Sweet Deceit - Logicality

It's not all bad, Patton tells himself. It's not his fault he gets mad sometimes, everybody has a temper. Besides, it's my fault for doing the wrong thing. He tells me what not to do, what makes him upset, and I do it anyway. He's not usually like that. Just every now and then.

Patton avoided looking around his room, keeping his eyes locked on where his legs were criss-crossed in front of him, his bed sheets wrinkled beneath his feet. Leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, he just barely felt the pillow against his lower back. He didn't like looking at his room when it got like this. The walls and ceiling cracked, water dripping from them like a pipe had burst behind them, the lighting tinted dark blue, a stagnant coldness hanging in the usually warm air. His posters and pictures had fallen from the walls, leaving them barren. The mirror hanging on his closet door was turned backwards so he couldn't see himself. The bright paint and curtains had faded into much more muted colors than the bright whites and blues he'd had before, like all of the color but the basic hue had been sucked out and replaced with grey. He hated when his room got like this. He hated how it reminded him of what his chest felt like.

He still compliments me, Patton told himself, watching his hands as he wrung them, his fingers rubbing against his palms, squeezing at his bones. He smiles at my pictures, laughs at my jokes, tells me how much he needs me, how much he loves me, he hugs me and kisses me, and keeps me safe...

Patton almost didn't hear his phone yip at him. His ringtone of a puppy yipping usually made him smile. Seeing Logan's name as the one who'd texted him, though, he couldn't find it in him to smile.

Patton, he remembered Logan calling through his door, please, I'm worried about you. Please listen to me, he's lying to you. Patton, please! You're scaring me! 

The desperation cracking his voice was so uncharacteristic of Logan. He was usually so steady, a mountain in a storm watching the rest of them get blown around, screaming in panic. He was the one that they clung to when they needed something concrete, something unwavering. Patton couldn't count the number of times Logan had been there to reason with Virgil to assure him that his dark imaginings couldn't possibly happen, to coax Roman into setting more realistic goals for himself so he didn't get disappointed when they didn't come to fruition, to balance out Patton's wild emotional outbursts with a healthy dose of reality. He was the one that kept the rest of them grounded, the realist that prevented the rest of them from flying too close to the sun.

Without him, Patton could feel himself burning up, his wings melting.

Maybe it was this instinct, this need for balance that made him reach for the phone, opening the text.

Patton, will you please respond? 

Hey, Logan 

The text was sent before Patton had a minute to think. His heart pounded in his chest. If Deceit found out he'd been texting Logan...

Thank god you're answering! Patton, I need you to talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking, feeling, whatever. Please, let me help, I'm so worried I can't think. 

Patton swallowed against a pang of pain in his stomach causing bile to rise in his throat.

I'm okay, Logan, I promise.

Falsehood.

I swear, I'm okay.

Then why is your door cracked? Why wouldn't you come out when we were begging you to?

Deceit doesn't like it when I'm with you guys. It only makes me sad.

Is that the reason? Because Deceit doesn't want you to be with us? Patton, he's not your master, he can't tell you what and what not to do.

I mean... 

Patton, why do you listen to him? You know that he does nothing but lie. It's his entire reason for existence.

Well, he can be intimidating.

Patton covered his mouth with one of his hands, muffling his labored, shaking breathing.

...Patton what has he done to make you afraid of him? Because let's be honest, that whole bowler hat and cape Jekyll and Hyde aesthetic of his isn't exactly intimidating.

I mean...

Patton just tell me that he didn't hit you. Tell me that he hasn't harmed you. Patton waited too long to send a response. I'm going to kill that slimy son of a-

Logan, it's okay. Everybody has a temper.

Nothing excuses abuse, Patton.

Please, just don't get involved. I'm sure that I can get him to work through this, I can convince him to stop.

And what makes you so sure of that? Is that your real opinion, or are you just too scared to cut him off because you don't know what he will do?

Again, Patton waited a little too long before answering.

I'm not like you, Lo. You're too proud to stick out something that's... less than ideal. 

You deserve so much better.

There's no one out there who could love me better.

Don't say that. Don't you dare say that, because I know for a fact that that's not true. 

Fine, then give me one example, since you're so smart.

"Patton." Patton closed out the texts, pulling up his Facebook in its place as Deceit popped up next to his bed. "Who were you texting?"

"No one," Patton answered as nonchalantly as possible.

"I saw your thumbs typing."

"I was commenting on a video of this cat, it was adorable. It was one of those ones where it's about to pounce and it does the butt wiggles, it was precious."

"Awe, let me see." Deceit's voice was too cheerful. He didn't believe him.

"Would if I could, bud, but I just refreshed the feed, so it's lost to new posts."

"Well," Deceit climbed on the bed, putting his arm securely around Patton, "show me if it does pop up again."

"Okie dokie, kiddo," Patton faked a giggle, scrolling through his feed, trying to ignore the burning in his throat, the feeling that he'd just been hit in the gut with a baseball bat, the digging of Deceit's fingers into his arm. Most of all, he bit his tongue against the thorns in his chest, trying to not see the response he'd had to swipe away before Deceit could see it every time he closed his eyes. 

"Patton," Deceit purred into his ear, "you remember our little deal, right?" 

"Of course, De," Patton tried to sound as happy as possible despite the growing lump in his throat.

"You stay away from the others, and I make you happy." Patton could feel Deceit's breath against his ear. He tried not to tense up too much. "You know better than to talk to the others."

"Yeah." He's not your master. Patton shivered.

"So you weren't just talking to one of them?"

"Of course not." Deceit's grip tightened, the firm discomfort morphing into pain.

"I'm Deceit, Patton. I know a lie when I hear it."

"Why would I lie to you?" Patton just about choked on his fear, refusing to make eye contact with Deceit. The dark side forced it, though, grabbing Patton's face and pulling it harshly to look him in the eyes.

"You talk to Logan again, and I won't just remind you who you belong to. I'll show him." His fingers released Patton's face, turning back to the phone to watch the Facebook feed. Patton couldn't calm his trembling insides. He couldn't go to anyone for help now. He couldn't get any of the others hurt. He bit the inside of his cheek as he continued to scroll has though nothing had happened, choking back tears as the single word he'd seen Logan send him stung at his heart over and over again, a wasp begging for attention and willing to kill him to get it.

Me.