Healing Heart

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My eyes fluttered open slowly to the light shining inside my room through my windows. The tiniest amount of light of course, since Detroit doesn't get enough sunlight during these times.

The incense of my room filled my nose as I inhaled slowly, staring blankly at the ceiling. I reached around next to me and grabbed my decorative pillow from my bed, holding it in my arms against my chest.

Connor had tucked me into bed after the cops raided my place and taking away Sid. It was a blue bloodbath, when Sid ripped through Connor.

My mind wondered off to the limping body that I held. Not just any body... but it was Sid's body.

I can't believe he was here... I can't believe I saw him after months of mourning our marriage... I can't believe that happened last night...

I squeezed the pillow tighter against me.

Sid... are you addicted to red ice now?

I thought about the red powder under his fingernails, the violent scratchings on himself. The dilated pupils that almost swallowed all of his dark sapphire iris. His once beautiful, plump lips were chapped, spilling a stench of a familiar scent I smell often in drug related investigations. His pale skin were peeling, maybe from the substance, maybe from Detroit's weather.

What happened to you, Sid?

I closed my eyes, drowning myself in thoughts.

Was he really here just for money? He wasn't here for me...

I opened my eyes back up and stared at the white ceiling, using it as my canvas as I imagined him. Imagining another life with him, where he'd show up with a bouquet of red roses at my door and ask for forgiveness. Where we put our past aside, and grow old together.

Would I want that? Would I have restarted a life with Sid?

I turned my head to the side at my nightstand and gazed at the roses that Connor had surprised me with before.

What about Connor?

I gulped, realizing these thoughts were unusual thoughts of mine.

Could I have left Connor forever for Sid?

... but what is Connor to me?

I shook my head vigorously to shake these thoughts off my mind and stood up off my bed. A shower was going to ease my thoughts and relax me. But then again, there was shower thoughts.

I walked out of the room and opened the door to the bathroom. I grabbed my toothbrush, paste, and stripped off my nightgown to hop in the shower.

Connor was never a concern of mine... but now he's been hindering my thoughts and even the things I do.

Even when his arms are wrapped around me or when his lips are locked with mine... they get to me. They slowly make the same affect Sid used to.

Connor... feels so good to touch.

Shit.

I scrubbed my scalp aggressively, hopeless in my thoughts.

Is Connor more than just an android to me?

I washed the bubbles on my head, they ran along my back with the water.

No way... that's impossible.

After the shower, I patted my body dry and put my damp hair up in a bun. I changed into a tank top that hugged my body tightly and shorts made of spandex.

I made my way out of my room, walking into the living room.

"Good morning, (Y/N)."

My shoulders flinched from the unexpected greeting from the uninvited guest. I turned my body towards the guest.

It was Connor, sitting on my couch... shirtless.

"Wha-what are you d-doing here?" I stuttered, my cheeks flushed pink from the sight.

"I couldn't go back to CyberLife after last night, so I stayed here after I took you to bed. I hope you don't mind," he stood up and walked over to me. "I also used your bathroom to clean up the thirium on my body. Don't worry, I cleaned up the floors as well."

I just nodded, processing whatever he said extremely slow. I was distracted by his muscular chest. He doesn't exactly have a six pack, but the shape of abs were there. I just gaped idiotically at his body.

Goddamn, did CyberLife design him to catch Deviants or to drop panties?

I shook my head, and looked back into his eyes instead.

What the hell am I thinking?

"Is everything all right?" Connor tilted his head innocently, as if he pretended to think he's not attractive whatsoever.

Wait, he's not attractive.

"Where's your clothes?"

"Oh," he ran his hands along his bare skin. My teeth sank into my lips as I watched his fingers glide against his chest. "The clothes I had on were damaged. The buttons on the shirt popped off, and they were soaked in thirium."

I nodded, and replied nonchalantly, "oh, okay..." I continued to stare and study every crevasse, every muscle.

Wait, what am I doing?

I tilted my chin high, trying to get his chest out of my view. "Uh, so, why can't you go back?" I focused, still stumbling on my words.

"I... I haven't told you this yet, but the last Connor has been destroyed..." he trailed off. He hesitated before continuing, "because he's become a deviant."

I widened my eyes, my mouth dropped open.

Is it because of me?

"I do stay at CyberLife every night after we part ways. But... if I were to go back to CyberLife, they'll destroy me too..." he clenched his teeth. "I couldn't go back. They may discontinue the Connor models if they see I've been corrupted as well."

"Wait," I shushed him with my fingers.

He can't go back because of me...?

"Is... is this my fault?"

He stepped in closer, tucking the strands of my hair behind my ears. He smiled softly, "you... you helped me feel happiness. I don't regret a thing."

I peered into his gentle gaze, and rested my head against his bare chest. I closed my eyes and listened to the heart that kept him activated pump. He snaked his arms around my shoulders, pulling me in as close as possible.

"Connor..." I whispered. "I'm sorry."

He stroked my hair, and whispered back softly, "that's alright."

This could be the last Connor.

I raised my hands to touch his bare back, cautiously digging my fingers into him.

Connor could die... because of me.

... Connor has died... because of me...