A Lovable Disaster

We all crave for things we don't have no matter how shitty they are.Thats human nature.There is no particular reason for that.It's just a sort of struggle we have with our willpower to get what we want.

Joe wasn't all bad.Initially I kind of liked him.He was interesting and he had a girlfriend so I wanted him. I don't know how it happened but somehow I got him.But after getting him that eagerness was over and I wanted to be alone again.It wasn't love...it was hope.

Joe bent down on his knees with a rose while the entire locality catcalled continuously. I didn't know what to do as everyone looked at me waiting for me to take the rose.

I hesitated for a moment and then took the rose after giving fake smiles to everyone-including Joe. I never wanted this. I wanted a relationship which would be a secret only among us.A relationship where it was just me and Joe against the whole world.

I never prayed for popularity. I never wanted to show off my boyfriend to everyone. I hate publicity. I hate the lights on my face. I hate people teasing me about embarassing things. I started hating Joe.

That wasn't the end of my nightmare.All of a sudden, Joe took my hand and slipped a ring in my finger.I was dumbstruck. I knew he was my boyfriend and this was supposed to be a pleasant surprise but it was more of a nightmare for me.I didn't want it.At least not in front of everyone.

I was angry but I forced a plastic smile as everyone cheered for the 'happy couple'.Joe's face was full of happiness and his smile had spread wide across his face.He pulled me closer to him as I desperately tried to move away.

He took me to his friends and started introducing me to people I didn't know by saying I was his girlfriend. Right then I felt like I was some prize he had won and I was just a means of his getting popularity.

The hate was too strong and I couldn't help wanting to leave him.Forever.

______________________________

Conversations between me and Ryan started getting heated and I began dreaming of him as my boyfriend.

It is every girl's dream to date her best friend. I too wanted to date him.But he wasn't single and really loved Selena. I didn't want to destroy that.

I deliberated for long time whether I would tell him about my feelings or not. I decided not to in fear of breaking our friendship.

I flirted with him unknowingly and my heart gave a leap whenever I was talking to him but I never let him know that.

But things can always get complicated. I didn't know how long I was going to pretend to be ok,with him not knowing anything and me dying to let him know all about it.

I tried to stop myself but it was hard. I had to lie about my heart thumping whenever he spoke of Selena. I was happy for him as his best friend but part of me wished he'd give up on her.

That wasn't going to happen. He grew more attached to her and kept asking me for opinions which I was happy to provide,with a broken heart.He was really confusing though and at times I thought maybe...just maybe he liked me.

You know how people give mixed signals and it's so bloody difficult to understand what that person really means and so we jump into our own conclusions and often make a wrong decision?

My dumbass brain did that of course.I was excited after he started reciprocating my flirtatious texts and I thought he had feelings for me.So one night I decided to give him a hint.

It was the day before his exam.

Ryan-"Yoo bestie"
Me-"Hi love"
"You know today Selena..."
"Stop talking about her..don't you get it?"
"Ok tell me one thing clearly although I do get it..do you have feelings for me?"
"I'm not in a position to say that."
"Please tell me the truth..This feels like a movie..I can't live like this anymore.."
"What if I did?"
I paused with my heart beating so fast I felt like it would burst.

A/N

Did you ever have to force yourself to love someone? Did you ever feel like nobody can understand you? Dont worry..we are all in the same shit.At the end all of us are winners.

Xoxo😘😘