I'm So Into You!

The chapter includes panic attacks, just a trigger warning. Oh and sensory overload. Also it might get a little naughty ;)

I woke up with a soft snore. I turn around and smile at the boy whom appears to be sleeping next to me. But then the memories of last night began flooding back in my head.

"It's because I love you."

"It's not what you think!"

"No John!"

I screamed and I pushed Alex off my bed. My chest began to quickly rise and fall quickly. Tears began to flood my vision and all I could think about was that my very own boyfriend is a murderer. "No, no, no." I heard Alex mumble. I struggled to breath I felt like I was drowning, but I was drowning in air.  My mind was screaming multiple things at once. I couldn't focus, I lost touch with all my senses. All I saw was darkness, I kept blacking out and my body was shaking and I felt weak. I felt a twinge of pain in my chest and my head. I couldn't move, I was stuck. I couldn't hear or see anything. All I could hear was the sound of my rapid heartbeat and my sobs. My tears felt hot as they ran down my face. It felt like a rapid stream of water preparing to drown anyone that dares to touch it. All the sounds in the room became so very faint and so very distant. I disconnected from the world. I could no longer hear my sobs and screams of terror and agony. All of a sudden, I became unconscious. I felt at peace, a dark cold black space. It was serene and so very comforting. It was all I could manage, something I longed for at moment. Peace.

Seconds later I became conscious and I was carried into a room with two other people. Lafayette and Hercules. I couldn't see or hear them well. But I could feel their strong positive presence. "Okay mon amour, I know this is hard for you. Just listen to my voice." Lafayette voice was soft and calming. It was compared to a soft sound like rain dripping onto a window on a quiet day or the sound of oceans crashing against the shore. It was comforting, if it was compared to a smell it would smell like a sweet candle or the smell of honeydew on a early summer morning when the sun is about to rise. Or the after smell of rain. That soft warm scent of rain. "John, you're going to miss today, but Peggy will get you your notes and I'll have the boys get you your notes." Lafayette mumble softly.

I felt his warmth against my body. He mimicked my mother in the way she would comfort me. Lafayette brushed through my hair with his delicate hands. I felt completely exhausted yet so calm and serene. "John, go to sleep. You'll be fine." I felt him kiss my forehead and he squeezed my hand. The funny thing is that Lafayette is basically my mother. I don't know what happened to her. One day she went out and she never came back. She was never the type to get up and leave forever. She would have taken me with her. She's been a mystery I can't solve and till this day, I'm still looking for her. Lafayette has kept me sane.

I had woken up to the sound of soft whispers. It was definitely Lafayette's and I think Alex's. I walked to kitchen they had. Lafayette was very wealthy compared to my family. "Good morning John. Coffee?" Alex smiled. God that smile makes me melt. "Yes coffee." I replied. I followed Alex to the coffee machine and I hugged him from behind. "Don't think I forgot." I mumbled against his neck. Then I kissed it. "Aw my son is getting older." Lafayette exclaimed hugging the both of us from behind. "Alright guys, you're squishing me into the counter." Alex said holding the mug of hot steamy coffee.

Laf and I both got off and Alex nervously handed me my mug of coffee. "Thank you love." I cooed quickly pecking Alex's cheek. "Bien merde, bien merde. J'ai besoin de ça dans ma vie." Lafayette laughed. "MOM I-I m-mean Laf." I blushed anxiously. "Mom?" Alex questions looking at the both of us. "Long story." We both blurted out. Alex nodded and I nervously drank my coffee. More like chugged it. "Thank you laf. I owe you, we'll have a date later and I'll pay." I offered holding Lafayette's delicate hands. "Free food." Lafayette shrieked. Alex and I left Laf's dorm and we went back to our own.

"You have a lot to explain." I said closing and locking the door. "I know, I know." Alex said in a frustrated tone. I shook my head and tears began to build up in my eyes. "I can't believe it, I'm dating a serial killer. Psychopaths are likely to be known not to be able to maintain a relationship. They don't feel things." I explained with teary eyes. "No, no baby please. All my relationships have been fails but with you. I get this fluttery feeling that I never felt. It's hard to explain but I really am in love with you." Alex cried out. "Is that so?" I retorted sitting on my bed. "John I'm sorry. Please I'll do anything!" Alex cried out holding my hands. "You fucking killed someone! How am I supposed to feel sorry for you." I felt the tears in my eyes fall from my face. I pulled my hand from his and I wiped my face. "Listen John. How about we take things slow." Alex purred softly pulling me close. I nodded my head agreeing with Alex, when I knew I shouldn't have. But I wanted him.

Alexander softly pressed his lips against mine. He began to slowly pull off my shirt tossing it to the ground. I copied his actions and pulled off his shirt. He began to unbuckle his belt and took off his pants and he began to unbutton my jeans. Alex had gained dominance and sat on my waist. "John are you sure?" Alex asked between soft sweet kisses. I hummed a yes in response. He tugged off his boxers then began to gently pull off mine.  "This might hurt, I'm just warning you." Alex breathed, "o-okay." I stammered feeling nervous as hell, I breathed in slowly and I felt himself enter me. At first I felt pain but now it became quite pleasurable. I moaned softly and quietly. "A-Alex." I moaned. Well it slipped out. Alexander began to tenderly kiss my neck. I felt more aroused by the second. That's when he began to nibble softly against my neck. I began to moan slightly louder but not loud enough for our neighbors to hear. "John." Alex rasped making me want him more. He stopped for a moment and I gazed into his chocolate brown eyes. I smashed my lips against his in a very needy manner. That signaled him to continue to go faster. This caused me to feel so helpless and aroused. He had released within me and stopped. But we continued kissing. He smiled within the kiss and it was the most genuine and the most gorgeous smile I had ever seen ever since I met him.

I think I'm in love with Alexander.

I feel so dirty. I had to leave it at that but I wrote a lot. Thanks to Aurora_thorvald for proofreading. Let's say we had a very interesting conversation about my writing block.