Crossroads - H.S.

Calming Harry down was harder than I expected it to be. He wasn't crying, or really doing anything, but that's what worried me the most.

There are so many different ways that people handle panic attacks, and shutting down is by far the scariest to me. I would've rathered him scream, punch his car, cry, or anything. He just stood there in silence after he pushed away from our hug.

I offered to drive home, and he just answered me with a short nod.

We've been home for about an hour now, and he still hasn't said anything. I'm sitting on the couch with Harry's head in my lap, running my fingers through his hair. He's been staring at the ceiling, listening to the movie play in the background.

I asked him what he wanted to watch, but he just shrugged and sat on the couch while I found something. I went with The Karate Kid because it was the only movie he has that I recognized, and I need some familiarity right now.

When I sat down, he laid himself on me and relaxed a bit. I'm glad that he was able to do at least that, but his silence is deafening. I'm worried, and I have no idea where to start with this.

I'm trying to treat him like I normally do because I don't want him to feel weird or like he's a freak for reacting the way he did. I know how it feels to be the only one in the room that has ever experienced a panic attack, and it makes everyone else look at you like you're crazy. It's embarrassing, and that's the last thing I would want him to feel right now.

The movie ends, and I think Harry's asleep. My hand has been tangled in his hair for the past two hours, and I'm tired. I go to gently move Harry's head, but he groans at the movement.

"No, stay." He mumbles out.

Well, at least I know he can talk.

"Let's go to bed, yeah?" I whisper to him and kiss his forehead, urging him to get up.

He nods his head and gets off of the couch, making his way upstairs and I follow. We go into his room and Harry pulls his shirt off, follow by his pants and he pulls a pair of joggers on. He hands his shirt to me, signaling for me to put it on. I take it from him and change into the shirt.

I've never changed in front of Harry before, and normally I'd feel weird about it, but that's the last thing on my mind right now. Every thought I have is consumed by Harry and what's going through his head.

I'm always thinking about what's going through his head.

I get under the blanket with him, and he immediately pulls me close to him. He buries his head against my neck with his arms wrapped around me and his legs tangled with my own.

"I'm sorry." He whispers against my skin.

"Please don't apologize to me, you have nothing to be sorry for." I try to reassure him.

"You wouldn't be in danger if it wasn't for me."

"Yeah, I would be. My life wasn't exactly suburban college kid before I came here. My dad and brother were constantly bringing strangers home, along with different types of drugs. They were constantly in debt, and I would've died if I didn't make that deal. As much as I wouldn't have wanted to admit it when I first came here, you saved my life. But now I know that you didn't just keep me alive, you saved my mind."

Harry looks up at me with that look still filling his eyes, his unkempt curls falling in front of them. That look hurts me a little more every time I see it.

"I promise I'll never let anything happen to you." The look on his face changes from uncertainty to a stern look, which tells me that he means what he's saying.