Crave

Jimin

I put it off as long as I can but unfortunately hyung just won't let me stay home. I drag my feet all the way across the hall and feel awkward and just horrible the moment I see him. Yoongi. Not my prince. I was stupid and childish. I hate him. I hate myself.
I gave him everything and he stomped on my heart so coldly. I know I asked for it. I know I threw myself at him and therefore deserve it but it still hurts just the same. Jungkook is right, though. I deserve better and should really find someone my own age that can actually like me and want to stay.
I kinda regret losing my virginity now. Just a little. It was nice for a little while but ultimately wasn't worth the heartbreak. I look at my hyung glumy. It isn't his fault. He doesn't know. I never want him to. He'd be disappointed in me.
He's always tried to teach us to be weary of strangers and to protect ourselves. What I did was stupid and the exact opposite of what he's tried to teach me. I'm such an idiot.
I sit down on the couch beside Jungkook and Hoseok, refusing to look in the kitchen where Jin, Namjoon, an Yoongi are. I have to stop torturing myself. I need to just forget about it and move on. Take my mistakes in stride and move on. Learn from them. Note to self-never sleep with a guy you just met the same day...no matter how perfect and prince like they look...
I can feel Jungkook eyeing me in concern but he says nothing and I'm glad. I really don't want to bring attention to myself. He does reach down and grab my hand, though. I squeeze back and pay attention to the tv. Distracting myself.

I honestly can't say what I even ate. I know it was decent enough but I couldn't focus on anything. Just the fact that Yoongi didn't look my way once. Didn't talk to me. Acted like I wasn't even there. And I'm the only one that seemed to notice.
I excused myself early and hyung, thankfully, let me go. I didn't go back to the apartment, though. Instead, I ran up to my sanctuary. The roof. I found the door to the roof a year ago. I was being bullied in school and just needed some space and a place to think.
I loved the view and fresh air. It always made me feel better. I've never told anyone about it. Not even Jungkook. Shocking, I know. Sometimes I just need a big space when little space doesn't do it for me. It just can't solve everything as much as I wish it could.
I wish I could be like Jin hyung. He can literally forget all his worries. They just all erase when he enters little space. I crave that freedom. I crave that level of being able to let go and give myself to someone else so completely. I tried it, with Yoongi. Now I just feel empty.
I realize deep down that princes don't exist, not like those awesome Disney characters. No, real princes are just real people in stressful positions. Fairytales don't exist in the real world.
A cold breeze has me wrapping my arms around myself and I shiver. I allow myself one more look at the beautiful and vast landscape around me before turning back to the door-only to pause, frowning.
Yoongi leans against the door in the shadows, smoking a cigarette and watching me in silence. He puts it out when I approach.
Of course, I don't speak to him. Just keep moving and ignoring him as he did to me. It's the least I can do. Unfortunately, he grabs my wrist, stopping me. "Hey, I'm sorry about earlier. I was a little in my head." He sighs.
I shake myself free, steeling myself. Be strong, Minie! "Whatever. You don't have to explain yourself to me." I mumble, opening the door and stepping into the dimly lit stairwell leading back down to our apartments two floors down.
He follows closely behind. His breath practically on my neck. "I think I do. I'm sorry I didn't talk to you. I was thinking about work."
I roll my eyes. "I don't care, Yoongi. You don't owe me anything." I turn to look him in the eye. "So we slept together. It's over now. We're just neighbors, right? We can just go on like the strangers and acquaintances that we really are."
He frowns, eyeing me. "Why are you acting like this?"
I laugh. "Isn't this what you want from me? Distance? It was just a one night stand. I knew that. You made sure I understood that, remember? You are the one that came into my room the other night. You are also the one that solidified our status when you ditched me for someone else. I got the hint, okay?" I somehow manage to keep my voice calm and strong. I'm proud of myself. Don't cave, don't cave...
His frown turns into a glare. He crowds me against the wall, one palm slapping on the cool brick beside my head. "Stop."
I can't. "Why? It's the truth, right? Why are you acting like this, huh?" I shove his chest but he doesn't budge. The urge to cry comes back but I force it away. I don't want to cry in front of him. He doesn't deserve it. Not guys like him. "I'm just keeping things casual. Why are you even here? I'm not bothering you. I'm trying to give you space but you keep following me." I point out.
He stares deeply into my eyes, searching. I have no idea what he sees but before I know it, my eyes are closed and I feel his lips pressing against mine. A single tear slips down my cheek as he cradles my face in his palms and deepens the kiss, his tongue slipping between my lips.
My lips tremble as I kiss him back. I can't not do it. Deep in my mind, no matter how much I want to erase it, he's my Prince Charming. Stupid but it is what it is. Little Minie has set him with that title and I can't change it. I've tried.
My arms go around his neck as he presses his body harder against mine. "Y-Yoonie..." I gasp, my hands slowly sliding down to fist his shirt.