Mysterious Kunoichi (Part 1 of 2 in the MK Series)

Relationship

Booth in sight, I smiled wide. I still had a casual stride, with hands in my pockets. I pushed the flap aside and was greeted warmly as always. "Y/n?" A familiar voice called.

"Iruka." I smiled as he gestured for me to sit next to him. "Thank you."

"We never got to talk this week. I was worried you'd be back on missions."

"Monday. The usual please, Ayame."

"So I can spend some time with you."

"You still want to spend time with me?" It was a serious question.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

"I figured you'd be mad I fell off the map after our date." I answered honestly. "Plus the rumor going around."

Iruka blushed slightly and sighed before answering. "I'll admit, I was a little upset, about both things. But, I know you needed time. I also know we aren't in a relationship, so I have no right to be mad."

You're too good for me. Zabuza's words suddenly stung like a kunai to the back. Should I give Iruka a chance? Like Zabuza would've given me? "I'm sorry, Iruka. Both actions were insensitive on my part."

I looked forward as my bowl was sat and stared at it. I watched the steam rise and vanish before my eyes. If only it was that easy, to vanish into the wind, without a trace. I turned my head to the brunette when I felt his gentle hand on my thigh.

"It's okay. Let's eat, then we can talk after. If that's okay with you."

"That sounds good."

We continued eating, listening to the world pass by around us. It was a comfortable silence between the two of us. Both likely planning how we wanted the conversation to go that followed lunch. I would try and be honest. Try. Iruka would be completely honest and open.

Iruka paid for both our meals, even though I practically threw my money at Ayame. All she did was laugh and told me I was cute when I didn't want a man taking care of me. In the end, she took Iruka's money and handed me mine back. I shoved it in my pocket and mumbled to myself about how stubborn he truly was.

"Is it okay if we go back to my place?" I wasn't sure if he was being bold, or if he just wanted privacy, but I agreed with a nod.

We made our way through the village quietly. I don't know when it happened, but Iruka held my hand and pulled me along slowly. I felt unsure of what I was doing, and of what I was going to do. This man in front of me, I admired him. I cared for him and didn't want to hurt him, but that's all I could offer. He's right, I am broken, but no one could put me back together.

I sat on his couch and waited for him to bring me the tea he offered to make. I was stalling, and we both knew it. I had a stoic expression on the outside, my porcelain facade. On the inside I was a screaming banshee, clawing my way out, trying to find a way out.

"We don't have to do this." Iruka offered as he settled down.

I sipped my tea before placing it on his coffee table. "No. It's fine. It's not fair to you for me to keep avoiding you."

"So you were avoiding me?"

I sat up and covered my face with my hands, rubbing my eyes with my palms. "Yes." I whispered. "I'm sorry. I should've been honest. I should've told you that I can't do this. I can't be there for you like you want me to be. Like you need me to be. I'm not someone that anyone should lean on, but definitely not you Iruka. You're too good for me." My words spilled from lips like vomit. "You're right, I am broken. But there's no one that can put me back together. I really am better off alone. The last month has been peaceful. I haven't hurt anyone. I haven't slept with anyone. I only talked to Tenzo, Ibiki and Anko. If you can believe that." I threw myself back and let my head rest on the back of the couch, eyes still screwed shut. "Then, I'm on Kage detail one day and sleep with someone. Only to sleep with someone else days later. I have issues Iruka. A lot of them. I don't trust anyone, even my own comrades. I can't sleep at night, for the nightmares and the loneliness.  But if I'm with someone, all I can think about is how to get in bed with them. I seek comfort in sex and drinking. And killing. The only three things I'm good at it life."