everyday || jin longguo

"if only i can turn time back to when we were in love. if only i could see you again. i'm praying every day so i can go back. though i know i can't. like this, i, everyday, like a fool. everyday, till i lose my voice. everyday, i call out to you. everyday, i wait for you"

i'm nothing without you. i'm nothing they say i am. i'm nothing everyone sees me as. only you know the true me and only you know everything about me. them? they just like me for my looks and voice. you? you loved me for every single thing. today i went on a hike, the hike we went on for our 5th date. it made me sad because that time was when we shared our first kiss together.

i got to the top and sat down on the very same bench we sat on. i turned my head and i saw your silicon sitting right beside me with tears in your eyes telling me not to go.

years built up in my eyes as i smiled and recalled all of our memories together. the bitter ones and then the sweet ones. you were always as sweet as candy but as bitter as black coffee.

i yelled. yes, i yelled for so long and so hard i lost my voice. i called your number a few times and i even left a voicemail or two. but before you could answer i cowardly hang up and try again.

is this love? is this what love feels like? everyone makes it seem so great but i'm here and you're there and we're desperately missing one another- at least i am.