Fever Dream

Kalena

The sun had barely warmed the sky when I woke. Billie was still sleeping, one arm flung over my waist, her leg tangled with mine under the linen sheets. Her breathing was soft, steady — the kind that makes you feel like maybe the world really can slow down.

I just watched her for a while. Not in a creepy way — in a this is the only place I want to be kind of way. Her freckles were more visible in the morning light, little constellations across her nose and cheeks. I traced one of them with my eyes and smiled.

"You're staring," she murmured, not even opening her eyes.

"You said that yesterday," I whispered back.

She grinned sleepily. "Because you keep doing it."

I leaned in, kissed the corner of her mouth. "Can you blame me?"

She opened one eye. "Mm... I guess not."

We stayed in that quiet little bubble for a moment, listening to the wind through the trees and the birds outside the window. It smelled like pine and sea salt, and Billie — warm and real beside me, her fingers slowly brushing up and down my hip like she didn't even realize she was doing it.

"Last night was..." I began, but trailed off.

Billie looked up at me, serious now. "Too much?"

I shook my head. "No. It was perfect. It was... it was what I needed. Even if I didn't know I needed it."

She exhaled softly. "I didn't want to push you. I just wanted you to feel safe. You deserve that."

I turned onto my side, propping myself up on one elbow so I could really look at her. "You're so gentle with me. Even when I'm a mess. Especially when I'm a mess."

"You're not a mess," she said, brushing a curl from my face.

I gave her a look. "Billie. I cried in your arms while half-naked in a pool."

"You were naked, actually," she said with a smirk. "Let's not revise history."

I snorted. "Fine. Fully naked. Emotionally imploding. And you just... held me."

She nodded, a little more serious now. "Because I love you. That's what this is. Not just the fun stuff. I'm here for all of it."

I looked down at her chest rising and falling. "I think part of me still doesn't believe I get to have this."

"You do," she said instantly. "You get to have softness. You get to have real love. Even if they—" her voice caught slightly "—even if she can't give it to you right now."

That part still hurt. It sat in my chest like a stone.

"I keep thinking about texting her," I admitted. "Just to... I don't know. Ask why. Beg her to understand."

Billie reached for my hand and laced our fingers together. "You don't have to beg for love, Kalena."

I swallowed. "But it's my mom."

"I know," she said softly. "And it's okay to grieve it. I just don't want you shrinking yourself to fit into the version of you she thinks is acceptable."

I blinked back tears. "You always say the right thing."

She shrugged. "Only because I know what it feels like. I've been there. Trying to be everything for everyone except myself."

I leaned down and kissed her — slow, grateful. She kissed me back like she meant it, like she wasn't in a rush.

When we pulled apart, I whispered, "Can we just stay in this bed forever?"