My Poems

I know I am the same,
In some ways at least.

But then again, I try not to be
Like them, those that fit in frame.

They smile cheerfully,
Like me of course,
And they bicker about the- strangest things.

I see the similarities in full
Yet I'd never explain myself as- them.

I always hated how they tech,
How they practically preach,
Even though there was no godly- figure

I felt their excitement and their exhilaration, 

Their pain and their tears,

All the silly little things stuffed into years.

We were, or are, a species;

Yes,

But that's never crossed my mind.

It was a simple fact, a small statement.

The feelings I held within me were more,

Almost like, to everything else, I was blind. 

Maybe I stared too hard,

Had too wide of a mind,

Thought too many things at once,

Had too big of eyes to see.

I noticed the small things,

Insignificant things that piled on

And on

And grew to be a mountain.

The grit of their teeth as they talked,

The gleaming eyes that never match the expression.

The struggle to limit movement,

They need to not see

But to ignore.

I also felt the need to act a bore,

To be small,

To be so much more than nothing at all.

I tried harder than them,

To be feeble and small.

I pushed further,

Against the lonely wall.

I dug deeper,

Into the depths of despair.

I pulled myself into depression

In order to be tiny and alone.

In order to hide away;

To be unable to hurt another.

I split my own head,

Cracked my own jaw,

Broke my own spirit,

And shattered my own dreams.

I destroyed myself with no motivation

Other than myself

And the need to preserve others happiness.

It makes me sick

And lonely

And needy.

I greed attention.

I repulse myself.

I grip the handle bars;

Locked grip,

And ride into the masses;

There, but not Human.

I give them happy,

As I rip out my soul;

I give them love,

As I puncture my heart;

I give them life,

As I make myself fall.