Lapis and Peridot

[Peridot's POV]

Lazuli's words rang in my head as I stared at her. "Am I really worth nothing?" Did she really believe that she was worth nothing? I couldn't think of anything to say. What I wanted to tell her was that no, of course she wasn't worth nothing - that she was better than any gem I'd ever met because she was so brave and she kept on trying and fighting even though her emotions were so overpowering - that I thought she was admirable - but I couldn't tell her that, I just couldn't. It wouldn't help anyone; it would just show Lapis that I was weak. If I wasn't going to say that, though... what should I say? I took the safest option and didn't say anything, just sat there and looked at Lazuli.

Water was still streaking her cheeks and gathering in her ocean-blue eyes. She wasn't looking at me, perhaps embarrassed by the force of her emotions (I know I would have been if it had been me in her position), but her words still struck me hard. Her arms were wrapped around her legs, hugging herself; her long, slender fingers were intertwined in front of her; her feet were crossed slightly. I found myself just looking at Lapis Lazuli, observing, memorizing what she looked like. On an impulse, I lifted my arm - then caught myself before I could wipe off Lazuli's tears, bringing my touch stumps up to adjust my visor instead. Lazuli's mouth trembled and her eyes turned to look into mine.

"Well?" she asked, voice shaky. I hesitated.

"No," I replied at last. "The truth is, Lazuli, that the mission is not the only thing I think about. But I focus on the mission, because if I don't, Yellow Diamond will order me to be shattered. I am not a robot - I just don't want to get in trouble. I want to live." I paused again, unsure if I should go on. "And Lazuli... you are not just another prisoner. You are not worth nothing. I shouldn't be saying this, because emotions make me weak, and showing my emotions makes me weaker - but I do not think you are a nobody, Laz- Lapis." Vaguely I wondered if I shouldn't have called her Lapis. Oh well, the harm was done. Now all that was left was to see what her response would be.

[Lapis' POV]

Silence.

I was grateful for it, too.

The silence gave me a chance to think. And I really needed that. This trip was just one emotional challenge after another and not enough time for thinking in between. But what Peridot had just said - or rather, let slip, judging by her expression - was probably the biggest surprise I had gotten all year. She didn't think I was just another prisoner? She didn't think I was a nobody? She certainly had acted as if I was... but then, I reflected, there had been a little bit of reluctance in her harsh treatment. Just the tiniest hint. And she had brought me to the control room with her, for some reason, and stopped Jasper from smashing me. So maybe it wasn't as sudden as it felt like. Regardless, it still surprised me.

It did make sense, what she said. I knew what she felt like. I had been told the same lies, once; that emotions made me weak. But that was before I learned what it was to feel, to care. Yes, caring about other gems did make me weaker in some ways. It was worth the pain and the suffering, though... maybe I could teach that to Peridot. After the mission. And only if I wasn't shattered.

"You... you called me Lapis." Those were the first words that came into my head, albeit very delayed. I mentally slapped myself for saying something so stupid, but it was too late to take back my words.

"Yes. I did." Peridot averted her eyes, her cheeks turning a slightly darker shade of green. Was she really embarrassed? Wow, this gem was totally not used to emotions. I had been like that too, though. Before I met- but this wasn't the time to think about that. I had to focus on what was going on. No thinking; just talking. Trying to understand this green gem named Peridot.

"So... You're finally learning?" Augh, stupid, stupid, I berated myself, I shouldn't have said that!

"Learning? Learning what?" Peridot had apparently given up on keeping a neutral expression. Her blush had faded and was replaced by confusion, but she still wouldn't look at me.

"Learning to care."

"What? No! Well- I don't know." Peridot's honesty was startling. I was her prisoner - I was in her power - she had no obligation to me, no reason to tell me the truth (other than the fact that she had agreed to let me ask questions. Not personal questions, though, and the questions I was asking were most definitely personal) - and yet she was telling me what was on her mind. Well, kind of. "I mean, I'm trying not to. Yellow Diamond says it makes me weak. So I can't let the emotions overpower me."

"Peridot..." I felt a surge of pity for this gem who had never been truly happy in her life, had never felt true sorrow, had never felt anything really. "It's okay to care."

"No, no it's not!" Peridot's voice was high-pitched, scared. "It's not! I'm getting weaker, I'm giving in, and it's - it's all because of you - but somehow I don't feel sorry, I don't feel weak - why are you doing this to me, Lapis?" Her voice shook as she said my name.

"Why am I doing this?" I was taken aback for a moment, confused and affronted. She was blaming me? "I didn't do anything, Peridot! I'm not doing anything either! I'm just... I'm just being myself!"

Peridot opened her mouth to reply, then closed it. Her eyes blinked shut, then opened again. "Fine," replied Peridot. Her voice assumed a monotone, but somehow that voice hurt me more than anything else could have. "Go be yourself somewhere else. You're distracting me. I don't know how you're doing it, I don't know why you're doing it, and I have no idea why a traitor like you would distract me anyway - but you're keeping me from doing my job. So go. Go away. Stay away from Jasper, Lazuli." I winced at her return to using my formal name. "Just- don't bother me. And don't leave the ship. Not that you have anywhere to go."

I froze. Her words seemed to burrow their way into my heart and freeze there. Everything she said, I already knew - but somehow, coming from someone else, they hurt even more. I could feel my eyes fill with tears. But then the sadness was overcome by anger, and that felt better. The anger inside me grew and grew as I stood there and stared at Peridot. Peridot herself just turned away and opened her screen.

"You want me to go away?" I hissed in anger. "You want me to go away?" My voice grew dangerously soft.

"Yes," came the monotonous reply.

"Well, I'm not going." It was the best form of rebellion I could come up on with just the moment's notice. "I'm staying right here, and I'm going to keep talking and keeping you from doing your work. Maybe that way you'll learn something." Peridot ignored me. I could feel my fury grow, but I wrestled with getting it under control. Now, what was the best way to annoy someone? Oh... oh yes... I could feel a devilish smile creep onto my face. Oh yes, that was an easy way to annoy Peridot... Heh... she was going to hate this...