Sakura (How to Obtain a Reverse Harem in Naruto)

"I've never been in love, but I imagine it's similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food."

-Zach Galifianakis

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. The genius Kishimoto owns Naruto, and I'm simply having fun with his delightful world.

Warning: Parody. Parody. Parody.

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Dear Yukie,

I've added a GIFL and a Jashinist to my harem now. How neato is that? I'm glad the movie shoot is going well for you, and I do hope you'll be able to convince the director to a side tour in Konoha. I'll bake you all the sweets, and give you a grand tour.

With love,

Sakura

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Dear Gaara,

B

R

U

H

With love,

Sakura

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Hidan woke up with a pounding headache and blurred vision. He clutched at his head, blinking rapidly clear away the spots. It still took several minutes before both subsided and he was able to look around his surroundings.

He was definitely in a cell.

Not a bad one, like he would have expected. He was in a decently comfortable bed—and he noticed there was a tray of food at his bedside—with a clean floor. Opposite of his bed was a cozy chair, complete with a lamp. There was a doorway beside the chair that Hidan could see housed the bathroom.

It was definitely the nicest cell Hidan had ever been in.

It also begged the question of what the heck that acolyte had been thinking.

He could kind of see where she was coming from. He was the last High Priest of Jashin-sama, and if he died then the religion would come to an abrupt end. He had hoped while working with the Akatsuki he would find a suitable village to start up his temple and begin indoctrination, but he hadn't found the right spot, yet.

But there was already an acolyte in Konoha?

'How did she receive the marking?' Hidan wondered. The blessing of Jashin-sama wasn't some ordinary tattoo one got on a drunk night. It was a permanent mark on one's spiritual chakra. The only way she could have received such a thing was if Jashin-sama had personally blessed her.

Hidan remembered Jahsin-sama saving him when he was younger. He remembered Jashin-sama bestowing his blessing on him, and Hidan had received a form of immortality. He could die through starvation or chakra depletion, but everything else would eventually heal. His marking—the triangle and circle—was a symbol of this specific kind of blessing.

Sakura, on the other hand, had the blessing of fire.

It was exciting, when Hidan thought about it, that someone else had personally received Jashin-sama's blessing. Not everyone in the religion was blessed such an honor, after all. Most members of the religion marked themselves with the circle and star symbol.

If he hadn't personally seen the marking—and felt the chakra signature from it—he would have thought it a complete hoax.

But no, it was true.