12 years

I completely regret saying what I said last chapter about not wanting to date Jordan. I realized that if I did like him I wouldn't have a problem with being around Oscar. I just wish a miracle would happen and Jordan would actually like me but I know that won't ever happen so I'll just keep dreaming.  Alright besides problems with Jordan I didn't have the best day, it was a complete wreck.  During band I had what I think was an anxiety attack. I literally felt like I was gonna die. Let's just back track and explain what happened. So this basically all revolves around Jeremy. Actually it starts out with 3rd period.  For 3rd period I have Ancient civilizations. I sit in the middle between Oscar and Issac. Issac is my other ex. The only reason me and Issac broke up was because he kept asking me questions about my tush, so I decided to just end that whole situation. So like I was saying I'm in between Oscar and Issac. I was talking to Issac when out of nowhere he pulled out a valentine and said "hey do you want this" I was like "do you want to give it to me sort of like you know " he was like "yeah" and I was like "well then sure I'd love the candy". After a while the bell rung and I was off to band. I got to band and ate the candy. Then Jeremy showed up. I mentally freaked out but I was ok. We started talking and I was like "I didn't think anyone was going to actually offer me a valentine but someone actually gave me some candy" he smiled and said "I was actually just about to ask you if you had a valentine" and I was like " I don't but since this kid gave me that candy I wasn't going to turn down candy" he laughed and said "oh" then I paused and said "do you have a valentine" he kind of just made a straight face and said "yeah I'm just gonna get her something small and call it a day" I kind of hinted a sad face and said "oh" then I started internally screaming inside. During the middle of tame the savage sea my knee had started hurting, but I thought it was normal. Then it started hurting even more. Jeremy then looked at me kind of worried but didn't say anything. Then Jake asked me are you okay. I shrugged and said I guess I don't know. Then we ended on tame the savage sea and moved on to mama Mia.  Out of nowhere in the middle of transition I broke down collapsed and started crying. Oh my gosh it was so embarrassing everyone started to look at me. Then Jeremy got worried and said "Are you okay so do you need something what's wrong". I started crying hysterically. Brandon immediately Started helping me he got me a seat told me to sit and talked to me in a very calming way. I started panicking and freaking out for no apparent reason. He went and got the teacher. I am so thankful he was there to help me.  After words the teacher made me sit down but I didn't like sitting there because Oscar kept looking at me and it kind of made me feel weird so I crawled to the bells back where Brandon was
I just sat next to him and cried. He kept asking me if I was okay and all I could have said was I don't know. A part of me was really upset that Jeremy wasn't there the entire time but I had to deal with it. By the end of 4th period Jeremy walked by me and said "hey" I said "hey" he spoke calmly to me and said "I hope you feel better I want to give you a hug and tell you it's going to be okay but I don't want to hurt you even more" in my head I said to my self if only you knew the reason I was crying, I wanted to hug him so bad it would have felt so nice especially from the mood I was in. Basically the rest of the day I was in a really crappy mood. While I was at an assembly with police (they gave us a presentation on making the right choices) Jordan gave me a really dirty look. It made me feel so bad and ruined my day even more then it already was. To be honest all I wanted was to talk to Jeremy and have a nice conversation with him but that couldn't happen. I wonder if he was worried about me throughout the day. I had went to the nurse to take my inhaler and on the way back to class I had passed by my band teacher and she had told me that during lessons throughout the entire day everyone was worried about how I was feeling. She had told me that everyone had seemed genuinely concerned so that kind of made me feel a bit better. If you really think about it, it feels really nice for someone to ask you if you were ok. Especially because nobody ever really asks me if I'm ok the only people I've probably ever heard ask me if I was ok was Leo and Rose. I genuinely hoped the next day would be better hoping a miracle happens since the next day was Valentine's Day.