Finding Ourselves Together (READ REVAMP VERSION - IN WAVES)

09 | The Morning After

"Aw, princess, did you make me pancakes?" He asked with a smile, noticing the stack of delicious breakfast food Rachel had been cooking. I turned away from them and hastily wiped my eyes, knowing that if Harris saw the state I was in he would ask questions. They continued being all lovey-dovey before Rachel paused and seemed to remember we were in the middle of a crisis.

"I'm just gonna help Lia with something quick, babe." She told him while he dished up some of the fluffy pancakes. "We'll be in my room."

Thankfully he barely noticed us leaving and focused more on drowning his pancakes in maple syrup.

* * *

"Okay, just breathe and tell me what's going on."

We were sitting on her unmade bed, which was kind of gross because I could guess exactly what happened here last night, but I couldn't be bothered right now.

"When I saw you last, you said you were just going for a walk. I figured you went home after that."

"Yeah, I did take a walk, but I kind of...took a detour."

"Meaning?" She raised a brow and waited, and the words were on the tip of my tongue, but it was so hard to say. I inhaled a sharp breath and muttered my next sentence.

"I hooked up with Nate Miller." I said so softly it was inaudible.

"What was that?" Rachel leaned forward and turned her head so that her ear faced me.

"I..."

Shit, I just have to say it.

"I HOOKED UP WITH NATE MILLER!"

Dammit, say it! Don't shout! What was wrong with me?

"You did what?!" Rachel gasped and slapped her hands to her mouth. "How did that even happen?"

"I can't really remember! He was down there at the beach, and we hung out and...shared a joint." My voice trailed into a whisper for the last part.

"You? Lia DeMarco, smoked weed?" She asked with a gaping jaw.

"That's not important! We were just hanging out, and the next thing I know he's telling me my eyes look like the ocean and-"

"Awwww, cute!" She cooed out with a dreamy reaction and I couldn't help but smile back, enjoying the warmth in my stomach at the memory.

"I know." Is all I could muster up with blushing cheeks. "No, wait! That's not what this is about." I got back on track and narrowed my eyes.

"Oh, right. Sorry...continue." She changed her expression back to serious and paid attention again.

"So, after that he kissed me, but it turned into way more. I remember us making out, and then we were somehow in the pool house." I shut my eyes tightly and tried to rack my brain. "I remember taking my clothes off, but I dunno why they're wet, and then I think I had a blackout because that's all I know."

I slumped forward and rested my head in my hands, cursing myself for drinking too much.

"So, you don't actually know if you slept with him?"

"No, I don't know." I sat back up and sighed deeply. "Wouldn't I feel different if I had? Like wouldn't it have hurt enough for me to remember?"

"Not necessarily." Rachel answered and my heart plunged. "I mean, for me it did, but I know girls who didn't feel anything the next day."

Great. Fan-fucking-tastic.

My mouth dried up and my throat tightened with each breath I took, still processing how stupid I was.