When I just moved away. (Jeff x reader)

That night I felt like I didn't want to sleep. It's strange, I like to sleep even thought I have nightmares or even thought I wake up every two seconds.

I don't know why I felt like that. I didn't really feel nervous for what happened, my bad thoughts never scared me that much to make me not want to sleep. So there wasn't a specific reason.

And that worried me more than anything.

"Still awake, I see." I suddenly heard someone from the window and like always, the emo entered the room.

This time I was still dressed up. I kinda knew he would show up.

Oh maybe... Maybe that's why I didn't want to sleep. Even if... Dying in my sleep is still my favourite way to go.

I still remained on my bed, looking at the ceiling. "Yeah..." I said sighing. "You don't seem agitated about what happened today..." Said Jeff circling the bed, examining me with attention.

He was playing with his knife and he moved slowly. I sat up looking at him and messing my hair for the frustration. I don't know myself why I don't even feel guilty, I always feel like that even when I did nothing wrong but still... Nothing.

I didn't even know how to express myself, how should I talk about my feelings without stuttering, without getting more frustrated, without getting fucking angry.

And to a stranger no less.

Jeff got out an angry grunt and he decided to sit on the edge of the bed with his back toward me.

"You were so noisy and you never stopped talking. You were always smiling too. Where did your old self go!?" He asked angry to himself.

The possibilities are two:
1. He fucking got the wrong person;
2. He was talking about the five year old me.

That time I was still an innocent child, I didn't feel depressed, stupid, pathetic, filthy, sick, hurt. I didn't hate people, I didn't even know how it felt to want to murder yourself.

I always asked myself how would I be when I grew up. I didn't have high expectations but at the same time, I didn't think I would fall so down.
The sad part is that it's other people's fault.

Oh no, no. Of course it's not their fault, it's only mine. It's because I'm stupid, I trust too much people, I'm worthless, I can't do anything alone. Gosh, to think that I was going to blame others.

Jeff snapped his fingers just before my eyes and I jumped a little. I didn't even notice him moving. "I wonder what are you now..." He asked himself cupping gently my cheek with his icy hand. This time I didn't care if a man was touching me. I didn't really mind Jeff. He was violent and a lunatic but at least he was honest. Something that no one had anymore, even me.

So there wasn't a second meaning. He was touching my cheek because he wanted to. He hurt me because he simply wanted to hear my cries.

He didn't help me to gain something from me, he just did it so he could torture me again.

I touched his hand wondering how would his skin feel to the touch. He obviously reacted too much, yanking his hand away like I was some kind of monster.

It hurted faintly but I was used to that... Not that I had many chances to be this near to a person. And when I did...

...

Anyway, Jeff remained still for some seconds, processing what was happening. This time he was the one to take my hand and he just stared at them. He just looked like a child... A very murderous child.