(Sherlock x Reader) Never trust those who are never truthful

You arrived late at night. You had made your decision. This would be the moment, you'd tell Sherlock how you feel. You put your key in the door and went up the stairs carefully, trying not to make a sound. You weren't really sure why you were being so quiet, maybe it was for Mrs Hudson, but in reality you knew it was really because as soon as you entered the flat, he would pounce on you. Your heart was pounding and you weren't at all sure if you could trust your tongue to say what you wanted at all. Your mind had been made up but it seemed that the rest of your body was not agreeing with what you had decided. You didn't know which way to turn anymore, mind or body. They weren't just together anymore, and if that's what this decision could do to you, you weren't at all sure if your choice was all that good. Because some other choices like this may come along in the future.

You creaked the door open slowly, carefully, you'd dropped off your work tools in your home away from home so you weren't in your work outfit anymore. It meant however that you needed to buy a new outfit, that's the reason why you were so late back. You were glad however that shops were open so late, the same with public toilets. Not to mention that your reluctance to see the man who claimed to have feelings for you when he had said so many times before that girlfriends were not his area, he also seemed to be part of your reluctance. Sherlock Holmes confused you, you thought he was a machine. He did things without emotion but it seemed, no wait. He did have feelings, and they were for you. If not for anything else.

Relief washed over you as you realised that, he may not actually be in. Please let that be true. Clunk. Maybe not. "_____?" Sherlock's voice rang throughout the flat and you froze. You thought for a moment, however brief, that this could wait until morning. That thought was banished from all prospect of your mind when a Sherlock Holmes, who didn't seem to be that awake, stumbled out of your room. How the hell did he get in there? You thought that there was a wardrobe in the way, that's why you were planning on not sleeping tonight. Also because you weren't sure if you would actually be able to sleep with all of the thoughts going around your head. They were like bees in a hive, bouncing around on the walls and not shutting up. Constant buzzing.

"I'm here Sherlock," you called from in the lounge, his head whipped around to see you and he smiled. His eyes still sleepy, he must have fallen asleep waiting in for you. Perhaps this wouldn't be as bad as you had imagined it to be. Perhaps his acclaimed love for you was real. I mean he even denied a new crime scene from Lestrade because he wanted to wait for you. Maybe he really did have valid feelings for you, "Can you sit down with me?" You wanted to do this formally, even if it was a casual affair.

"Uh, yeah sure," he had the duvet wrapped around him, and was hugging a pillow? Your pillow? He went and sat down in his chair, opposite you. Looking at you sleepily, his sheepish smile was still plastered across his face, this was not helping the situation. he was distracting you again from getting on with things goddamn it!

"About your question," he nodded understanding what you were on about, if not sleepily, "I don't want to be your girlfriend." you said firmly, looking him the eye. You weren't sure if you would be able to for much longer though, his face just read as pure loss and disappointment, "but," there was always a but wasn't there? That was always the cliff hanger with you, the 'but', "I would not be opposed to us going on a date and developing our relationship from there."

"I see," that seemed to have woken him up. His face also read that he was considering that proposition, and he didn't look all that against it. In fact you might say that his eyes had lit up from the idea. He may have been actually excited by something other than a case for once, but he tried to contain it. He wanted you to continue.

"I do however have one condition," this was now the difficult part, you weren't sure how he's react to this seeing as his reaction before hand was quite bad at first, "I'm not really sure if I'm that ready for a relationship, certainly a serious one, with someone I've only known for a month. Also considering where I am in my life right now, it might be difficult. And I'm plus not really sure if I can love you back, I think I lost that emotion a long time ago, but I can learn again. So if I don't make a decision immediately don't pester me, please. I'm not sure if I can handle that again." A laugh was all he gave before thinking again. At least that broke the tension a little, it helped with your butterflies.