I'd Rather be Dead Instead

"February 11, 2012
Yes, a year after your existence, I got pregnant again, with a girl, and we wanted to name her something like a plant or a flower, maybe Rosa, Rose, Rosalietta, Rosie, Sakura, Bloom, something like that, but she died, she died in the hospital after I gave birth to her, that's why I didn't let you go to school on time so you would, maybe the two of you, go to school, in the same class, together, but unfortunately, I'm sorry.

After that, I discovered that her pregnancy gave me medical and health issues that we couldn't afford, so I stopped telling your dad about my health problems and stopped complaining, but four months later, I was obliged to do surgery and we couldn't afford a needle? How will we afford surgery? So we started arguing often and I decided to divorce him and live with my rich ex who could keep me alive..."

"Oh, I'm in agony, have mercy upon my heart!", Brendon and his drama!

"Rich ex, huh?", Rosalia muttered, "rich ex?"

"What's so-", I started.

"Why would she have a rich ex if she was, or should I say, were, indeed, poor?", Rosalia just caught her.

"Only poor people don't know English back in Lebanon, and she's fluent, no, why would she have a rich ex, who, indeed, speaks English, fall in love with her, and speak to him, unless she actually had the money to learn that, get me? Plus, she wrote everything in her journal in English in a student neat handwriting, so, please, she shall not think that she can outsmart mei!", Rosalia thought out loud and I froze analyzing and-

"What are you doing?", Brendon asked.

"I need, no, I must use your computer!", I heaped as I was bending, searching for his laptop.

*a double poke on my shoulder*

*a swift turn of my head*

"...here.", he handed out.

*I sighed a sigh of relief*" Watch mei!"

I opened his laptop and hacked his laptop and-

"HEEYYYYYYYY!!! YOU CAN'T DO THATTTT!!", Brendon childishly whined.

"Oh, who's the independent, determined unstoppable woman now?", I flipped his words on him.

"I'mma show ya!", he muttered.

And I cracked the codes of the internet so I can access accounts and talk to people indirectly, like when I was with him, and I searched for my dad: Enrique Tienes and found his birth and death date and got a flashback of that night.

"Why are you searching for him, he's dead-", Brendon wondered.

"Oh, shouldn't they all be?", I cruelly spat!

RELATIVES:

 MARINARA TIENES - DAUGHTER

 AMY DE LA CRUZ TIENES - EX-WIFE 

 CRISTELLA TIENES - SISTER

"Is this like FaceBook or something?", Brendon asked.

"More like the dark web...", Rosalia jittered.

"Welcome, to the secret intelligence nation, here are where they detect you, as official representatives and-", I elaborated.

"Oooohhh, cool!", they said.

And I pressed on mom's name on the screen and I screenshot all her contact info and wrote them down on my diary which made me memorize it, then I searched for her relatives:

MARINARA TIENES - DAUGHTER

ALBERT PARK - HUSBAND

ADAM PARK - SON

JOYCE PARK - DAUGHTER

LORETTA BEAU PARK - MOTHER-IN-LAW

SHOW MORE

And we spent the whole night checking them out, he was sure rich, had various houses in several continents, and his kids, he had a kid, Joyce, from a different wife, and they were all beautiful and well-educated and livin' their best lives!

"I don't wanna live with them! I hate that life, hardcore.", I admitted.

They nodded. 

"Lindsey...?", Brendon started.

"Hmmm? Yeas, wassup?", I saw him looking at Rosalia for confidence, but she couldn't say it as well-

"Uh, I get it, I can't share the place no more-"

"NOOOOO!"

 "Really? Then what?"

"You-", Brendon sang.

"You love it how I move you, you believe God is a woman!" I sang Ariana Grande's God is a Woman and they wore poker faces, that's when I knew they were big-time, deadly serious, "oh shit, what's up?"

"You lack self-confidence, and -", Brendon stuttered.

"You are all focused on vengeance and torture and hatred and agony, no, life has love, remember when we used to go out, even in the midst of torture of him, and when you saw your mom Linds...", Rosalia started to shed light on the darkest corners of me, "...all she saw was pain, all we  ever saw, verbatim, I cross my heart!", and she looked at Brendon for approval and he nodded with a hand on his heart.

"We, we understand, but, it's time, they're over, and it's time that you let them go, through writing, through music, through other arts through computer ish, you choose, but let 'em go, okay?", Brendon was on the edge of tears, of falling apart, of breaking down...

"And you must meet new people, Linds, k? We're nothing out of this whole universe! Go and make loads of friends!", Rosalia offered.

I was having mixed emotions, my heart was bleeding emotions all over the place with fractured feelings and-

"I'm sorry, but they will be no Lindsey to even meet new friends!", I carefully laid my words out like fragile material while they -

"NO! ARE YOU SUICIDING? NO!", they yelled and locked everything and,

"Oh, d'you forget that I have supapowas!", and I phantom-ly exited the walls and heard their ughhss!

"Lemme show ya!", I offered, "here's where all my writings lie, I gain a lot of readers and comments and stuff, I even won competitions and stuff, do me one last favor and publish them in bookstores WHEN I'M GONE!"

"I don't want you to be gone...", Brendon whined.

"I'mma tell her!", Rosalia threatened.

"Here!", I deleted my mom's contact from his laptop, "show mei whatshu whatshu gon' do!"

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH WYYY ARE YOU LIIIIIKKKEEEE THIIISSSSSS???!!!", Rosalia yelled at the top of her lungs and jumped over me and I held one hand in the air and we were all floating in the air like as if we were in zero gravity and got water and did water bubbles around us and then started to change their colors till they thought they were in ecstasy and  I brought us all together and we held hands and removed the water and spun us around like helicopter wings and started screaming!