Warm Hands

I don't listen to the leaks.

Not out of respect for Oakley, as he could trip and fall off a ravine and I would ask him to do a backflip, but for the sake of my mental well-being.

Part of me is tempted to.

It's partly out of destructive curiosity to learn if there's anything in the lyrics even reminiscent of me or our relationship (or however he's twisting them to fit his 'I've done nothing wrong to this evil, boy-crazy woman' victim narrative). It's also because I thought it would be a good idea to be prepared for the inevitable questions; it will have officially dropped by the time my late-night show stunt begins, and it's all a hot topic.

Both of them stem from self-preservation, two halves of the same coin, but one of them is slightly less out of my control than the other.

The song is already written, recorded, and available to be listened to. I can't do anything to change it. People will speculate and attribute meaning to it no matter what I do, though it eats me alive not knowing what they're saying or what they're commenting on, I'm committed to protecting myself.

I can't control the questions I'll be asked about it, either, but I can control my answers. I can be polite and assertive, keeping my distance while remaining respectful even though it's the last thing I want to be. If I'm being slandered, I don't want to laugh it off and argue it's part of the process or whatever excuse Oakley gives. I want him to be held accountable, but I value myself and my integrity more than I care about petty revenge.

Sweet, petty revenge. A luxurious, scrumptious sundae with a cherry on top. I can taste it on the tip of my tongue, teasing.

I figure—and Sadie agrees—that the worst, most hard-hitting display of revenge is indifference. Such is the life of a narcissist.

If Oakley is keeping tabs on me and how I react to him and his work, especially this song, even when I have him blocked on social media, then I should take advantage of that.

The timing of it all is suspicious, as the song announcement, its subsequent leak (highly convenient, too), and now release all followed that one gossip article about me and Matt at the café. As speculation about the nature of our relationship evolves, especially now that we're actually getting along like half decent human beings, so does the attention. So do the stakes.

If people are watching this back and forth, the competition to see who wins the breakup like it's even what any of this is about, then I'm about to make the most of it—and look good and have fun.

I know how to please and keep a crowd interested. I'm all smiles and giggles and hair flips on the late-night show, an absolute delight to have on, and am just so wonderful to talk to.

Are they not entertained?

"Oakley is hardworking and a very competent lyricist and musician," I say. I've rehearsed this exact response more times than I can count. I can recite it in my sleep in two languages. "I haven't had a chance to listen to it yet, but I know his work, and know how much effort goes into creating these songs. I'm sure it's good."