A story of love and hate and well...multiple disasters..Read on to find out?
Excerpt:
He took me to a dark lane through a passage between two dilapidated bungalows. We were alone. I already had that feeling in my gut when you feel like you are bein...
No matter how bad your heart is broken,the world doesn't stop for your grief. I was yet to understand that. I was kinda feeling empty after leaving Joe.
I had attained peace within myself for not living in pretence anymore but somehow I didn't feel as happy as I expected to feel.
I wanted to be happy..fly in the air as I had done when I had Ryan as my best friend and living a carefree life.But I felt empty..broken..
Maybe he was just a crush but I did have expectations from him. I wanted him to be the man I had dreamt of.
Touching me when required, loving me when required and leaving me alone when I wanted. I never got that. When I wanted him to leave me alone he was there hovering around me,when I wanted him to stay at a distance he touched me,when I longed for his touch he refrained from touching me..
How long could I have dealt with the frustration?How long could I pretend to be the fake person I was becoming? How long could I lie to my parents for him and meet him?How long could I lie to everyone else about how I truly felt?
I needed someone like Ryan. Maybe he only told me the things which I wanted to hear but I believed he was sincere. I believed he really meant everything because he had such a pure soul.But at this point,there was truly noone like him.
I looked back to the days I dreamt of Joe and me together in the future. I had a clear cut perception of him. He was the ideal guy.
He seemed decent, sincere, matured and he truly loved me. I wanted to be with him or at least try to be with him. But I sadly could not.Why did it happen?
Did I grow out of love?Can such a thing even happen? How can you love a person truly if you grow out of love? What is love?
Why do I long for people and then I don't want them anymore?People call me a player but is that true?Is it not the fact that people are just too deceptive or too difficult for me to interpret?
Am I wrong in my point of view?
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
______________________________
There was total silence on the side of Ryan. I was too busy with my exams and though his words kept pricking me all the time,I have a unique ability to concentrate only on the things that concern me.
So I was more concentrated in doing well in my exams and getting the highest marks which had become like a habit to me.But my heart ached for my lost best friend.
Anna was my best friend but he was different.He was someone I loved and cared for all the time.He was someone I could talk to about anything and everything. I could do that even with Anna but there were some things which I was too embarrassed to tell her.
Maybe it was my fucked up mentality but that was just how I was. I kept a distance and I shared only particular stuff with particular people.
I changed myself from person to person and it really got me into a mess..turning me into a multiple personality disorder suffering person.
I could be cheerful to someone,gloomy to the next and angry to the other at the same time. I got mood swings every minute and I knew people had a hard time adjusting with me.
But I was resolute in my bearings and I wasn't willing to change myself for people who didn't give a shit about me.Ryan was gone. I accepted it and I cherished our moments together.
I cherished the meet at the restaurant when we shared our food as best friends,the nights he texted me when I was down,the 25 messages he sent me when I went into a depression and deactivated my profile,the times he made me laugh when I was angry with Nick,the time I saw my parents fighting and I got upset,the times when I was scared and he started making me laugh...
It all seemed like a far away dream but I knew he pushed me away only because he was too hurt to move any further. Maybe he didn't know how to react.Maybe he wasnt ready for this.Maybe he didn't like me but didn't have the guts to say it.
Maybe there was something wrong with me.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
A/N
What is the thing that hurts the most?Breaking up with someone who you thought you would live with forever or realizing you can no longer be with the person you want? Why is life so hard? It's probably preparing you for the perfect man/woman. Remember..you are getting stronger.
