i want to be me not your puppet

chapter 16 The Wedding.. part 1. I..?

Look at me, using penguins to act out my life. Penny was me, Pip was Colt and peppy was Jade. Is this what my life had come to?

"Lets go see the wolves mummy,"Alec starts pulling on Colts hand, but Colt was staring at me her blue eyes concerned an questioning. She sighs looking away but her other free hand slips perfectly into mine, the butterflys starting in my belly just from one touch.

"You saw what I saw with those penguins right?"Colt ask quietly as we walk.

"Yeah, I did,"I answer quietly. "I wish I could make this easier for you. Hell I wish I could make this easier for me, But I can't,"

"I know, and I respect whoever you choose, as long as you do it for yourself,"Colt's words were much wiser and calmer than usual.

"Colt, I.."I didn't know what to say but I felt like I should say something, anything, to make things easier.

"You don't have to say anything, Alex. But, if you say I do at the wedding..I'll let you go because it's not fair on me or you for me to hold on to you," At the mention of Colt letting me go my hand automatically tightened around hers.

"I know,Colt."I sigh letting my hand fall from hers "I have been selfish, it's not fair on you. It has never been fair on you and thats why,"I took a shaky breath before continuing "I have to let you go now," I looked up in to Colt's pain-filled eyes, she looked down at me nodding slightly.

"I know,"Colt whispered so quietly, as kids ran round us loudly but they didn't matter. "But on the day, Jade will be standing at the alter and I will be waiting at the door, If you say I do to Jade I will leave. IF, however, you should choose me..Then I will love you how you deserve to be loved,"Colt's words were promise's.

"Goodbye, Colt,"I whisper my hands moving up Colt's chest, to her neck. I pull her down, 'one last kiss' I think. One last kiss..But as our lips touched, I never wanted one last kiss. I wanted a lifetime with Colt, but that was me being selfish.

This kiss was selfish of me, But I had to do it.

I pull away from Colt, turning my back before she could say anything. I walked back out of the Zoo ignoring the strange looks from parents an some workers as a couple of stray tears rolled down my face..

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"Where the hell have you been!"Jade screamed as soon as I shut the door.

"I told you, I had a few last minute things to sort out before the wedding,"I answer back grumpily, really not in the mood for her this afternoon.

"And what was that?"Jade asks snarkily, her eye's showing the rage she was trying to hide.

"None of you're business,"I tell her taking my coat off hanging it up. The next thing I know, Jade's hand is in my hair yanking my hair back making me yelp in pain.

"I'm marrying you, you little bitch. So when I ask you something you tell me, okay?"Jade growls as she coldly glares down at me as my tears start flowing again.

"I'm sorry,"I sob trying to keep my balance.

"Where were you?"Jade asks again, I swallow before answering.

"I was trying to,"I gulp "Memorize my vows, so everyone knows, how much I love you,"I lie completely but right now I would do anything to get Jade to let me go. Jade lets my hair go roughly pushing me away from her causing me to fall back towards the door, I tried to get my balance but my cheekbone connected with the door handle as I fell.

I gripped my face in pain, this was definaitly going to cause bruising.

"Look what you've done now you clumsy, slut."Jade spits "That was you're fault, Now get up,"