JAAN ( Darr 2 )

To see you just ...that

She knew what it had done to him. She had seen it in his eyes, in the haunted way he looked at her sometimes, as if he couldn't believe she was still there. 

Rahul had gone mad once, lost himself in his obsession for her, and now, that madness had turned inward, festering into self-loathing. She often found herself thinking about the day in Edenfeld, the day he had nearly ended everything. 

What if she had been just a minute late? What if she hadn't stopped him? The thought still sent a chill through her, a reminder of how fragile things had been.

Kiran wanted desperately for him to understand that he didn't need to be so cautious anymore, that she wasn't going anywhere. But no matter how much she tried to show him, to reassure him, the message never seemed to fully get across.

 His guilt was too deep, too ingrained for him to believe that she could ever truly care for him. And yet, he pretended that he was fine with it, that he had accepted her presence without expecting more, as if he was resigned to her eventually leaving him behind.

It wasn't that she didn't care. She did more than she could explain, more than she had ever expected to. But saying she loved him? That was something she wasn't ready for. Not yet. Not when she was still trying to make sense of her own feelings, still sifting through the remnants of her life with Sunil and what that had done to her.

Kiran's thoughts drifted back to those early days, when the weight of everything....er past, her present, and this uncertain future, used to overwhelm her. 

She had often thought about running away from it all, convincing herself that distance might be the answer. But deep down, she knew that even miles away, her mind would still circle back to the same questions, the same doubts. 

It didn't matter where she went, the turmoil inside her followed.

She particularly remembered one day, a quiet afternoon, when she had been sitting on the window seat of her new bedroom. 

Or was it ''their'' bedroom? That thought had been weighing on her mind then, too. Rahul had spent most nights with her anyway, but only when she insisted. 

He never pushed, never even asked to stay, but he never denied her, either. She could feel his caution in every action, how he'd hesitated to overstep, to impose his presence in a space that might not fully belong to him.

She had noticed so much about him after arriving at isendorf, how he would do anything to avoid making her uncomfortable, how he never really disagreed with her.

 It wasn't submission, exactly. He would tease her make casual comments but It was as though he was holding back, afraid to make a single misstep that might cause her to reconsider staying.

And that bothered her. Kiran didn't want him to feel like he was walking on eggshells around her, but how could she tell him that without making things worse? She hadn't wanted to add to his already fragile state of mind, hadn't wanted him to feel like his efforts to respect her boundaries were well, too much at times.

 So she had said nothing, choosing instead to keep her own insecurities and overthinking locked inside.

Sitting by the window, she had stared out at the garden, where the weeds still covered most of the land. It was a mess, much like the tangled emotions she felt inside. She had told herself that, in time, both the garden and her heart would be cleared, slowly, painstakingly, until something new could grow.

she had wondered if she was holding him back, if he was only staying with her out of guilt or obligation. She hadn't known how to ask him if he truly wanted to be there, if he could ever see this as ''their'' home, or if it would always feel like he was intruding on something she hadn't quite let go of.