JTRM (Nny x Devi)

Dear Diary,
I had another dream about killing Devi.
They've become too vivid... I'm growing more and more worried that my mind will blur fantasy with reality, and I'll attack her thinking it's a dream. I don't know why I would do that... I don't want to attack her. I don't want to hurt her, ever.
So, as a precaution, I've decided that I won't be sleeping anymore. Staying awake is all that I can do combat these shitty nightmares.]
–
Johnny scratched the final letter of his latest diary entry firmly into the paper's face, then closed the cover quietly. He tucked the book under his chair, careful to not alert Devi, who was painting a few feet away, that he was making any unusual movements.
He felt badly to keep these dreams a secret from her, since he was confident that Meat was interfering with his sleep somehow, but he buried those prickly feelings of guilt to the best of his ability. The only other reason for these reoccurring nightmares would be that he, in fact, was thinking them up all on his own, which was even worse as far as Johnny was concerned. Either way, he was terrified that if he mentioned it to Devi that she would again grow suspicious of him.
After regaining so much of her trust, it would kill him inside to see her hesitate to accept his company, or linger on her words or her decisions in what she allowed him to do with her, all because he wasn't in control of his subconscience. Very few people were able to control their unconscious mind, but Johnny still felt immensely paranoid that Devi wouldn't be understanding, regardless of if it would be because of actual resentment, or simply out of fear, even though she would still want to trust him. That might sting even worse, actually.
They had built such a comforting routine in her home; working away on creative endeavors together at all hours, and enjoying each other's company over shared meals and television in their downtime. It was so soothing, bidding her 'goodnight' and 'good morning' each day. Devi's sleep schedule had returned to its atrociously inconsistent cycle since he moved in with her, so sometimes he would be saying 'goodnight' at 5PM, and other times saying 'good morning' at 5PM, but it was gratifying all the same. He didn't know, after he was 'better' and was supposed to return to his own house, how he would go through each day without being able to offer her such daily pleasantries. Maybe he would be able to do so over the phone, he thought, but it wouldn't be the same.
His eyes lifted from the scantily-worked-on page that was fastened to his drafting table and settled on Devi's kneeling figure a short distance away. Johnny smiled to see the small smirk on her face while she blotted color across her canvas. She had been toiling away on this commissioned work for almost a week now, and she always seemed to enter some kind of frenzied state whenever she was nearing a piece's completion. It was a large project, she had told him, and would offer her a very hefty paycheck once it was finished. Maybe it was the thought of money that pushed her into such an energetic fit of creation – Johnny could only speculate. She grinned and rubbed a bit of paint from her cheek as she stepped back to review her efforts.
His lips pursed into a longer smile; how could he even consider sullying her mood by bringing up useless things like night terrors? He couldn't. He would handle this himself, and leave Devi to her work.
–
DAYS LATER:
Devi beamed, squiggling her brush down her canvas to the rhythm of the song she currently had blasting from the speakers of her art room. Nothing was more satisfying than going to the bank and depositing a nice, big, fucking check, and she could only express her delight by jumping right into a personal project as soon as she and Johnny had returned home. It felt so good to have enough money, for the time being, to indulge in painting what she wanted to for more than an hour.
"Hey!" Johnny's voice piped up over the music, and Devi turned to see him pull his headphones off of one of his ears. His headphones were his only defense against her deafening taste in music, so it must be important. Devi searched the floor for the dinky little remote that controlled the speakers, and lowered the volume to a reasonable level.
"Yeah?" She grinned at him, and he met her smile with one of his own.
"Can you hold your arm out like 'this' for me?" Johnny stuck his arm out and twisted it downwards in a fist to give her an example. Devi scoffed, used to him asking her to pose for reference by now, and tried to mimic what he had requested.
"Like that?"
"Ummm, no, down a little more. Ehhh—" He wiggled his fist in her direction. "—put your shoulder up more, maybe? Give me... 'intimidating'."
Devi laughed.
"Shut the Hell up." She huffed a few chuckles and brought her shoulder up as instructed.
"YES. HOLD THAT." Johnny exclaimed and hurriedly resumed his sketching. Devi's smile remained while she watched him work.
She had to admit she was proud of how far he had come since this whole thing started – he hardly ever devolved into a crying mess when his drawings weren't progressing to his liking anymore. The last time Devi remembered him throwing a fit was shortly after the 'leash and collar' situation began, and she figured that that was more out of pent up frustration for that small bit of humiliation, and not so much because he was a creative loose-cannon.
The way his tongue poked out while he drew was a little more endearing suddenly, but Devi dismissed the thought, chalking it up to the current carefree feeling in the air. The evening was set to be lighthearted the moment she had gotten paid; the plan was to have whatever the fuck she wanted for dinner, and then binge-watch the entire movie series of The Beast What Licked Me, which was the main trilogy and all of its subsequent, horrible spinoff movies by less-than-admirable production studios. Devi smiled at the idea of having fun for once.
"You know, the lofty smile doesn't really give me that 'intimidating' vibe." Johnny spoke with a teasing laugh, earning a dismissive, blithe scoff from his model.
"Shut your mouth—aren't you hungry yet?" Devi snorted, wriggling her shoulder to rib at him further. He stuck the end of his pencil into his lip curiously.
"Are you?"
"Sure, and I think my hand's had enough painting for one day." She straightened her posture with a widening grin. "You done?"
"Well, I am for now, if that's alright with my, er, mentor..." Johnny replied with the question in his stare, and Devi snickered again.
"You are excused for the evening. Now, let's order Chinese, for delivery. I don't feel like leaving the house again today." Devi mused while she walked out of the room. Johnny smiled giddily at the comment – one trip outside was enough for one day, he'd agree wholeheartedly!
–
FIFTEEN-MINUTES-OR-LESS LATER:
Johnny threw the wad of cash that Devi had so-entrusted him with directly into the delivery boy's face, knocking him over with the force of the impact as he snatched the take-out bag from him. He slammed the door shut callously, and hummed in approval at the now familiar smell of Devi's favorite Chinese restaurant.
He strode to the kitchen with it, and began laying out the bag's drippy contents onto the counter. He jumped when he felt something jab into his side, but hardly had to turn his head before he recognized Devi's head peeking into his peripheral. She gave him a cheeky grin, and he smiled back shyly.
"You're already finished showering?"
"Yeah, heh, just needed to rinse off that outside-world smell." She crossed her arms over one of his shoulders as she leaned to see what he was doing. "...Why'd you bother bringing the food in here?"
Johnny gesticulated his hands loosely around the counterspace as he attempted to explain, but it was difficult with Devi touching him.
"WELL, it's—" Another swat of his hands. "...greasy!"
Devi snortled and slid off of his shoulder, giving his back an additional plap with her palm before moving to inspect tonight's dinner. She popped open one of the containers and couldn't help but jam a pair of chopsticks into it right away, scooping a pile of noodles into her mouth happily.
She exhaled contently through her nose while she chewed, then turned a curious eye to Johnny, who was picking at the fabric of his shirt where she had just been pressed against him. It was only for a second, but it was enough to take notice of before he tilted to look through the boxes and find which one was his entrée. Devi swallowed, and watched his thin fingers play with the lids while she thought.
When had she gotten so comfortable with touching him? It had been a long time since physical contact with anyone had been so nonchalant for her. If she could guess, it was probably due to the whole 'close proximity of the leash' thing, or maybe the whole 'living together' thing, but either way it was bizarre that she hadn't realized how casual things had become until she noticed Johnny's slight change in demeanor in response to it.
One wouldn't have to ask Johnny 'when' the touching started; he could tell you with one-hundred percent certainty that it was the night that they went to pick up a few groceries from a nearby 24/7. Devi had approached him, and set a hand on his arm for an undiscernible amount of seconds while she spoke to him – undiscernible because his brain had just about exploded from the direct contact. He had returned the casual touching with a modest hand on her shoulder, and she hadn't killed him for it. Johnny would probably remember that night for the rest of his existence.
But Devi was left to ponder at what point she had regrown enough trust for him to poke and prod at him without wanting to carve her own skin off afterward. He was a lot less horrible now, and she enjoyed his company again, so she supposed that said something, at least. She shrugged it off and stuffed a piece of chicken in her mouth.
"You ready to get this hideous marathon underway?" Devi asked while she chewed. Johnny carefully lifted the top off of the horrendously spicy dish he'd ordered.
"Yes!" He beamed at her eagerly, brandishing a spork as though it was a beacon for his well-equipped-ness for the evening.
–
FIVE MOVIES IN:
"Oouughh..." Devi vocalized her agony with her fingers pressed to her sore eyes.
"Yeah, that FX make-up is garbage. Worse than the one in Spawn of The Beast What Licked Me." Johnny replied lazily from his side of the couch, half-melted into the cushion. Though his corneas burned just as badly, the pain didn't register with him the same way.
"No," Devi griped. "my eyes are killing me..."
A yawn punctuated her complaint, and Johnny lifted his head attentively. She was tired. He'd come to learn the signs of her exhaustion quite well, and despite his current feelings about sleep, rest appeared to do Devi some good.
"Are you going to go to bed?" He asked and reset his head onto the back cushion of the couch comfortably. Devi peeked at him from the armrest on the opposite side, where she had devolved into a lumpy ball as the night wore on. Her ear pressed into the cushy fabric, and she slanted her mouth in discontent.
She didn't particularly want to go to sleep. There was only one more movie to go, and it felt weak as Hell to give up now when she was so close to the end of a movie binge. Devi lulled her head in the direction of the TV, and winced away in regret when the flashing light burned her eyes.
"Ugh." She grunted in defeat. "Yeah, I guess."
"We can finish these last two tomorrow." Johnny offered to ease her frustration, and Devi smirked through her exhaustion.
"Yeah, okay." She agreed and rolled into a seated position. She struggled to stand with her tired legs, but managed to force herself up.
One of her hands came down to point at Johnny as she passed him, her finger hovering just out of reach of his nose.
"—And don't you dare watch ahead." Devi smiled despite her threatening tone. "You turn that shit off, you don't get to watch without me."
Johnny grinned uneasily, half of him delighted at how she joked with him.
"Yes, of course." He assured her, and Devi nodded appreciatively before hobbling off to bed. Johnny watched her door click shut, then searched for the remote and turned the TV off.
His body slumped against the couch, the satisfied feeling in his torso weighing him down into its pillows. He debated what he could do for the rest of the night with his lazy, fried brain. The dull feeling in his arms made drawing seem impossible, and he didn't want to turn on the TV again until he was sure Devi was soundly asleep. So he laid on the couch and thought to pass the time.
It didn't take long for his thoughts to turn to Devi, and he smiled comfortably as he reviewed the day's events. Johnny laced his fingers over his chest and contemplated if their relationship would progress further than this, or if it had reached it's peak at her not hating him and offering him passing physical contact. He was perfectly happy with how things were now, but he would have said the same thing about her begrudgingly tolerating his company two months ago. Now he couldn't imagine going back to that time and being satisfied without her smile, or laughter, or rib jabbing.
A sigh slipped past his lips as he smooshed further into the couch at the memory of her forearms crossed over his shoulders early this evening. It was so nice. Everything was so nice now; he felt like he could exist like this forever. The impermanence of his situation was lost from his mind for the time being, and he nestled his brow into the cushion while he let his tender thoughts carry his brain away.
Without realizing, his eyes slowly began to settle closed, and he drifted into an impromptu nap.
–
Johnny reaffixed his grip on the handle of his knife, the tendons there further visible under the gaunt skin of his hand. He would usually wear gloves for something like this – it was so messy – but a kill such as this one, that was so personal and passionate in nature, had no room for measures of tidiness.
She deserved this so much; she was so mean. Cruel. She never treated him like this before, when they had their nice, engaging conversations at the bookstore. Everything was so pleasant then. He could still imagine her, with her short black hair and uniform apron, and her dark, painted lips that made his heart go berserk when they tilted up into a smile for him. Him, bringing a smile to someone else's face. How abnormal.
His own mouth twitched upwards more, making his grin look more unhinged than it already did. The little spatters of blood on his cheeks and nose smeared under the creases it brought.
Devi lay below him – on the floor, if he wasn't mistaken – looking up at him in fear. He'd only stabbed her a few times so far, but Johnny could tell by the terror in her eyes that she knew those wouldn't be the only ones. He crouched over her form, as he had over so many others, and held her shoulder with his left hand while the right started its habitual swinging.
The blade plunged into her chest again, marring her shirt with another bloody hole. Then another, and another. He could feel the flexible bones of her ribcage bend under the base of his palm, compressed by the weight of his blows.
It felt so GOOD. She earned all of these! All of her stabbing, painful comments – she should have expected this outcome. This new, purple-haired, pigtailed Devi was not the one he cared so much for; she was a demon! A bastardized version of his Devi; one that smirked coolly at him as though she owned him; one that barraged him with pointless tests and berated him with cutting words when he failed.
"You deserve this!" Johnny breathed, digging the knife into her torso again. Devi did little to stop him, as she had so far, and only looked at him painfully. YES! She deserved this pain!
"You deserve this – you deserve this—!" He ranted, continuing to repeat the phrase over and over as he stabbed her. He watched her eyes – those pretty, green eyes – filled with hurt.
But it wasn't the hurt that he had originally thought.
It wasn't like the looks his other victims gave him, eyes filled with tears from the physical agony they were in. It wasn't even the same as the horror he'd seen on her face before, when he had lunged at her in his home. Johnny's smile slowly began to drop, seeing the unusual emotion in Devi's eyes. She looked at him with so much betrayal – almost longingly, as if to ask "Why?", or to say, "How could you?".
Why wasn't she fighting him? She should be able to get away. She's always gotten away from him – always refused to be a victim to him. Why was she just LAYING there, letting him kill her?
That's what he was doing. He was KILLING HER.
Devi seemed to acknowledge her impending death at the same time he had, and her expression grew wearier. Johnny felt anxiety rapidly mounting inside him, and only removed his fixation away from her face when he felt her hand gingerly grip at his fist. He looked down and watched her fingers, matted with blood, trying as best as they could to grasp onto him. He also realized that he was still holding the knife firmly in her sternum.
With a jolt of fear, he yanked the knife away, and Devi cried out for the first time that he could remember. It made him drop his weapon, and settle both hands onto her shoulders.
He yelped her name, as if that would do any good. What had he done? He had killed her – she was dying. He didn't want to believe it, and the sound of her labored breathing brought him to tears. This shouldn't be happening – Devi had helped him. She offered him so much of her; her time, her support, her home – and he had reduced her into a gored mass on her bedroom floor.
No, no, no. This wasn't right. He wanted to scream and sob, but that would do nothing to fix this.
A sticky sensation on his cheek brought him out of his panic, and he realized after a moment that it was Devi's hand, wet from her own blood. Despite the slippery, unpleasant feeling of the blood, Johnny was drawn to the delicate touch of her fingers, and tried to lean into them despite the weakness in her digits. He wanted her palm – he wanted it to cradle his cheek, and indulge in the forbade softness from her that he himself had ruined his chances of.
Johnny didn't get what he wanted, of course. Devi's hand slowly dropped away from his face, lingering until all the strength left her limbs, and her arm fell to her bloodied stomach. Johnny refused to take his eyes off of hers, and the anxiety he felt previously worked into a massive ball of dread as he saw the glint in Devi's eyes begin to dull.
No, no, no, no—
–
Johnny almost gagged from the abrupt force of the gasp that brought him back to consciousness. His leg kicked out, knocking over some empty containers and cans that had been left on the coffee table, and he scampered away from the sound with startled fear. A hand came up to palm away the wet lines that streaked down his cheekbones, but cold tears were the least of his concerns with his lungs beating air out of him faster than he could bring it in. Johnny tried to gather himself and calm his breathing down, but his heart wouldn't allow it, and continued pounding against the walls of its boney prison like a furious captive.
His eyes shook with anxiety as his pupils flashed from side to side, trying to use some amount of logic amongst his hysteria to convince himself everything was fine, and that his panic was just the result of another Godawful nightmare. Johnny noted the dark living room, the messy table, the quiet television set; nothing amiss or broken, nothing to indicate that anything in the apartment was any different from any other night, besides his quaking form bundled up on the sofa.
He turned his attention to Devi's bedroom door, and his haggard breaths immediately stopped. Her door was ajar. He had never seen her door open when she was sleeping, ever.
A shaky inhale sucked down his throat, and he started shivering from his shoulders down his arms and to his stomach. There was a sudden, paralyzing feeling of nausea woven through his guts, and it was almost painful to make his knees lift him into a standing position, like forcing a rusted bolt to twist. He couldn't get his back to straighten fully as he stood, so he crept with a nervous hunch in his shoulders toward Devi's bedroom.
Johnny swallowed past the dry flesh of his mouth as he reached the threshold of the doorway. His breath trembled again; he was terrified that upon pushing open the door fully, he would find Devi's lifeless body on the floor, right where he had 'dreamed' it was. He couldn't bear the thought that his worst fear had come to fruition – that his crappy, broken mind failed to recognize reality from fantasy, and either it, or Meat, had tricked him into murdering Devi with a rage that he didn't even have for her.
Despite his paralyzing fear, his hand settled onto the front of the door, and he creaked it open slowly. Johnny shakingly took a step inside, and even with the only light in the room being the dim reflection of a billboard outside, he could tell that there was nothing on the floor besides the usual scattered belongings. Certainly no bodies, and definitely not the one that belonged to Devi.
He brought his attention up to her bed, and his lips wibbled fearfully at the unidentifiable shape under the purple covers. He could see what would be assumed to be Devi's head poking out of the lump, resting on a pillow, but that was all. Johnny gulped quietly again. His paranoia couldn't let him leave it at that – he had to make sure that she was well, instead of just assuming she was sleeping peacefully.
He hurried to the side of the bed, and stared down with wide, fearful eyes at her neutral face that was tucked so snugly behind her curled hand. She wasn't making any sounds, and he couldn't tell with his own body shaking the way it was, if she was breathing or not. He continued staring, trying with all his might to determine if her body was rising and falling with lifegiving breath, and only grew more and more panicked the longer he couldn't stop trembling and focus enough to confirm it.
With a renewed burst of anxiety, Johnny shot forward, jabbing a knee into the fluff of her comforter. He grabbed her by the shoulders to shake her awake with terrified urgency, unable to think of any other way to quell his fears fast enough. Devi's eyes opened right away, rattling around in her aching head with confused alarm until she heard Johnny's wailing.
"DEVI! DEVI, DEVI—!" His face pinched miserably as he saw her irises flicker into view and focus squarely on him. His fingers tightened onto her shoulders further as his began to shake again, and he drooped like a dejected, wilted flower against her collar. He continued calling her name, but his voice garbled as he deteriorated into sobs.
It took Devi a moment to register what the Hell was going on, but her shocked expression melted into a tired, exasperated one as she realized Johnny was just having a fit about something, again.
"Nny—Nny!" She tried to urge him out of his crying with a few shoves on the arm, but Johnny only continued blubbering. He was trying desperately to explain himself, Devi could gather that much, but he was completely incoherent. She sighed in exhaustion, desperate to calm him and go the fuck back to bed.
"Johnny," She set a hand on his head, lazily leading it to lay flat on her mattress. "relax, please. Relax."
Johnny, whose figure had been half-collapsed on her bed already, buckled from his distress, and he laid loosely at her side like a ragdoll.
"—you were dead, you were dead—!" He managed to blather out, and Devi sighed again. She assumed that this was the result of another nightmare he had, and papped his hair with as much sympathy as she was willing to muster in her fatigued state.
"I'm not dead, Nny. I'm fine... see...?" She mumbled with her eyes closed. Johnny stifled his crying as he tried to accept what she was telling him, but even with the affirmation that she was alive and well, he couldn't stop his body's pitiful reaction to fear. He hadn't been so terrified in a long while – he couldn't even remember what he would do to ease the feeling before.
A sudden sensation against his hairline startled him out of his grim thoughts, and he realized after a moment that it was Devi's thumb idly brushing against his skin and into his hair. He stared at the sheets in surprise, unable to do much else besides focus on the strange scratching at his skull. Slowly, his eyelids lowered, but his somber expression remained. Johnny brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them tightly, hoping the pressure would help him relax.
Devi's fingers stilled after a minute, and he felt her wrist settle loosely on his temple, then eventually slip lower until her forearm rested across the side of his neck. He sniffed, and bent his head down more, but instead of his forehead settling onto his kneecaps, it was obstructed by something warm and flat.
Johnny tilted his head up at an angle, and was surprised to see that what he'd bumped into was Devi's collar – or rather, the area right below her collar. Her sternum; the bone that he had so viciously impaled with a knife several times in his newest dream. Guilt demanded that he pull his head away from where it rested, but as he turned his head, his ear pressed against her and he felt the light thumping of her heart tickle at his skin. Johnny froze, and his stillness offered him the full, uninterrupted rhythm of Devi's heartbeat.
Even with his own heart pumping erratically, the sound of Devi's heart was so audible and loud to the ear that was currently resting against her chest. It was just like any heartbeat, he supposed, but it was so calm and steady, much in contrast to his own which was still wild from coming down off of terror-induced adrenaline. The stable rhythm slowly began to calm him, and he took deep solace in the fact that as long as he could hear that drumming in his ear, it meant that she was alive. He curled further into himself, making sure that his temple was still pressed firmly against her collar.
Johnny chastised himself for a moment, trying to argue through his emotional exhaustion that this was, to some extent, inappropriate, and that now that he knew Devi was safe, he should leave her to rest. But he couldn't resist the lure of Devi's soft skin on his cheek, or her arm that was draped over his head, that made him feel oh-so cozy and secure. His eyes settled shut, and with a few lingering post-sobbing sniffs, slipped back into sleep.
–
THE FOLLOWING MORNING:
Devi mumbled in the back of her throat as she roused from slumber. There was still a dull ache in her brain, and she wasn't currently at all fond of the idea of opening her eyes or waking up. Her lip twitched at a weird texture flittering against it, and she snorted to encourage whatever it was to fuck off. Her breathing started to slow again, but after a moment, the tickling feeling moved up to her nose, making it curl and huff in annoyance.
She brushed the unknown irritant away with her hand, and opened her eyes bitterly as she accepted that going back to sleep wasn't going to happen now. She stretched her back out with a groaning sigh, and brought the same hand up to rub her face clear of any grogginess. As she did, the tuft of annoying, plumy things that had woken her up settled back against her mouth. Devi glared out at nothing in aggravation, then flicked her eyes down to finally see what it was.
Her eyes widened in confusion to be greeted with a pile of twisted, black hair. The confusion was short-lived as she realized that the hair was attached to Johnny, who was curled up in a ball beside her within the small space that her bent legs allowed, his head tucked comfortably under her chin. She blanched, and her cheeks quickly grew red from embarrassment and disoriented, shocked anger.
With a jolt of ego-preserving violence, she shoved him away and off of the bed, leaving only his skinny legs splayed in awkward angles atop the mattress. Devi sat up and glared at his boots.
"Johnny, what the Hell!" She huffed, her cheeks still tinged with color. Johnny rebounded from the initial shock of hitting the floor rather quickly, scampering up into a kneel at the side of her bed.
"OH, UH, I—" His own face blushed in shame, and he looked up to Devi's glowering face, hoping that she wouldn't be too angry with him. "I uh, I guess I... I fell asleep, after, um..."
His fingers drummed awkwardly against the sheets as he looked around the room noncommittally. Devi's expression dropped as she remembered, foggily, Johnny coming into her room during the night in absolute hysterics. She grunted and scowled with some acceptance that he'd ended up passing out beside her.
"You moron." Was all she could say. Johnny raised his eyes to look at her dejectedly, and she scoffed. She threw her legs off the other side of the bed, and walked around it, and Johnny, to reach her bathroom.
Johnny's lip stuck out curiously. He wondered if that was going to be the extent of his punishment for unwanted physical contact, but dared not ask. Instead, he pulled himself up to sit on the corner of her bed and waited patiently for her to return. He hoped she didn't come back with anything to hit him with, like the good, old-fashioned, 'bar of soap in a sock' flail.
Devi only washed her face, then reentered her room to frown at him. She crossed her arms at the sight of him sitting on her bed, and Johnny held his hands between his knees, timidly avoiding what he assumed was a bitter glare from her. Devi rolled her eyes as she sighed, and joined him on the edge of her mattress.
"Another nightmare, Nny?" She asked. Johnny's head lowered from the annoyance in her voice.
"Yes..." He mumbled, twiddling his thumbs nervously. He heard Devi scoff again, and he felt further guilt that she was unaware of the seriousness behind his night terrors. After her unintentionally warm comforting the night previous, he felt compelled to tell her the truth.
"Devi, uh, I actually... there's something I must confess." Johnny looked to her, and Devi's mouth flattened in surprise. She hoped silently that this wasn't something romantic, given the already ridiculous start to her day. Johnny swung his legs absentmindedly.
"Well, you see..." A sigh. "I've been having these... "nightmares", for months."
"All of them have been about, well, killing you." Johnny grimaced as he said it, and Devi's expression shifted to a different kind of surprise. Johnny continued. "Each time I fall asleep, they get worse; more vivid, more violent. Last night's was the worst one to date. It was so real, Devi, I—I swore that I'd killed you. I was so certain..."
His hands gripped at the fabric of his pants nervously.
"...I think Meat's behind it." He said finally, and Devi took new, startled interest in his admission. They were quiet a moment before Devi replied.
"You really think the dreams are his doing?"
"I do." He affirmed. "He doesn't speak to me very often now that I live here, but I'm sure it's him. I... I don't know why he's doing it, but I'm sure that he's influencing them to be so gory and... awful... and you-related."
Devi pondered this new development with a healthy amount of bitter suspicion. As far as she knew, Reverend Meat wanted Johnny to live, and had yet to try and influence him to kill anyone. What he wanted Johnny to do was engage in normal human-y things, and lose himself to his emotions, to his feelings. His feelings for her, in this case specifically. She slid her attention back to him with her suspicions hidden, as to not inadvertently express it to Johnny, and Meat, by extension.
"Did you have a nightmare after you fell asleep in my bed?" She asked.
Johnny blinked, having not bothered to even think about that until she mentioned it.
"Oh... no, I didn't." He replied. Devi pursed her mouth, convinced she knew the reason for Meat's meddling this time.
He was trying to drive Johnny directly into her arms, like a bovine herder whacking his cattle with an electric rod. It boiled her blood to think of that shitty little parasite being so crafty. It would be easy for Meat to convince Johnny, without words, that he was urging him to commit violent acts, like Johnny's previous voices, when in actuality, he was still just pushing this 'physical longing' crap.
"I'm sorry Devi..." Johnny's head hung pathetically. "I know I should have told you. I was just so afraid... Afraid that you wouldn't... trust me, again."
He lifted his head.
"So much has changed since we, uh, 'reunited', if you'd want to call it that." He mumbled. "I was scared that everything would regress back to the way it used to be. Everything is so nice now, I didn't want to disturb it if I didn't have to."
Devi frowned at him in disbelief. She was still unused to any kind of heartfelt comments from anyone, especially him. For a moment, she debated whether or not to inform Johnny of the conclusion she'd just come to.
It could be beneficial to let him know, even if that would let Meat know as well, but then Johnny would probably go out of his way to avoid any touching, and maybe even hide his emotions more, just as a precaution to keep any and all feelings for her in check and not vulnerable to the Reverend, as futile as that would be. Devi hated to admit that she... didn't want that. She liked bothering him, and it was nice to have such a casual friendship with someone after all these years of crappy people and self-made solitude.
She let her shoulders sag in defeat to her own wretched feelings.
"Yeah, things are nice now." She smiled at him. Johnny was surprised that she would agree with him, and grinned shyly back at her.
"You still should have told me though, idiot." Devi added with a meaner smirk, and Johnny shrugged in reply with a laugh. Devi pushed his shoulder.
"I'll forgive you if you make me breakfast." She offered, and Johnny jumped at the opportunity.
"Okay!" His smile grew wider, and he began slinking off toward the kitchen, lingering as though he was urging her to follow him.
Devi snorted a laugh and got up to join him. She would just keep these nightmares under close observation for now, until she was sure that she was correct about Meat's intentions.