. "Do you want me to admit that this was a mistake? Do you want me to pretend it didn't happen? Do you want me to admit I regret it? That I regret this and the last time and every time we've kissed? Because I do. I regret everything. I regret abandoning Nico and then not talking to him. I regret coming to see you when something goes wrong and I get overwhelmed. I feel horrible for that fact I can't even fucking hold conversation with Nico when I do talk to him over the phone. And now he knows you and I are having sex."
Lewis is quiet for a moment, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Really, he doesn't even know what to say to that. Because Poe is right and he supposes it's more his fault than the latter's. Lewis had been the one the initiate this: letting Poe come over and allowing him to stay the night since he was hours away from home, visiting him without Nico find out, finding him in the paddock and taking him far away from the cameras. Lewis knows it's his fault that Poe feels this way about the situation. He isn't going to deny that. It's the weight of it all that's making him wonder how things would be different if he hadn't enabled Poe.
"I can't be here," he says after a moment. Poe doesn't say anything at first. He just watches him as Lewis pushes the sheets off and sits at the edge of the bed. "We can't— I can't keep letting you do this just because you need something. Using me because you don't want to face the truth and apologize to him, I think that's a new low for you, Poe."
Poe sits up, running a hand through his hair as he leans against the headboard. But still, he's silent. He doesn't know what to say because he can't. Because Lewis is right. This is a new low.
"I can't give you want you want. I can't give you what you need. At some point, you're going to have to realize that." Lewis shuts his eyes for a moment, shaking his head. "We need to stop seeing each other and you need to go back to Nico."
"Lewis," Poe starts, pushing himself off of the bed. Lewis meets his eyes. "You can't make these decisions for me."
"No, I can't." Lewis turns away. "But I know how much you beat yourself up over it, even if you won't admit it directly. I can't be the reason you're destroying yourself. And I can't keep being the reason you're hurting Nico."
Poe wants to say something else, but he's not sure what. He's torn between begging Lewis to stay or telling him that the reason he was doing this wasn't to hurt Nico.
"I'm leaving," Lewis says as he grabs his shirt from off of the floor and pulls it down over his head. "I'll see you in the paddock. Hopefully Sky doesn't make you ever interview Nico. I don't think that would be a good idea."
"I hope not," Poe says quietly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sighs. "Goodbye, Lew."
Lewis gives him a tight-lipped smile in response before heading toward the door. He pulls it open and leaves, and Poe listens as the door closes shut.
author's note we are now halfway done with this book <33
