Belonging

C44: Home

"I d-don't want closure. I want m-my-my grandad." I choke out.

"I know." He says. "I know." He adds, quieter. "But.. he's gone, Anastasiya. And we're going to have the funeral for him on Friday. Why don't one of us take you shopping and you can get a black dress to wear?"

"I h-have a black dress. I can get it from my grandads house." I say.

"I'll get it for you." He's quick to respond. "What does it look like?"

"I can get it." I say quietly, sniffling.

"I think it's for the best that you stay here." He tells me gently.

"Why?" I ask.

"We'll bring all your stuff here, okay?"

"Why?" I repeat, stiffening.

"Because you live here now, with us." He tells me gently.

I look up at him. I suppose a part of my brain knew that, but I hadn't really processed it. I hadn't processed that since my grandfather is dead there is only one other place for me to reside in-my brothers' house. With them. Not with my grandfather. With my brothers. For the rest of my ruined childhood.

I inhale a sharp breath. No, no, no, no, no! I can't live here! Not with them! Not alone! "No." I whisper. "No, I wanna go home."

"This is your home now." He tells me.

"No it's not." I say, sniffling.

"I know things were bad for you here before, but it won't be like that anymore." He assures me.

"You're lying." I choke out. "I don't want to live here!"

Something like hurt flashes across his features, which only adds to my anger. How dare he be offended? He was the one who told me they didn't even want me in the first place! He told me there were things wrong with me, that I was fucked in the head! He blamed me for the things Angelina did! He treated me horribly! And now he's not letting me go home? Not even for a few hours to get a dress for my grandfathers funeral?

I turn toward the doorway when I hear footsteps again. Aleksander walks in. He smiles when he sees me. "Anastasiya. Are you okay?"

"No!" I exclaim. "I want to go home!"

He glances to Ivan, furrowing his eyebrows. "Sweetheart, is there something you need from there? We can go get it for you."

"No, I want to go there." I say.

"You need to stay here." Aleksander tells me gently.

"Why?" I ask. "You're n-not telling me why."

"You need to get used to staying here." He tells me. "I know you want to go there because it reminds you of grandad, but you're not."

"Yes I am." I respond, my eyes narrowing.

They share another look.

"I know that you're really upset, Ana," Aleksander says, closing the gap between us as he comes to stand in front of me. He crouches down in front of me and holds onto my hands. "But for now I think that it's best if you stay here with us."

"I don't care what you think." I respond. "I want to go home!"

"You are home now, sweetheart." He says.

My watery eyes narrow into a glare. "This isn't my home. You all made sure I knew that! Grandads house is my home."

"Not anymore." Aleksander responds, standing to his full height. He looks down at me. "You're tired and you're upset and you need to calm down from everything that's happened. Why don't you stay in here and I'll turn the fire on for you, and you can watch some television? Ivanna can make something for you to eat."