fragile | jelix

i was visiting jack again. and this time, i was determined to not hit my head on the window again. i probably had a bruise from it somewhere, but it's not like you'd be able to tell because i had so many bruises already from the pricks at my school.

i opened the window and climbed inside, prepared to hear jack using every single swear word i taught him the day before when he greeted me. but when i looked over at his bed, i saw nobody there. it was when i noticed the sound of sniffling i looked down at the floor and saw jack laying there.

his entire face was red and puffy, presumably from crying. he was laying deadly still on his back, not daring to move whatsoever. he was shaking violently and his sobs echoed around his room. i noticed a wheelchair next to him, and started to assume the worst.

upon seeing this sight i knelt down next to jack and brushed his hair out of his face so i could see it better. when he saw me he seemed to start sobbing even more, as if he didn't want me to be there. he shied away and tried hiding his face with his hair again. it was like he was embarrassed.

"what happened? are you ok?" i asked, trying my hardest not to yell, despite how panicked i was.

"i was...i was...i.." he couldn't even properly start his sentence, he was crying too much. this is the most upset i had ever seen him. watching those tears fall down his face and hearing the pain in his cries made my heart shatter into a million tiny pieces.

"it's ok. just calm down, ok? just breathe. it's ok." i removed the hair from his eyes again, accidentally stroking his cheek as i did so. fear was struck in me and i began to feel terrified that i accidentally hurt him, but he had no reaction to it, so i panicked a little less.

"i was t-trying to...i couldn't...i couldn't...felix, p-please..." i could see the despair on his face and hear the heartbreak in his voice. i couldn't bare to see him like this. i didn't want him to suffer anymore.

"it's ok, it's ok, calm down. i'll help you up, is that fine with you?" jack nodded.

"just please...b-be c-careful."

"i will, i will, don't worry. i'd never hurt you." he smiled weakly and then continued to cry. at first, i wasn't quite sure how to go about it. obviously i didn't want to hurt him, but i'd have to put some pressure on him to be able to get him up. i was terrified i was going to injure him.

i eventually told him to lift his head and his back slightly so that i could put my arm under his neck. after doing so i helped him to sit up slowly so that i didn't hurt him. he seemed to be ok with what i was doing, and his crying actually toned down a little bit. when he was sat up i put my arm around him and helped him up onto his feet, which took a little longer than i expected.

he was eventually up and had gained a little bit of balance.

"my wheelchair..." his crying had now stopped and all he did was sniffle, which oddly enough was one of the cutest things he has ever done. he pointed towards the chair he wanted.

"are you fine standing on your own for a couple of seconds?" he looked a little bit pale and he seemed weaker than usual, but he still nodded his head. i quickly grabbed the chair and wheeled it towards him. he sat down in the wheelchair cautiously.

"i'll be back..." he whispered before wheeling himself out of the room. i assumed he was using the bathroom or something. i waited for him to come back, growing more and more nervous by the second that he would get hurt on his own. after a couple of minutes he returned and shut the door behind him.

he wheeled himself to the side of his bed. he didn't ask, but as soon as he looked up at me with those gorgeous eyes of his, i knew he needed assistance. i darted over to him and helped him onto his bed, where he lay with his hands on his face. i heard sniffling and after a few seconds, more heart wrenching crying.

"hey, hey, it's alright." i walked over to the other side of the bed and without even thinking about it i sat down next to him without asking if it was ok. he didn't seem too bothered though. he just continued to cry.

"jack." i tried grabbing his attention by calling his name but it didn't work.

"jack?" he still didn't look at me.

"seán." i had never called him by his actual name, ever, so that was weird for the both of us. it did get his attention though. he looked at me, trying his hardest to dry his eyes.

"listen to me. just breathe, ok? take a deep breath and try to calm down." he nodded and began taking deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling, just like i had told him to. a couple of times he would lose control and start crying again, but he would quickly regain that lost control and start breathing again until after a few minutes he was finally calm. well, calm enough to get a sentence out anyway.

"so what happened?" i asked gently, praying the question wouldn't upset him.

"before i tell you...can you just do one thing for me? please?" i nodded, willing to do anything for him at that point.

"of course. what is it?" i asked.

"can you...h-hold me?" i didn't know how to react, so i didn't. instead i stared at him like an idiot and did nothing. i was so taken aback by his request. i wanted to do that more than anything in the world, i just didn't think he'd ever ask that of me.

"i'm sorry...i just really want to be held right now, but by you only. you make me feel safe...i know you won't hurt me." i slowly nodded and saw a small smile creep onto his face. it was a contagious smile, as one crept on my face as well. i lay down beside him and carefully wrapped an arm around him. he began to shift and he slowly rolled over onto his front, when he brought his own arm over my chest, and lay his head there too. honest to god, apart from the kiss, this was the nicest thing i had ever experienced in my entire life.

"does this feel ok? am i hurting you?" he looked up at me and smiled before looking back down again.

"this feels great."