Only for the Summer

"ARE YOU OKAY?" Sun puts his hand on my shoulder. I want to speak, but no words come out. 

Is that really how Charlotte felt? 

That I was just a harmless crush? 

How could I be so stupid and think it was turning into something more?

"I'm great," I lie. Thankfully, Sun and I are alone after the ride. The rest of the group has decided to hit the ride another time while we want to get back to our girls. Little did I know I'd overhear the words that break my heart.

"She didn't know you were listening," Sun insists. We had walked up behind them with every intention to scare them until Chanda asked about me. Somehow, they don't see us in the sea of people around and continue talking.

"That's the point. She didn't know, and that's how she feels." I try to shrug it off, but something just isn't sitting right with me anymore.

What's she still doing here if that's how she feels? I should let her go and stop pretending. I can't believe I just told Sun I was ready to confess my feelings to Charlotte—why did I let him influence me?

"I still think you should tell her," Sun repeats.

"Just don't right now, okay? I don't want to talk about this anymore, especially here." We're in the middle of the festival; anyone could hear me, and I'd be a joke.

Sun nods and heads off to find Chanda while I pace around the game booths. Then I catch a glimpse of Charlotte's red hair in the crowd, laughing with Win. My jaw tightens. Is he the reason she moved on? No, Win wouldn't do that. Before I can think too much, they spot me. I quickly muster a smile and walk over.

"Hey, we were looking for you." Win smiles.

Charlotte's smile falters, but I no longer blame her. All week, I've been trying extra hard to get her alone, wanting to talk about my feelings and hers. Now we're on the same page; our fake relationship is just that—fake.

"We're going to grab some food. I think everyone's all rode out," Chanda adds, Sun's arm wraps around her.

"Sounds good." I nod.

Charlotte slips her hand into mine, but I can't bring myself to look at her.

Suddenly, everything feels off.

Has holding her hand always felt this way?

I sense that she's aware something's amiss, but we can't discuss it here.

She offers to share her fries, but I can't imagine forcing them down.

Each gesture I once interpreted as a sign of her feelings now feels like a mirage—just my imagination running wild.

I've talked myself into believing that we might jeopardize our friendship over something that might not even exist.

*

"Hey, what's going on?" Charlotte stands in the bathroom doorway. 

She's wearing an extra-large t-shirt that barely covers her thighs as pajamas. 

We're back from the festival pretty late, but neither of us is tired. 

She's worried about me, evident by her creeping in the doorway, and I'm actively avoiding her.

"Nothing," I lie. I'm not ready to talk about this.

"You're a terrible liar." She smiles and takes a few steps closer.

"What are you doing?" I ask as she slides into bed next to me.

"I'm just sitting here until you're ready to talk about it," she says as if it's obvious. She unlocks her phone and reads something. Is she really going to sit here?

"You'll be here awhile," I grumble.

"Engfa, come on. Just tell me why you're being weird." She frowns.

"I was just thinking about this little arrangement," I start. If I open this, I won't be able to stop it.

"What about it?"

"I want to offer you an out." The words come out sharper than I intend, but I can't hide my hurt.

"The wedding is in two weeks." Charlotte's forehead creases with stress.

"Look, there's nothing going on between us, and there never will be, so why are we pretending?"

"W—what did you say?" She clenches her jaw, and I know I've struck a nerve. It isn't my intention, but this is hurting me just as much.

"I'm just being honest. It was supposed to get my parents off my back, and it did. I'm just offering you an out. I don't want you to feel trapped or stuck here. So, do what you need to do." I shrug, trying to pass off nonchalance.

"I don't even know what to say," Charlotte mutters after a few minutes.

"Okay." I throw the covers off me and slide my legs out of the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to pee." It's a lie but I can't sit next to her for another second. The one thing I'm most terrified of just happened because of me and my big mouth.

By the time I get back to my room, Charlotte's gone.

I ignore the nagging in the pit of my stomach as I climb into bed alone. 

We had spent so many nights wrapped in each other's arms, only making it more obvious how alone I am right now.