For Forever (Evan X Connor)

Chapter 14

"What about me?" Connor came leaping down the stairs and kissed the top of my head. "Just how great and handsome, and amazing you are!! xoxo" Jared mocked and made kissing sounds. I could feel my whole face become beat red as I hid it in Connors' chest. I mumbled "It's true but why does he have to make it sound so embarrassing" 

"Come on, let's go! We've got lots to do today!" Zoe said and raced towards the car. "EVAN ALREADY HAS SHOTGUN!" Connor shouted at her, and her entire body language changed as she started to walk to the car instead of run. 

The school we decided to visit is Kent University (listen, I think DEH is set in Ohio. All my family members have different opinions. I say Ohio. Pls comment ur vote on a state/ province you believe they're from). It was a good fit for both Connor and me to go and look at. It had a great arts program, and they offered a lot of different programs that I was interested in, so hopefully, they'll help me clear up what it is I want to do. 

Doctor Sherman and I have been really working hard on narrowing down what it is I'd like to do, and I think that it is going well for me! I just need to see some of them 1st hand to see if I can handle them all. 

We were having a fun time all jamming to a playlist Zoe had made of early 2000s music when we finally pulled up to the University. "There it be!" Connor laughed as he found a spot. I didn't realize how anxious I was about this until we actually got here, and I could feel myself shaking trying to unbuckle. "Everything okay?" Connor asked with concern filling his eyes. I swallowed deep and nodded. "I'll be fine." I gave him a small smile and we walked towards the front doors. 

Today was the open house, so a lot of the programs had different booths set up outside and throughout the hallways. We registered at the front so that we could try to win prizes throughout the day. Connor and I walked straight to the fine arts and visual arts tables. Zoe went to the music composition station, and Jared went to find the computer science. I clung onto Connor as if my life depended on it. 

"Babe, are you sure you're alright?" I nodded again. "Don't worry about me! I'm fine. I'm just... nervous?" I said more like a question, but the thought of college makes me want to vomit a little bit.

"Hi! Welcome to the fine arts table! Which one of you boys is interested in our program?" A really cheerful girl behind the table asked. Connor stepped forwards a bit and started talking to her about it. He looked so happy talking about art with someone that actually knew what he was talking about. 

My eyes started wondering when I saw a huge sign with a tree. There wasn't a lot of people at that booth so I started nudging Connor. "Hey, babe, I'm going to visit that booth. I'll be back." He nodded but continued his conversation about the program. 

I walked over slowly to the booth that was labeled Environmental and Conservation Biology. This seemed right up my alley.

"Hi!" A boy about a year or 2 older than me said really loudly. I got scared other people would look over and it would draw attention to us. I didn't realize how tightly I was holding onto my bad until I let go to grab a panphlet. 

"So you're invested in the environment?" The boy said leaning towards me. I nodded "I was a junior park ranger this summer, I guess I'm sort of a tree expert now." The boy seemed impressed.

"Well this program is serious business, but if you're serious about it then I say it's worth a shot. It's a 3 year program, and it's 100% worth the time and money to make the world a better place." The other boy at the table said a bit quieter. He seemed so shy and I felt really comfortable here.

"What made you guys so interested in the environment?" I asked hesitantly. I played with the flap on my bag and looked over to see Connor look like he was finishing his conversation.

"Me and my family go camping all the time and it just disgusts me how people treat the earth as if it doesn't literally provide us life." The first boy said. He looked like he was getting heated. I liked seeing other people so passionate about this kind of thing.

"Ya my mom and I used to go on nature walks every Sunday. We would bring trash bags and collect garbage we found in one bag, and she would collect new things for our scrap book in another. It's my most valued possession. I don't know what I would do with out it." The boy said, tearing up a bit.

"Hey babe! This seems like your kind of thing!" Connor said and laced his fingers through mine, instantly relaxing me. "Yeah I like this one a lot." I whispered and leaned closer to him.

"Here! Take a pamphlet! We hope to see you next year!" I nodded and we walked to my next booth. Musical Theatre.

"Connor.. I've been thinking... I don't think this one is for me." He stops and turns to me before we reach the booth. "What do you mean? You're an amazing singer! You love it!" I nodded at both things that he said.

"I just don't have the courage to do it. I respect them all so much for doing it. It's just not the career choice for me." It felt like a huge weight off my shoulders. I knocked off one more option.

" So to the creative writing booth then?" Connor asked me sweetly. I really appreciated how he didn't force me to go to the booth even though I decided I didn't want to do it. I always just silently appreciate everything that he does for me. "You're the best" I say quietly and kiss his hand.

"Here we are!" He says like Daniel cook and it never fails to make me laugh, which is why he does it so often I think.

"Creative writing? Is this where you wanted to be?" A really proper looking boy asked , looking up from his book. Here, take our info sheet, it's cute. It has writing prompts on the back. To get into this program though, you need to develop a portfolio. Include any short stories, favourite essays, children's books, really anything you've enjoyed that you've wrote. Shove it in there." I blinked a few times. I didn't realize it was so intense.

"Ok... Thanks." I said quietly and speed walked to the nearest bench and started drinking some of the water I packed.

"Evan something isn't okay. Can we go outside to the car to talk. Maybe get you some of the food we put in there?" I nodded and really focused on my breathing. I thought today would be a good day...

We sat in the front seat of the car, and I munched on a bear paw that Connor had grabbed for me. "Will you please explain some of what's going on? Maybe I can help?" He said so hopeful. He gets like this so often. It really boosts him up to see how he can cheer me up.

"Connor would you think I'm crazy if I told you I didn't want to go to school this year?" He looked at me a little puzzled. "What do you mean?"

I took a deep breath. "I mean that it's a lot of financial stress on my mom and I. My dad isn't helping at all. I could wait a year  before applying,and I can work. Plus I don't want to invest my time and money into a program that I'm not 100% sure about. I can't do that to my mom or myself. I don't want to disappoint anyone by not going right away. I don't want you to think I'm not trying. I don't want my mom to think I'm just too scared to commit to it. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. " Connor nods slowly and then hugs me.

That's a really smart choice, Evan. I'm really proud of you. And this also means that no matter where I get in, we don't have to worry about being in different schools! You can think about maybe living together a bit longer but I think it would be so great for us." I kissed him really hard and he kind of was taken aback.

"I would love to live with you Connor. Now let's go find our friends and go to the next uni!" I said as we lazily walked towards the school hand in hand.

For the first time today,I felt at ease.