Family Doesn't End in Blood, But it Doesn't Start There Either

We went home and Jared went to talk to Gen alone. I went to my room and laid in bed and cried. I wasn't trying to say I didn't love them. Tom and Shep walked in.

"Why are you sad?" Tom asked.

"Because daddy is mad at me."

"Why?"

"It's complicated. Why are you guys in here?"

"Because you never met the tickle monster." They told me. They started aggressively tickling me and we were all in a fit of giggles.

"Thanks. You guys always make me laugh. I love you boys."

"Love you too." They went back out and I laid back down and couldn't get the look on Jared's face out of my head. It was a look of sadness and disappointment. Gen came in not too long after.

"You doing ok?"

"What do you think? Jared is mad and upset and disappointed in me. I don't want to be a disappointment to someone else. I already was my whole life and now it's happening again. I know he changed his mind about adopting me." I explained.

"He didn't change his mind. Don't go there. He's not mad either. He knows you can't help how you feel. He's upset, yes, but he's not disappointed in you. He's just upset that you can't see why it's a bad idea to stay with your mom. He knows he upset you with how he acted in the car and he's sorry about that. He's really taking how he made you feel to heart. He never wanted to upset you." She told me.

"Does he even want to talk to me?" I asked.

"I don't know. He sent me in to talk. I think he thinks you don't want anything to do with him anymore."

"You know that's not true though right? I don't hate him."

"I know that. It's not like you're saying you're gonna go stay with your mom, you're just worried that it's gonna make you second guess your choice. Just know that you aren't a burden to us." Gen told me.

"Thanks. Where's Jared? I'm gonna go talk to him."

"He's in our room." I nodded. I went to their room and knocked.

"Jared?" I asked softly.

"What?"

"Can we talk? Please?"

"I guess." He sat up and I saw tears in the edges of his eyes.

"Jared, I wasn't saying I'm not gonna let you adopt me. I was never saying I was definitely gonna choose my mom. I'm just saying that I'm scared it's going to make me question my choice. Why do you think I don't love you anymore?"

"Because I upset you, ok? I hurt you by just driving off and I made you go to your room and cry. I swore I would never hurt you and now I have." He explained.

"Jared, I'm not mad. It's gonna take a lot more than upsetting me to make me stop loving you. You were upset and I understand that. I'm just scared about meeting my mom again after all this time. You don't deserve to have the burden of raising me plus Tom and Shep."

"Sarah, I don't deserve a lot of things. I don't deserve the amazing friends I have, the fans, a wife and kids, a job, issues I deal with, being away from the kids and Gen for so long, a number of things. But I also choose some of that. I chose to take the role on supernatural, I chose to marry Gen, I chose to have kids with her, and I'm choosing to adopt you. You are not a burden. I'm scared that once we do this, you'll be attacked more than ever because you're a part of my family. We'll handle whatever happens. I just don't want to lose you. None of us do. You're safe here and loved and I guess I just don't understand why you would ever consider going back with her." He explained.

"I don't know, Jared. Ok? I don't know. I don't know why thoughts pop into my head I don't know why my life sucks I don't know why anything happens. I don't want to leave ok? You don't get how hard it was for me to tell you. You don't understand that I was afraid to tell you and the only reason I did was because I trust you and I thought you deserved to know. I had a panic attack this morning and it's like you don't care." I ranted out. I hit the floor in a fit of sobs. I just sat there with my head in my knees. He came over to me and put an arm around me.

"Sarah, I'm sorry." He stated, the tears evident in his voice. "Thoughts pop into everyone's head and I wasn't trying to imply it was wrong to think anything. You can feel whatever you're going to feel. I'm sorry your life still sucks even being here with us. If I can do something to make life better for you, speak up. I can tell it's hard for you to tell me about all this and I appreciate you talking. I'm glad you trust me enough to talk. I do care that you had a panic attack. I'm trying to stop you from having another right now. I care about you so much. Sarah, I'm not mad. I have never been mad. I was just upset because when you explained it the first time, it sounded like you were saying you were gonna go with your mom if her life was turned around and if her life was still bad, then you'd settle for us. I thought you wanted to be with us and now that you reexplained it, I understand. I'm sorry." I didn't reply but continued to cry. "I mean it. I'm so sorry. Please don't shut me out." I sat up.

"Jared, all I want is for this to be over and for me to be a part of this family. That's what I want. Then I'll be happy. You are the only people who have treated me like I matter and I'm terrified that something is going to screw that up. Or that I'm gonna screw that up. I'm sorry for the way I worded it the first time." I told him.

"I get that. Nothing will screw up how we feel about you. We love you. I love you and I'm excited to be your dad."

"I'm excited to be your daughter." I replied with a smile. He gave me a tight hug and we went out to join everyone else. I sent Jensen a text and told him things were ok.