A Lesson Never Learned [?]

I paced my room and rubbed at my shoulders. I went to 'bed' three hours ago, and things were finally settling down underneath me. I carefully opened my door and poked my head out into the hallway. I saw Oliver walk up the stairs and he stopped, his eyes connecting with mine.

"Shit." I muttered, pulling away from the door and stepping back into my room. I heard Oli's feet hit the floor as he came to my room. I planted myself in my bed and drew the covers over my body, turning away from the doorway.

Oli opened the door after a short knock and sat himself on my bed. He gently placed his hand on my hair and ran his fingers through the somewhat curly mess I had going on. He carefully leaned over and planted a kiss on my forehead.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly. I felt my eyes well up in tears.

"Oliver, I don't really want to talk about anything right now." Oli was silent as he continued to rake his fingers gently through my hair. "Do you have any more green left? I want to smoke up tonight."

Oli stiffened and looked down at me, confused. "Of course I do. Why do you want some? You're the most straight edge person I know."

I swallowed hard and brushed my bangs away from my eyes and rolled onto my back so my head was resting on his leg. Oli grunted and crawled under my covers beside me and put his arm under my shoulders and I curled up, pressing my face into his pec. Oli sighed loudly and his hand rested on mine. I looked down at his hand and observed his fingers. He had gotten some more tattoos done on his skin and he was trying to talk me into getting another tattoo. He managed to talk me into getting three already.

I had one on the top of my foot. It was a hummingbird with Tom's name hidden in the feathers and his death date in it's beak. The second one was my left side which was a cherry blossom tree and the pink petals went from a reddish color, to a pink, and finally a white. The significance of that was that my mother and I used to read about cherry blossom trees when Dad and Oliver went about the town. It was just something to obsess over and distract me.

The third one was on my wrist. It was a simple date, but the significance of the date was heavy. It was the date that I planned my suicide. Of course I didn't do anything. I didn't try to kill myself like I thought I was going to. Oliver managed to talk some sense into me when he found the note while searching in my room. I was mad at him for that, but I eventually got over it.

"Lily, why do you want it?" Oliver asked, bringing me back into the present. I yawned and snuggled in closer to him.

"I just need to escape. Forget about things for a while. If you don't want me to smoke up, then that's fine. I'll just do something else."

"No, no. It's fine. Do you need a bowl too?" Oliver asked, standing up.

"No, Tom gave me his collection years ago." I said, nodding to the shelves. Oli's eyes followed mine and landed on the number of glass items.

"Do you want to escape alone?" He questioned. "Because I could join you...?"

"Nah." I sighed. "I want to be by myself. I never really have a chance to be alone very often. And I kind of just want time for me. Next time, though?" If there IS a next time, I bitterly thought to myself.

"Understood." Oliver smirked and walked away from me, walking out the door. I coughed and ran my fingers through my hair. Was I really planning on getting high? After all my years of avoiding it after smoking for two years when Tom was sill around? Should I?

Yes. I needed this confidence if I was going to sneak out to see Austin alone.

I searched quickly around my room, finding the discarded weapons that Oliver tried to convince me to carry. He gave me a number of knives. He also gave me two guns. One of them was a silver pistol styled gun with numerous rounds of ammunition. The other gun he gave me was a black hand gun. That one, I was less fond of. I decided on leaving the guns home and taking a couple of knives. I knew where I could hide them.