Only for the Summer

ENGFA

CHARLOTTE is quiet on the way home. It's raining, so my plans for an afternoon run are off, at least for now. My mom fills the silence by asking about the dresses and if we're both happy with our choices. I think she can tell something is wrong but isn't entirely sure what it is. Honestly, I'm not sure what it is either.

Charlotte and I had this incredible night, but we haven't had a second alone to talk about it. I don't know what it means and for the first time ever, I don't know what she's thinking. I hate this. I know something like this can ruin our friendship. All this time, this is why I've denied my feelings. I also don't know what to think about what Patcha has shown me. I had seen Win and Charlotte together at the party, but it was harmless flirting. Win is a stand-up guy; he definitely wouldn't try to make a move on someone he thought was mine

"Engfa?" My mom glances at me, and I realize we're home. I had been in such deep thought, I didn't even feel the car stop. I unlock the door, and we all walk through the garage into the house. Most of the time, we use the garage as a means to keep ourselves dry from the constant rain.

"Can we..." My voice trails as I look at Charlotte. She nods softly and smiles. Something about that smile gives me ease.

"I'll be making dinner soon, girls if you'll be around," my mom calls as we head upstairs.

Charlotte walks up the stairs first, so I follow her to her room. She opens the curtains on the porch doors to see the rain, and I sit on the edge of her bed. Just twenty-four hours ago, I was tangled in these sheets with her. Now, I'm on the physical edge of fear.

"Don't you just love the rain?" She breaks the silence first, sitting next to me. Pumpkin climbs into her lap, and she slowly pets him. My mom still isn't 100% on board, but until we find her owner, there isn't much we can do.

"I mean, not really." I chuckle. The rain is a big part of why I originally moved to London.

"Well, that's because you don't know what you have, but rain isn't as beautiful or as frequent in London. This is wonderful," Charlotte gushes.

"Weren't you afraid of the storm last night?" I question.

"Storms and rain are different," she insists.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

CHARLOTTE

Engfa's phone goes off. She hesitates but grabs it from her pocket. Looking confused, I wonder if I should ask who it is. Friend me would have, but this limbo-in-between friend has no idea.

"Who is it?" I ask anyway because the suspense is killing me.

"Pichy," she says quietly after a moment.

"Oh," I say emotionless.

"I haven't heard from her in a while, but she wants to talk." She looks up confused.

"I guess she texted me earlier too, but I didn't see it." She frowns, and my face turns red.

"Oh," I tread lightly.

"Weird, I must've opened it in my sleep." My heart clenches in my chest.

"Oh." I try to be nonchalant about it, just nodding.

"She wants to talk about us," Engfa clarifies.

"Is there something to talk about?" I ask, unsure of what to say next.

"I don't know," she answers honestly.

"Maybe hear her out then." I shrug.

"Do you think I should?" she counters. We're playing a very dangerous game right now.

"I mean, it's not like we're together, right?" I let the last word slip from my tongue, desperately. Put the ball in her court for once.

"I guess not." She nods. Fuck. Did I say the wrong thing? I don't know what the heck to say here. No one has a rule book of what to do if you fake date the girl you're in love with, and her ex wants to talk.

"Does she know you're here?"

"I think so. I've posted on Instagram a few times." She shrugs.

"Does she know I'm here, too?"

There's a long pause. "I don't know.

"We broke up right before we got here. She's texted a few times casually. But I thought it was just polite since we have friends in common; let's not be enemies and all that." Engfa furrows her brow.

"Maybe that's what she wants to talk about? Or did she say she wants to get back together?"

"She uh, didn't say. Does that matter?"

"I guess you could get back together since we're only fake dating. No one would catch on since she's in London." I shrug and bite my cheek. I don't know where the words are coming from, but they don't stop.

"You don't think anyone would care?"

I can't tell if she's asking about my feelings or anyone else's. This is my opportunity to say something, kiss her, or at least do something. But I can't. I can't lose her, and going down that road would inevitably end in a breakup. I can't handle not having her in my life.

"I don't think so." I shrug, avoiding eye contact. I'm willing not to break in at this moment. I haven't even considered my side in all this. What if someone does find out we aren't really dating? It won't be the end of the world, but it'll be more embarrassing to her than me.

Engfa doesn't say anything else but starts texting. A few seconds later, another text comes through as I watch the rain. The calming effects I had felt moments earlier seem to be gone. I can feel the tears building in my eyes just as I had earlier. I wish I had a reason to leave; anything has to be better than sitting here and watching Engfa slip from my fingertips.

"I'm going for a walk."

"Really?" Engfa asks, surprised. I don't blame her; it is pouring rain.

"No, I mean yes. I'm going to walk outside the property a bit and call my mom." I don't offer anything more.

"Okay." She pauses. "Are we okay?" Her eyes search mine for a response.

"Of course." I plant a fake smile and go to change in the bathroom.

It isn't until I'm outside that I let myself tap into my feelings. The tears fall just as hard as the rain pours, but I only feel the pounding in my chest. I silence my tears. Letting my sobs get drowned out by the rain, I stand just under the front porch, thankful her parents have gone out for the day. I need to get past this feeling. I can't let myself get upset over anything. Engfa is my best friend and now, nothing will ever change that. I need her in my life as something rather than nothing at all. So, all I can do now is accept this and her possible new relationship. I need to be happy for her, for them, and show my support.