For Forever (Evan X Connor)

A/N- I never write Authors notes, so this feels very foreign to me. I want to keep it brief because as a reader myself, I skip A/N's a lot so yeah.

I'm trying to write as much as possible while I can now. All colleges in Ontario Canada have been on strike for almost 4 whole weeks which is insane. I'm in a musical theatre program, so it's hard to go without all that for a whole month. When school comes back I'll try to write what I can but we will be getting a lot of assignments to make up for things that we have missed so I'm sorry in advance.

2nd thing I wanted to say was to feel free to message me at any time. I know that sometimes it's just nice to talk to someone new about something that you're both passionate about. Clearly, if you're reading this, you like Dear Evan Hansen, and I do too, so feel free to message me. Everyone needs friends and I like to talk so ya!

That felt super awkward to me. I hate Authors notes and it will never happen again! Enjoy the rest of the chapter.

~Connors P.O.V~

Why can't I figure out how to bring it up. It has been 2 weeks since he told me that he stopped taking his pills. Why can't I just grow some balls, and talk about the serious issues here? Every time I go to bring it up, I get scared I'll make him have another panic attack, which is the opposite of what I want to do. 

I want to talk to Dr. Sherman about it too, but because Evan and I go to the same therapist, it's impossible because he knows I'll be talking about Evan. I actually feel like he is helping me, but I'm scared it was the wrong decision because now I can't talk about things like this to him.

This has been eating away at me for quite some time now, and I don't know how much longer I can take it before I just explode and say it. 

Evan and I walk back to my house together. We are planning on watching movies together all night. It's become a bi-weekly tradition at my house since the first time he came over. It was his turn to chose the movies. 

I feel my hand get squeezed gently. I look down at the cute blonde hair boy walking next to me. "Connor, um... We are here." I hear him say faintly. I look up and see that we are already at my house. I must have dazed off in my thoughts. 

I let us into the house and Evan goes straight to the basement to get the movies ready.  I start to pop some popcorn and grab glasses and the pop. I get down the stairs and see Evan curled up in my big spiderman blanket. 

"Join me! Bring forth your warmth!" Evan laughed out as he patted the seat next to him on the couch. He hits play on the movie, and when I look up, I'm shocked to see something either than the Lorax. Instead, we are watching "Guys and Dolls", a musical. I shrug and decide to give it a shot. 

We spend the whole movie cuddled, and despite the fact the music was really good, I couldn't stay focused because I needed to talk to Evan. 

"Can we talk." I blurt out as soon as the credits start rolling up. He looks panicked a bit and presses stop on the movie. "Don't worry we aren't breaking up, I promise." I could see him start to relax. It makes me a little sad that he would even think that I would want to break up with him. 

I turn so I am facing him, and we both sit cross-legged on the couch. "You're not taking your medication anymore, right? Or did you start to take them again?" I guess my brain chose the straightforward approach, smooth. 

"No... I.... No, I'm not taking them... why? I'm doing a lot better." Evan said matter of factly. Almost like he was trying to convince himself that he was doing better. 

"Evan, I love you, but you've got to really think about this. I know that you've told me that you hate taking medication because it makes you feel like you're something broken that needs to be fixed, but please hear me out. I'm really really glad that I'm helping you feel better. I just don't know if I can handle all the responsibility for your happiness on my shoulders, you know? It's like if you have a sore throat, sure, drink some tea with honey, but it's only a temporary solution to the bigger problem. You have a chemical imbalance in your brain, so do I. You're taking your medication so that it can help balance that out, just like how cough medicine takes away gross phlegm and stuff... I'm awful at speeches, but this has been bothering since you told me, and I really needed to get it off my chest. I'm really sorry if you get offended by any of this. But I just needed to say it. So... Ya."