Choosing Me

"What the fuck was that, Stass?" he snapped, slamming the bedroom door shut behind him.

I froze, still on the phone, but Veronica must have heard everything because she went silent.

"You embarrassed the fuck out of me in front of everyone... how could you be so selfish?"

I didn't say a word, I just stared at him.

My body felt heavy, like it didn't belong to me anymore. I didn't even have the strength to go back and forth with him. I just kept... staring...shocked.. silent.

Was I really that blind? Was Vee right?

All the late nights... the "I'm working late" texts that always came after 9 p.m.
All the careless, cold remarks that he brushed off like nothing...
The way I always made excuses for him, even when I knew better.

He stepped closer, eyes narrowing. "Aren't you going to say anything?"

I hung up the call. My phone slid from my hand to the bed.

"You want to talk about embarrassment?" My voice was quiet, but it held something sharp now. "Let's talk about that little speech you gave at the party."

He blinked, confused for a second. "What about it?"

"You called me the perfect girlfriend," I said. "Right after saying I don't have a career, but I know how to make sure you don't starve."

He scoffed. "I was just trying to lighten the mood."

"At my expense?" I asked, stunned.

He dragged a hand down his face like he was the one exhausted. "Jesus, Stass, it wasn't that deep. People were laughing, it was just~"

"I heard someone call me your housekeeper." My voice cracked then. "Do you know how that felt?"

He shook his head, pacing now. "I didn't mean it like that. I froze, okay? I hate giving speeches...I was just trying to make people laugh."

"You made them laugh alright," I said, quietly. "They laughed at me. You humiliated me, and now you're here acting like I'm the problem because I didn't stay there and smile through it?"

His jaw clenched.

"I always show up for you," I whispered. "But you don't show up for me."

He stared at me like he didn't recognize me anymore... or maybe he never did.

I felt my phone vibrating again. Veronica was calling. I ignored it.

He looked at me, eyes narrowing, and let out a cold laugh. "Is that what this is about? You're jealous I got a promotion? That I make more money than you?"

I blinked. I actually blinked like I was trying to clear the version of him I thought I knew from in front of me.

I was looking for the Jim I knew... the Jim i fell in love with... I was hoping I could somehow find the version of him I fell for hidden under this man I did not seem to know.

"Wow," I whispered. "So that's what you really think of me."

He didn't answer, he just stood there, looking frustrated realizing he had fucked up but refusing to lower his pride and apologize.

I did not say one word, I got up from the bed, picked up a pillow and walked past him, all the while he was just standing there watching my movement like a fool. I stepped out of the room and went to the living room.

It was a one-bedroom apartment, and the only other space to sleep was the couch but I did not care. I just needed to be away from him.

I laid down in the dark, pulling the throw blanket that is kept on the sofa over me and staring at the ceiling. My chest was tight, but there were no tears.

There was only silence...and the kind of emptiness that didn't go away.

It was Saturday morning.

I woke up earlier than usual, the kind of early that made everything feel quieter than it really was.

I folded the blanket neatly and put the pillow on top of it on one end of the couch and went straight to the kitchen. I made coffee, washed a few dishes that were left in the sink and opened the windows to let in fresh air.

I did everything like I always did~mechanically, methodically. The rhythm of a woman who had done this a hundred times before. The kind of woman who didn't ask questions anymore. Who didn't beg for clarity.

He came out of the bedroom already dressed for work. Hair damp, shirt pressed, tie hanging loose around his neck.

"Stass..." His voice was quieter this time. Careful.

I didn't look up. Just poured coffee into two mugs and only took one with me to the table.

He stood there for a second, watching me like he didn't know where to start.

"I just... I had too much to drink," he said. "I didn't mean any of what I said last night. You know that, right?"

I took a sip of my coffee and looked out the window.

He stepped a little closer. "Can we just forget it happened?"

I didn't answer.

Didn't even blink.

He sighed and finally turned to grab his keys from the counter. "I'll see you later."

The door clicked shut behind him.

He thought I was still deciding.

But what he didn't know was that I already had.