Silent wounds

Onika Maraj
Atlanta, GA
April 23, 2023 (sun)

🝮

We stepped into the hospital, the sharp scent of antiseptic hitting us immediately.

Kylie clung tightly to my hand, her fingers wrapped around mine like she was afraid to let go. Kayson and Kaiden walked slightly ahead, their shoulder tense, their expression unreadable. Lauren was beside me, quiet, her presence grounding me in a way I desperately needed.

We reached the door to Beyoncé's room, and I hesitated for a second, my heart pounding in my chest. I wasn't sure I was ready to see her like this. But then I glanced down at my kids—the fear in their eyes, the uncertainty—and I knew I had to be strong for them.

I took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

The room was dimly lit, the only sounds coming from the beeping of machines and the low hum of the ventilator. Beyoncé lay on the hospital bed, her skin pale against the white sheets. Wires and tubes were attached to her, an IV drip in her arm, the heart monitor displaying a steady rhythm.

Kylie let out a quiet gasp, her grip on my hand tightening. "Mama.." She whispered.

Kayson and Kaiden stayed frozen in place, their eyes locked on their mama's still form.

Lauren placed a hand on my back, offering silent support. I swallowed hard and stepped closer, keeping my voice soft. "She's okay, baby." I reassured Kylie, though the lump in my throat made it hard to speak. "She's just sleeping."

Kylie sniffled, stepping forward hesitantly. "She looks...different." She said quietly.

"She's just tired." I told her gently. "Her body's healing, that's all."

Kayson finally moved, walking up to the other side of the bed. He stared at Bey for a long moment before reaching out and carefully taking her hand. "Mama ?" He said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Can you hear me ?"

Silence.

Kylie looked up at me. "You said she might hear us, right ?"

I nodded. "Yeah, baby."

Kaiden finally stepped forward, his jaw clenched. "So if we talk to her...maybe she'll know we're here ?"

"That's right." Lauren spoke up gently. "Even if she can't talk back, she might still feel us here with her."

Kylie let go of my hand and slowly reached out, touching Bey's arm. "Mama, it's me. Kylie." She whispered. "I miss you."

Kayson squeezed her hand gently. "We all miss you."

Kaiden stood at the foot of the bed, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. He was trying to be strong—I could see it in the way he blinked rapidly like he was forcing himself not to cry. My baby.

I stepped closer, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay to talk to her, baby." I murmured.

He swallowed hard, staring at Beyoncé for a long moment. Then, in a voice so soft I almost didn't hear it, he said. "I need you to wake up, mama."

My heart clenched.

Lauren wiped at her eyes before clearing her throat. "Alright, why don't we all take a moment and just...tell her about our day ? You know she'd want to hear all about it."

Kylie nodded eagerly. "We were practicing our dance, mama ! But then Kayson put on the wrong song and-"

"I did not put on the wrong song." Kayson interrupted, shaking his head. "She just didn't like it because it was too fast."