Family Doesn't End in Blood, But it Doesn't Start There Either

Addressing Feelings

"Let's go to bed and talk with her in the morning."

"Go ahead. I'm gonna go have a drink first."

"Ok. Love you. Come to bed eventually ok?"

"Ok. Love you too." I heard Gen go to bed and Jared go back downstairs. I got up and went downstairs. Jared was sitting on the couch with a beer in his hand.

"Dad?"

"Are you sure you want to call me that? Wouldn't you much rather have Jensen be your dad or Misha?"

"Dad, stop."

"No. Why should I? You don't want me to be your dad so why don't you choose someone else?" He snapped. Tears fell down my face quickly.

"Stop. Please. Don't do this." I begged. I fell to my knees and let the tears go. "I didn't mean it ok? I'm just mad and upset. Just quit making me feel worse than I already do." He came over and pulled me up into a hug.

"Never ever tell me you wish you weren't my daughter. Understand me?" I nodded into his chest. "Now, let's talk." We sat on the couch. "Listen, I never once was trying to imply that I didn't want you staying with me. I keep bringing up other options for you because I see how you are when you're acting. I see how you are so passionate about it so I want to make sure you don't decide to quit when you would have liked it better. That's all I'm trying to do. I really do want you to be happy. If you being happy means staying with me when I'm filming and staying here when I'm not, then I'm all for it. I just want you to be sure about your choice. Can you tell me how I've been making you think I don't want you to be happy?"

"Just that you've been acting like anywhere other than with you is a better choice despite that being the opposite of what I want."

"I'm not trying to act that way."

"I know that now." We were quiet for a few minutes.

"Sarah, I owe you an apology."

"No you don't. Don't apologize."

"Yes I do. I screwed up. We were both in Vancouver for the better part of a year and I made no effort in seeing you. The truth is, I felt like you needed your independence as an adult and like part of why you left was to get away from me. You left a few days after I hurt you and made you run away. You got a call and I knew you were pursuing your dreams and I supported you, but I felt like you were also happy to get away from me after what I did. I decided I'd give you some independence. At first, my hours did clash with yours but schedules shifted a bit and I would have had time to spend with you but I decided if you wanted to spend time with me and asked, then I would. You never asked so I assumed you were enjoying your independence and time away from me. To hear you say you could have used me to talk to and didn't think you could hurts me so much more than you think it does. I should have told you my schedule shifted, I should have called you, heck, we don't live that far away from each other. I could have come over sometimes. I never made an effort and that's what is destroying our relationship right now. I should have talked to you more. That's why I was so upset after we met for dinner that one night. I had you back for a meal and I didn't want to lose you again. When I came over to your apartment, it was like things used to be- you and me just hanging out and joking around. You may be an adult but you are still my daughter and if acting makes you happy, do it. If you're happiest being with me, then be with me. Either way, keep in touch with me." He told me as tears fell from his eyes.

"Dad, it's not entirely your fault. It's mine too. I thought you didn't want me hanging around so much. I knew your hours had changed because Jensen texted me out of the blue and said that the hours had changed for filming and that hopefully you and Jensen would get to see me more. You didn't contact me so I assumed you were happy I wasn't hanging around so much. Because I thought that, during the times I wanted you to talk to, I didn't call because I was afraid you'd shut me out and not want to hear me go on and on about my emotions. I thought you had dealt with enough of that already. I could have made more of an effort too."

"I would have answered and talked to you all night if you needed me to. I would have come over if you needed. I never wanted you to stop hanging around. I love being with you and being here for you. Do you need to talk about any of it now?"

"I'm ok now. I was just having a hard time at work. I'm not as good of an actress as you and the cast always said I was. I have trouble remembering lines, and trouble pulling long hours, and a bunch of the cast of the little show I was working on at the time were bullying me about my work on supernatural. It was "mediocre" and I wasn't good at acting on it and I didn't show enough emotion and all sorts of other stuff. Plus one of them tried to get me in bed. He tried to drug my drink. I didn't drink it so nothing happened but I was scared. I quit the next day but I needed my dad." I explained.

"Sarah, I'm sorry you felt you had to keep that from me. I'm so sorry that happened. We both regret how things went in Vancouver so why don't we just forget about what happened and focus on what we're going to do. Are you going to act or stay with me?"

"I want to stay with you."

"Ok. That's what we're doing then." He replied. I smiled at him sleepily. "Now, why don't you go on up to bed?"

"Can I just sit here with you for a bit? I haven't seen you in forever."

"Sure. I'm finishing my beer anyways." I sat next to him and leaned into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry for what I said about wishing I wasn't on that competition. I was letting off steam. I don't mean that. I love being your daughter."

"I know. It's ok." He consoled. I sat there and soon was out like a light. I vaguely felt him get up with a slight chuckle and lay me down on the couch. He placed a blanket on me gently. He knelt down and kissed my forehead. "I still love you, Sarah. I always have and that will never change. Get some sleep, kiddo." He sat in a chair nearby and I figured he would sleep there too.

"Jared, you never came to bed." I faintly heard in the distance.

"I know. She and I were talking and she fell asleep once were done. I didn't want to move her and I sat in the chair to finish my beer and I fell asleep too." Jared whispered back. That was the end of the conversation so I fell back asleep. I woke up around 10:30.

"Hey." Gen stated.

"Hey, mom." I looked around. "Where's dad?"

"He went to the store. He'll be back soon. And I want you to know that I'm sorry about everything too. You aren't disappointing me by wanting to stop acting. If you're happy quitting then go ahead. I'll support you either way. I could have called you more too. We all could have had better communication."

"I know. Don't apologize. I was never mad at you. I'm not mad at dad anymore either." She nodded happily and gave me a hug.

"I love you sweetheart."

"I love you too, mom. Is Tyler up yet?

"No. Haven't seen him since he went to bed last night."

"Think you could get him down here? I want to talk to him too but I promised we wouldn't go in each others' rooms."

"Sure." She went upstairs and got Tyler.