Call it Fate, Call it Karma

"You can put your stuff in my room 'cos it's bigger than Albert's." I told Julian as we walked through the front door of our apartment. "I'll sleep on the couch until you settle in. I don't wanna be too in your face all the time, so crash in my bed."

"Jade, I literally slept on a soiled mattress on the floor for a while. I think I'll be fine on the couch." said Julian with a chuckle as he placed a hand on my shoulder. "The couch is a luxury!"

Albert laughed as he set down Julian's boxes. "Glad to have you back with us, Jules."

"Glad to be back." Julian said. "I don't know what the fuck I was thinking -- running away, going all psycho and shit."

There was soon a knock on the door. I knew exactly who it was, due to the sound of childish conversation outside. I jumped up and opened the door to greet Nick, Fab and Nikolai, who were holding guitars and pieces of paper.

"Oh shit!" I giggled, stepping aside to let them in. "I think I know what this means!"

Julian turned around and his eyes lit up at the sight of his other three best friends. They set their guitars down and enveloped each other into a group hug.

"The bands back together!" I cheered, running over to join in.

After an hour or two of talking everything out and mixed apologies, the guys started jamming. It was if they were never apart. Julian's singing voice was a little more raspy than it once was, but that just made his performance sound more raw and enticing for some reason. All my admiration for him was coming back and I started to remember why I fell in love with him. I couldn't stop smiling as I watched them from the kitchen, a cup of hot tea in my hands. The warmness of the cup felt like it was coursing through my whole body as I stared. Julian's smile was one of my favorite things and I thought I'd never see it again when he disappeared.

It was about 5 minutes into my hopeless staring when I realised what I was doing. I was acting like a schoolgirl with a crush, and it wasn't good. I chewed on my fingernails anxiously and quickly looked away. I thought a beer would help me to calm my thoughts. I went to grab one from the fridge and when I felt the coldness of the bottle in my hands, I felt a wave of nausea crash over me. I shouldn't. I thought to myself, but I didn't put the bottle back. I should not. I popped off the cap and brought it to my mouth. Don't do it. You can't just drink away your problems again. I took a big gulp, squeezing my eyes shut as the bitter substance poured down my throat. Who cares? I'm only having one...right?

Only thirty more minutes passed and I was on my fourth beer. Getting sober was gonna be harder than I thought.

Albert walked into the kitchen and froze when he saw three empty bottles on the counter and one in my hand.

"Albert, I--"

"I don't wanna hear it." Albert shook his head with an exasperated sigh.

"No, listen!" I stepped over to him and stood on my tiptoes to whisper in his ear. "I couldn't stop staring at Julian, man! I didn't know what to do! Albert, his smile is so lovely, and--"

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there." he said as he pulled away and snatched the half empty bottle from my hand, guzzling it down himself. "Go to bed."

I frowned at him. "What? But the guys are still here, and I need to be up to check on Julian."

"I'll be up if he needs anyone. Go to bed, alright? I don't want you getting all sick again due to a slight relapse. Just forget about anything you're feeling for him right now, it'll only bring torment to both of you."

"But..." I paused, not having any valid argument. He was right...as always. "Ugh! Fine..."

"Good," Albert kissed me on the cheek. "...I'm proud of you."

I softly smiled and started walking back out into the living room.

"Where 'ya going, Jade?" Fab asked, putting down a pen and some paper.

"I'm sleepy." I said groggily. "Goodnight, guys."

Julian put down a guitar and frowned, watching me approach my bedroom door. "Aw, really Jade? It's only nine o'clock!"

I thought about giving in and hanging out for a bit longer, but a death stare from Albert quickly reminded me that I had to go to bed before I drank anymore.

"Yeah, sorry guys." I shrugged. "I'm really tired."

"Guess we'll see you later then?" asked Nikolai.

"Yeah, yeah." I nodded, opening my door. "Night."

I drifted in and out of sleep all night. Something was keeping me up, and I didn't know if it was the urge to go grab another beer, or some strange noise coming from the living room.

I stood up, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness and I quietly tiptoed out of my room. The sight of Julian with his face buried in his hands, sat hunched over on the couch made me freeze in my tracks. I scanned the area and soon noticed a whole pack of beer that had once been in our fridge was empty on the coffee table.

Julian's breathing was rapid and shaky. He seemed to be having some sort of breakdown or a panic attack. I decided it would be a good time to step in.

"Jules?" I called out to him quietly as I approached, not wanting to startle him.

"I'm...I'm s-sorry." he spoke with a pause in between most of his words. It was obvious that he was drunk. "I couldn't...I couldn't help it. I needed a fix, but I...I couldn't let myself go out and get some."

"I'm proud that you didn't go out and shoot up." I sighed. "You're so strong, you know that?"

His voice cracked a little as he spoke. "But I g-got drunk instead. I hate myself." He finished his negative comment with another sigh and a hand pressed to his face.

Kinda knowing how he was feeling, I didn't hesitate to sit beside him and slowly wrap my arms around him, resting my head on his shoulder.

"It's okay, Jules. It's gonna be a long road to recovery, and we'll be with you every step of the way." I whispered in his ear and smiled when I felt his arms wrap around me. "I'd rather see you drunk than sticking needles in your arm."

"I love you." he mumbled into my neck, making me tense up a little.

"I...I love you too, Jules." I pulled away and stood up. "Go to sleep now."

"Okay." he passively nodded and lay down on the couch. I pulled a blanket over him and left a small kiss on his forehead, before turning around to walk off.

"Goodnight." I whispered, backing away.

"Stay with me."

A/N: the song i wanted to put with this chapter isnt available on youtube :((( (2014 by current joys). it kinda fits well so i wont bother replacing it with anything else. look it up if you like.