I CAN'T SLEEP ?PHAN

I sighed quietly, deciding it was no use anymore. Since last night, I was too scared to sleep. I couldn't even put my head to the pillow without the horrifying flashbacks drowning my mind and tears springing in my dull brown eyes. Prominent, dark circles lined my eyes and my skin was deathly pale.
Phil didn't say anything in the morning, he only glanced worryingly at me and frowned. I know he knows something's wrong, really wrong, but I can't bring myself to tell him about it. He would call me crazy, kick me out of the flat and never speak to me again. Or, he would kill me with pity and call a therapist or counselor on the spot. I wouldn't be able to bear either of those, so it's best to just keep quiet.
My feet hit the cold carpeted floor and I stood up, my head spinning and black feathering at the edges of my vision. I didn't care though.
My footsteps were quiet as I made my way to the kitchen, the dim lighting sending shivers down my spine; I never liked the dark. I walked past the living room, and the flashing of the TV screen caught my attention. I stopped at the doorway and peered in; Phil was lazily sprawled out on the couch with a controller in hand, lips screwed up in concentration. He shouldn't be up this late, he needs rest more than me.
"You should be asleep," I mumbled, his gaze darting at me instead of the screen and he paused his game.
"You should be too," his eyes dripped with pity; it almost made me sick.
I scoffed, "I know."
I left Phil to continue his game and toddled towards the kitchen for a cup of tea. I leaned against the counter as I waited for the kettle to heat up, picking out the flavor I wanted. I decided on mint since it was Phil's favorite, there must be something nice about it if he loves it so much.
I sniffled. I felt so alone even though my best friend was in the room over. I'd been pushing him away, I know I was, but I had no choice. I missed him, but my sour attitude didn't.
The kettle screamed that it was done and made me jump, tears already slipping from the fright.
My body shook as I turned off the stove and grabbed a mug from the cupboard above.
"Dan, something's going on," a voice wavered from behind, the words drenched in worry. I could've cried.
"No, I'm fine," I glanced at Phil and poured the hot water over the packet of herbs, the sweet smell of mint and honey filled my senses.
"If you need anything, please talk to me Dan," a soft sigh escaped his lips as I sipped my piping tea, "Goodnight."
My tongue and throat stung but it felt good, it distracted me from all my stupid troubles and problems. I quickly downed the tea, my insides burning from the hot water and my mouth was steaming.
I stood there in the silence for a moment. The sound of the mug smashing against the wall pierced the previous silence, a whimper escaped my lips as my eyes were laced with hot tears, my hand dripped with warm, scarlet liquid.
I was slowly breaking.

A/N
goddamn i'm so into this rn