That One Dreaded Word

It's been two weeks. Two weeks of full on therapy, with only two days off each week. I should be thankful for those days, but he should have more. His small body looks so fragile. Too fragile for all these needles and radiation. He just needs to get better, but a lot of ignorant women have been telling Kyle during his days off, horror stories about their loved ones being too weak for both treatments, and dying early because of it. And I could almost hear his small heart shatter. All of the hope he had in him was gone, just like that.

He's currently collapsed on my bed, he's completely exhausted after chemo. His mum's being going out recently, claiming it's for work. But it think even Gerald knows what she's really doing. He just can't cope, and asked to stay at mine for the weekend. I, of course agreed; wanting to spend his treatment-free days with him.

"Stan.." He whispered, reaching out for my hand, his other lying on his forehead.

"Yeah?" I asked quietly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

"I love you." I smiled, even though it was barely a whisper; I loved when those words came out of his mouth, and I loved to reply to him. He used to blush when I did so, back in middle school, and he would smile and blush in the most adorable way possible.

"I love you too." I smiled, stroking his pale hand gently, then pulled him slowly up, so we were face to face.

"Is something wrong?" His eyes shone like emeralds, as the light from the distant sunset, bounced off them. I smiled, and shook my head.

"No, not at all. Just thinking about how adorable you are." His freckly cheeks went pink, and he smiled slightly. He finds compliments hard, which makes him even more lovable.

"Wh-Why am I adorable?" He looked away slightly, his low self esteem kicking in. I felt myself sigh slightly, taking in all his features.

"Your cheeks are covered in freckles, your eyes are like looking into a forest of adventure, and don't even get me started on your hair.." I ran my hand through his red curls lovingly.

What should've happened, was Kyle leaning into my touch, and closing his eyes. Then we'd embrace, and he'd slowly fall asleep. To which I would lay him down, and kiss his temple.

But that didn't happen, because that one dreaded word loves to cause the opposite of that. Insecurity, panic and loss. He suddenly jerked back, and I pulled away my hand, so quickly that I didn't see it happen. A large clump of his hair was lying on the floor. I just stared at it for a second, not even panicking. I was just, shocked. Kyle, on the other hand, started panicking, and I honestly don't blame him. But when he reached up, to clutch at his hair, like he usually did. I pulled his hands away. More would fall out, and he would just panic even more. I traced the bald spot of the side of his head, already missing the hair that used to be there. He lowered his head.

"I don't know what to do.." He teared up, clutching onto my hands. I held them back, as a form of comfort.

"I know. It'll be okay." I whispered, trying to keep my calm.

"I'm just gonna..." He trailed off, but sounded like he was about to finish his sentence. Oh god, I hope he wasn't wanting to leave. If he left, I don't even know what he would do. I just know that it wouldn't be good. Whether he pulled his hair out, and hurt himself. I couldn't bear to think of him hurting himself, especially when I wasn't there.

"...go for a shower." His bottom lip quivered. I nodded, helping him get up, and watching him leave. I sighed, and sat back down on my bed. I twiddled my thumbs when I heard the shower turn on. I'm not going to lie, I worry about him. A lot. Who knows what he could be doing in there? He could be cutting himself for all I know. I lay back, trying to steer my mind away from those dark thoughts, as I closed my eyes.

I heard the shower turn off, and I walked to the bathroom, in case he needed help. But the door opened, as soon as I reached it, and Kyle walked out with a towel around his waist. All of his hair was gone, even his eyebrows and eyelashes were missing.

"Kyle.." I whispered, reaching to caress his cheek, but he held my hand lightly, then let go, and walked into my room to get dressed. Suspicion filled my mind, as I walked into the bathroom. My eyes darting about, looking for a bloody razor or something. But I didn't, I just found all of his hair in the bin. I sighed, and ran a hand through my own. I wandered back into my own room, and saw Kyle in his boxers, looking for a pair of skinny jeans. I embraced him tightly from behind. He exhaled deeply, and held onto my arms.

"I'm sorry.." He whispered, closing his eyes.

"You don't need to be Kyle. None of this is your fault, and I'm never going to get angry at you, especially because of anything like this." I kissed the back of his head.

"I love you so much." He teared up, turning around, and hugging me tightly.

"I love you with all my heart Kyle." I smiled, laying my lips on his temple, and leaving them there, and closing my eyes as well. I felt him smile slightly against my chest, causing my lips to smile gently on his skin. We stayed in each other's embrace for several minutes, but it felt longer; like several hours. I thought about how much I loved him, and that he would get through this. Even if we have to travel to the ends of the earth, I would not hesitate if it was to save him.