Belonging

"Annie." Maxim says softly. "Honey, I've got some food for you."

I ignore his words, staring blankly at the wall. He sets his hand on my shoulder and my eyes close a little bit.

"You need to eat." He tells me. "You might feel a bit better once you do."

"No I w-won't." I whisper shakily.

He sighs. The bed dips beside me and I curl my arms around myself. I think I am hungry, but everything going on in my body is diminished and made insignificant by my emotional and mental torment. I don't want to eat anything. In fact, I hope my ignorance toward my body's needs pulls me under and kills me because I'm not sure if I can face the world without my grandfather.

"Annie." He repeats. "You haven't had anything proper to eat since yesterday morning. Ivanna made it for you."

"Please just g-go away," I whisper. "I don't want anything t-to eat."

He sighs again. "Okay. I'm gonna leave it here though, alright?"

I don't respond, just sink further beneath the covers until I'm consumed by them. I hear him put the plate on the nightstand, then leave the room. I don't move from my position on the bed. I can't. I don't think anything could make me.

Days go by. I don't go to school. I eat and drink the bare minimum only when my brothers-normally Maxim or Aleksander-come in and make me do so.

On Wednesday, the day my grandfather promised he'd be back, I get out of bed and go downstairs, holding onto my last tendril of hope that my grandfather is going to come back. Maybe his phone died so he couldn't message me back. Maybe he's been trying to get home to me this entire time, and my brothers really were just playing a horrible and cruel prank on me.

I go into the living room. Nobody else is in here, enabling me to go and sit on the couch closest to the window without any awkwardness or difficulty. I turn around, resting my arms on the back of the couch as I look through the slits in the blinds hanging from the window, which gives me a perfect view of the empty driveway.

Some time goes by before I hear heavy footsteps coming my way. I stiffen, frowning a little bit as I look down at the fabric of the couch.

"Anastasiya."

I glance behind me, to where Ivan is standing. He offers me a small sympathetic smile. He closes the distance between us and sits down next to me.

"How are you feeling?" He asks softly.

I don't reply, just slide my gaze back to the window.

"Do you want anything to eat? Ivanna is here, I can ask her to make you something."

"No thank you." I whisper.

"Okay." He responds. "Uh.. Petro and I were talking earlier. We're going to have grandads funeral on Friday."

My eyes fill with a fresh round of tears. A funeral. That solidifies and confirms my grandfathers death. It makes it real. Permanent. Undeniable. My grandfather is dead. He's going to be buried in the ground, surrounded by dirt and bugs and-

"Hey, it's okay," Ivan says, and it's only when his words snap me out of my thoughts that I realise I've started to cry again. My breaths come out short and quick as my bottom lip begins to tremble. "Anastasiya?" He questions, but I can barely hear the sound of his low, deep voice over the sound of my heart beating violently in my chest. "Ana." He says, his voice even softer this time. I look up at him. "I know this is horrible and I know that you miss grandad, we all do. But this will give you a chance to have closure-"